What Are We?

Chapter 13

 Now

"Want to know a secret?" I say to Charlie as I lean closer to him on the park bench staring out across the river. There is a ruffling of leaves from a bush near us. A deer emerges tentatively from the bush before  wandering up to the edge  of the river. She carefully takes a sip from the water before barking back into the cover of the dark woods.

"What?" He says, playfully leaning back in towards me. 

"Those deep end deep talks are some of my favorite memories of ours," I tell him. "Those were the moments where I began to know the more personal side of you. The things that made you tick. It was in those moments that I began to consider you my best friend because no one knew me better than you."

Charlie takes a moment to contemplate what I said as he strokes his beard. He thoughtfully bobs his head as he reminisces on those chats long ago. "I agree. Those chats really set the foundation of our friendship. A friendship that has taken over a decade to form. It's why I'm so nervous about considering moving on to another level. What if we lose the bond we've already formed because we got too greedy?"

"Do you really think that could happen with us? That we could want too much of each other? Because I don't know about you, but I can't get enough of you Charlie." I hop off the bench and fling my arms to the sky. "I mean for goodness sake! I'm sitting alone on a bench with you, in the middle of the woods, in the middle of the night. I've watched enough crime documentaries to know this is how girls get murdered, Charlie, but here I am. Why? Because I trust you more than anyone in the world. Because I simply can't get enough of you." 

"It also doesn't hurt that if I murdered you right here, I would also have to be the one filling out the paper work on it. And who has time for that? Not me." Charlie chuckles to himself as he gets up to come stand next to me in the middle of the walkway. 

"Yeah, yeah. I know," I roll my eyes at him even though he probably can't see them in the dark as I cross my arms over my chest. "You became a park ranger for the cool hat. Not to do hard work." 

He puts his thumb on my chin and tilts my face up so I can look him in the eyes as he says "And the money and fame. You can't forget about that." 

I smile up at him. "How could I ever? Are you glad with the way things worked out the way they did?" 

He nods to me as he returns my smile. "I mean I do love having my dream job, but I suppose the money and fame will come later right? We're still young. Plenty of living life left to do."

"Exactly," I say as I pull away, letting his hand drop from my face. I turn my back to him as I walk across the bridge halfway. When I get to the middle, I turn back to him and say. "Only, I don't want to go on living my life pining after you. I've done enough of that. I just want to be with you. Do you even realize how much time I have spent loving you, hoping that maybe you'd turn around and realize we could be better as something more?"

Charlie puts his hands in his pockets and slowly saunters over to where I am standing on the bridge. "I know you have a few years heads start, which is why this feels easier for you-"

"Easier for me? Do you really think it has been easy for me hiding and containing my feelings for the sake of our friendship all these years?" I didn't realize I had begun to shout, but nearby owls flee their branches momentarily shocking me as their shadows cross the moon above. "Do you realize how many times you've accidentally broken my heart without meaning to? And I just let it slide because making a big deal out of it would jeopardize our friendship? I've sacrificed so much of myself to make this work because you are just that freaking important to me. I can't stand the idea of living without you. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean easy. That's not what I meant to say." Charlie takes a big sigh and rubs at the hairs on the back of his neck. "I just mean that you are more willing to dive in because you've had more time to accept how you feel. I've always known you as my best friend. It's hard coming to terms with myself that I want to maybe something more you know?" 

Charlie walks over to me and places his hand on my shoulder. I turn around to face him. "I didn't mean to upset you Jenna. I hate seeing you mad at me. Can we do some more remembering, maybe of happier times?"

I take a deep breath and let all of my tension fade from my shoulders. "Sure. What about the first time I realized I loved you?"

"That sounds great. When was that? A year ago? 2? 3?' 

I let out a short laugh. "Ha! try 10 years ago." I say as I make my way back over to our bench. I tap the spot next to me, inviting Charlie to come join me before I take us back to high school once again.