Tevun-Krus #18 - Alternative History

The Scourge of Rome - A Short Story by @LeighWStuart

Seneca adjusted his ceremonial toga from out of his armpit where it constantly bunched up and wished for the sea-scented breeze to blow harder. He was sweating and stinking much the same as everyone else, and it wasn't even lunch.

The marble hall was packed tight with men in togas, each man hairier and uglier than the last. Depending on the group, they were either standing and yelling, waving their arms, ignoring the proceedings or conspiring with their neighbors. Seneca remarked how lonely and morose he must seem to the others. Many would be watching his lead, unfortunately. To keep up pretenses, he hissed loudly and motioned for the senator on the floor to step down.

He was jostled as someone squeezed onto the bench next to him and he caught the elbow of the elderly man before he fell flat on top of him. Wagging tongues would be busy describing the embrace through dinner that evening otherwise.

"Seneca, you look as though your cat barfed you up and left you here," Marcus rasped at him with his sand on stones voice. Age was leaching every drop of moisture from the man and transforming it into nose and ear hair.

"Marcus, you are a festering blister on an elephant's ass, and you are interrupting my chance to take a quick nap."

Marcus chuckled and clapped Seneca too hard on the shoulder. "Naps are for this evening. Our illustrious Caesar will be called to defend his position soon." He paused to cover the wine colored stripe at his left clavicle. "Wouldn't you care to discuss your thoughts about this...diplomatic approach of his with your old friend Quintus?"

Seneca placed his hand over his left stripe, as well. "You are the only old friend I have. No, I plan on riding this storm out. Letting it gust and blow mightily while I watch from my mistress's bower."

"That does sound tempting. But wouldn't it be worth it to you if one of your pet projects suddenly found the funding it needs?"

"Votes for votes? These arrangements are never satisfactory and are, of course, illegal."

"Allies for allies. We don't want just a vote bandied about. It could be well worth your time to consider, at least."

Seneca made a show of cheering on the next orator for a moment. He covered his stripe when he was done. "How is it worth my time?"

Marcus hissed and jeered, calling out several sexual positions for the senator on the floor to assume. "I can't help but think this is exactly what I was afraid of by granting women the right to vote. Let them cast their ballots and look what kind of Caesar gets elected. A eunuch in disguise. An ass who's dressed up as Apollo for the masses. A diplomat who wants to negotiate peace. You cannot be happy with this, hmm?"

"Oh, I eagerly await the day that women are eligible to run for office. It won't take long now and I'll have something more attractive to look at than shriveled up old men like you. I might make it a pet project to get a few beauties lined up on the ballet. That will make me happy."

"And seeing your deep sea colonies finally built? Solving housing problems for thousands in your home town alone? That wouldn't make you happy?"

"What else?" asked Seneca, his face perfectly bored.

"Bringing into light the nuclear fusion work your scientist has done with his micro-missiles. Your name splattered all over the banners of victory."

"What victory?"

"Don't be dense. Our upcoming victory over the Germanic barbarians and Mongolian hordes who think they have a chance of supplanting our rule where they happen to live."

"Ah, Germanic barbarians and Mongolian hordes – ever the scourge of Rome. The Mongolians had one serious shot at sacking Rome and that was when they had Genghis Khan, what was it 800 years ago? As for Germania, we suppressed the barbarians after the Declinet Magna 1500 years ago when Rome began to burn, but rose from the ashes," Seneca said. He motioned at Caesar Felix Augustus yelling at a group of senators, spit flying from his mouth. "Besides, we aren't at war. A peaceful arrangement can still be found."