How Boys Think

Lesson 17: Don't You Know How Much I Love You?

MINA

I couldn't let go of Nani, who couldn't seem to let go of Caiden. She was shaken, badly, and clung to him while I clung to her, thankful beyond all belief that I hadn't lost my best friend. Eventually, the three of us were pried apart so that Caiden and Nani could get checked out by the EMTs. Once they'd been pronounced fine, I latched onto my best friend again, hugging her tight.

"Oh my God, I thought I was going to lose you!"

She hugged me back. "I thought I was going to lose me too," she replied with a shaky laugh. "Caiden saved my life,"

"I know. I'm so glad you're okay." I squeezed her tighter. "Don't ever do that to me again okay?"

"Okay," she sounded hoarse.

"I love you, you crazy person,"

"I love you too."

***

CAIDEN

Once the EMT moved on and left me alone, I put my head in my hands, just focusing on my breathing.

Breathe. Breathe Caiden. You got through it, don't freak the fuck out now.

Nani and I were okay. I'd live another day. I exhaled.

"Caiden,"

I looked up at the sound of my name to see Christian standing there in front of me, looking as shaken up as I felt. I stood, and tried to pull myself together.

"What's up?"

The look on his face changed into something that almost resembled anger. "What's up? What's up? What the fuck do you think is up?!" He shouted. "God, Caiden, you're such a fucking asshole! You're always thinking about yourself! What about everyone else? Huh? What about them?"

I was taken aback, shocked and confused. "What the fuck? What are you talking about?" I was getting angry too. "You're always-"

Before I could blink, his arm shot out and he yanked me to him, holding onto me tightly. "You don't know what it was like," he gasped. "Seeing you up there, not knowing if you would live or die. If today would be the day I'd have to bury my brother." He was shaking against me. "I was scared, Cay. Terrified."

Mind completely numb, I stood there for a moment, before slowly raising my arms to wrap them around him.

"Me too," I said quietly. "I was scared too. But while I was up there, regardless of whether I was saved or not, I wanted you to be okay. If I had died, I didn't want you to feel the way I would if something happened to you. I wouldn't be able to take it, but I wanted you to be okay."

He jerked back and he looked almost angry again. "Of course I wouldn't be okay! Caiden... don't you know how much I love you?"

He took my face between his hands and touched his forehead to mine the way we used to do when we were kids. "Caiden. It doesn't matter what happens between us. It's you and me. It's always going to be you and me. For life."

My hand fisted in the material of his shirt, at his shoulder, and I trembled as I finally stopped fighting the panic and fear I'd been holding back this whole time. As I let it all wash over me, I held onto my brother, while he held onto me and we stood there, together...supporting each other.

***

Some days later...