Scarlet.

I

"In the Shadows."

I haven't gotten out of bed in days; time feels like an illusion to me. My body doesn't crave any sort of food or water at all, and I want to stay like this for the rest of my life. My new house in the victor's village doesn't feel like it's mine; there are multiple empty rooms, furniture that now gathers dust, and a profound silence that pierces my ears.

I miss my old house, but no matter how much I want to, I can't go back. That life no longer belongs to me. At least they've allowed me to keep my pet, Ravus, who has happily adapted to this new lifestyle. He's the only living being who can get me out of my room, and today he's determined to do so, as he hasn't stopped crying; I assume he's run out of food.

I get out of bed and feel sharp pains in my major joints. The room is dark, so I open the curtains wide to let in some light. The parquet floor creaks beneath my feet, and the door emits a dreadful squeak when I open it. Ravus is pacing in the hallway, indicating that I should feed him. Maybe it's just me, but he's growing so much as time goes on; I suppose he must weigh around fifteen pounds right now, although with all the food I give him, that's to be expected.

He rushes downstairs, and since I haven't moved in days, it's quite challenging for me to keep up with him; my knees hurt with every step I take, and so does my lower back. I won't be able to go back to my bedroom; I'll probably sleep in the living room tonight. The floor is cold, I haven't put on my shoes, and my bones are freezing. I am an idiot.

I light the large fireplace to raise the temperature inside the house and head to the kitchen as Ravus doesn't stop crying. I fill his bowl with food and stand in front of the refrigerator, noticing that all the fruits and vegetables have gone bad. The smell is nauseating, so I throw all of it into a bag and leave it in a corner to take out when I have some willpower.

I don't know what happened; all the vitality I had has disappeared. Simple things like taking a shower, preparing my lunch, and brushing my teeth have become tedious tasks I can't deal with. I haven't touched a knife, let alone trained, since the games ended. I feel like a part of me has vanished for good, and I'm not sure who I am or what I'm doing here.

I pace around the house with no clear direction and nothing to do. The Victory Tour is just around the corner, and the whole team that helped me during the games will come to the district to start preparations. I'll have to go from district to district, giving speeches, taking photos, and pretending I don't feel like dying.

During my training days, they assured me there was no greater glory than winning the games, but now I know that it's all been a big lie. That life full of grandeur I had idealized is behind me, along with the person I used to be. I can't remember when everything fell apart.

One day, without prior warning, my mind and body decided to give up. I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't eat, and certainly I couldn't leave my house. My neighbors, the other victors, had visited me a couple of times after this happened, but I ignored their knocks on my door, and they didn't insist anymore.

Enobaria is the exception; every morning, she leaves a bag with fresh bread on the kitchen window. Sometimes they pile up there since I don't leave my room. I guess when I bring the bags inside, she knows I'm alive.

Today I have a bit more energy, so I decide to make a cup of tea and drink it in silence. I thought after my victory I might see my parents, but that didn't happen. They haven't even sent me a letter. I've dedicated my entire life to training to win the games; I've met absolutely all of their standards, and I haven't received even a tiny pat on the back for it. I blame myself for expecting something in return; that was never part of the deal.