How Boys Think

Lesson 18: Know Thyself

MINA

I stared up at where the ceiling of my room ought to have been. All the lights were off and I really couldn't see a foot in front of my nose. I was in my PJs, lying on my back on my bed, holding my stuffed money, Mr. Beedee, on top of my chest. Mr. Beedee had been a souvenir from Tank, from when he'd gone off on a family trip to Disney World a couple of years ago, and while I didn't need him to sleep, at times like these, his dopey eyes and floppy stuffed limbs were very comforting.

Mina...don't you know how deeply, madly in love with you I am?

Squeezing my eyes shut I curled onto my side, squeezing Mr. Beedee. Oh, Caiden...

I never wanted to hurt him, and yet I had. But he should not have kissed me at all, regardless of what he'd been trying to do. To say good-bye...

My breath hitched in my throat.

I was Christian's girlfriend. I was in love with Christian. I always had been, ever since we'd met. So why did I feel like this over his brother? I was angry, yes, he shouldn't have kissed me, but at the same time, I was feeling so....I didn't know, mixed up inside.

And it had been an amazing kiss.

The heat of his lips, his hands on my body, the passion and warmth and -

I stopped my thoughts right there.

What the hell?

I hadn't liked it, I definitely hadn't liked it. I only wanted Christian.

Right?

"I love you and I love him and so I'm stepping out of the way," Caiden said. "No more flirting, no more insinuations, no more hinting. I'm not going to do anything to get between you two anymore. I just wanted to get a bit of closure before I did and now that I have..." He looked away from me, voice trailing off.

"What?"

He took a breath. "Nothing. You'll see me around, I'll see you around. Maybe we'll hang out with a group, I'll smile at you, you'll smile at me and things will be normal between us. Normal and so platonic anything else between us would basically be incest. That's it."

I sighed. Well that was that, right? Platonic. Normal. Nothing more, and Christian need never know about what had happened. I was glad. I was happy. Things were finally going to be the way they were supposed to be. Problem solved.

Sick of being in my own head, I let myself fall asleep.

***

Monday

I hit the mat hard for the seventh time today, which, considering the fact that when I first started this, I practically never left the mat, was actually pretty good. I got up, breathing hard and swiped the sweat from my brow. I faced Jay aggressively.

"Again."

He regarded me for a moment and then straightened up out of his stance. "No, we're done for today."

I almost stomped my foot in frustration. "No! Again!"

"Mina. Look at the time. We've gone over. It's time to stop or we'll both be late for school."

Irritated beyond measure, I turned and stalked off the mat to my water bottle, where it sat next to my gym bag, stooped down to pick it up, and took a long gulp.

Jay moved toward me, swinging a towel across his shoulder. "You're aggressive today," He observed. "Like, waaaaaay more than usual."

I dodged the unspoken question. "Am I?"