elegiac

suffocate

the world screams in my ears, meaningless and menacing and demeaning, telling me everything i'm doing wrong and everything i can never fix

the stars are silent when i need them, and my empty thoughts, circling and panicking and stumbling, echo in my brain like frantic, unheard shrieks of pain

the tasks before me are daunting, and i know i can never surpass them, never succeed, but i try anyway, and i suffocate, melting into an empty husk that no one will ever find the difference in

everything is blank and simple, a clean slate, and i never know where to start—it is too easy to be real, but i cannot seem to find the trick, not until it is far too late to save myself

the universe is all twisted wrong, and i can do nothing but watch as metal bonds pull me back, and everything shatters and shatters and shatters again, all into infinite minuscule shards

i am dying, breathing in rotting air, ill at ease, when everything is fine, but everything is not fine—i know that one day this will all slip through my fingertips like sand in the wind

but i try anyway, to filter meaning from nothing

i try anyway, to coax the stars into giving me my next answer

i try anyway, to climb the impossible mountain

i try anyway to figure everything out, filling the board with useless notes

i try so hard to fix everything, complete the puzzle, make it whole, but there are always hundreds of missing pieces

i try to prevent to tragedy that i know will happen, even when nobody believes me

i try, and that makes everything collapse faster

so why do i even bother?

all i need to do now

is

suffocate