Weeping Angels

Part XII: Failed Flirtations Are No Big Deal.

No big Deal?

That was the question that plagued Kettu Kinson as he trudged his way down the street with his hands in his pockets, his gaze at the ground. What could she have meant by that? Anything was a possibility, but was she expressing that she wasn’t upset by his flirtation, or was she simply shrugging them off? Either way, he found himself frustrated.

But why? He thought to himself. What difference did it make to him whether or not she took it as a compliment, or an insult?

This was especially frustrating. It shouldn’t make a difference to him at all, but yet he found himself in the pits of despair over it all.

The cold autumn winds began to howl once again as the last of the daylight burned away. Kettu’s boots crushed hordes of fallen leaves as he made his way through the park. His thoughts were still occupied with his most recent interaction with Nina, and still swirling with questions. He found himself more frustrated than ever. If only he had dated more, he would have more experience with this kind of thing, if only he were better at getting to know people, he would understand what Nina meant by “No big deal.” If only he understood his own emotions better, perhaps he could understand why he felt this way.

If only.

Kettu came to a small wooden bridge that stretched over a small running creek, and stepped up onto it, and leaned over the edge. He stared down at the water below and sighed heavily. Such a dilemma, and it filled him with nothing but more of the same desperation and terrible sadness that he had always seemed to feel, but this time, somehow, it had felt different. It felt like his heart was breaking.

He lowered his head and groaned. Why was this affecting him so badly? Normally, friendships and interpersonal relationships never so much as stirred an emotion within him, let alone caused him to feel like hell.

It had to be the hangover, Kettu concluded. He still hadn’t been feeling the greatest from the other night, and wasn’t used to consuming that much alcohol in one sitting.

“Hey lover boy, did she shoot you down?” A voice from the darkness called out, causing Kettu to jump and spin around. On the far end of the bridge was Ben, lighting a cigarette, the lighter illuminating the sly grin on his face.

“What the hell, are you stalking me now?” Kettu snapped, “And no, she didn’t ‘shoot me down’.”

“Then why so glum, chum?”

“It‘s none of your business.” Kettu growled. Ben looked at him with a stern look.

“Let me get this straight, my buddy calls me in the middle of the night, saying he just tried to paint his walls with his brains, so I take him out, and he spends the whole night telling me that he is hopelessly falling for, and pining for his lovely Nina, and this,” Ben swept a hand over him, “Is none of my business? Wrong, pal. You made it my business!”

“Why do you care?” Kettu looked back down at the water below.

“Because you need her, you idiot.” Ben took a puff of his cigarette, “Can’t you see that?”

“I don’t need anyone!” Kettu scowled, turning to Ben, “I just enjoy having her around, and seeing her face, hearing her voice, having her around me, it just makes me feel. . .” Kettu stopped, A moment of realization washed over him, and in that moment, it all became frighteningly clear how she made him feel.

Shit. Ben was right.

Again.

“I…I love her.” Kettu lowered his head.

“Which is why you need her around, Big K.” Ben clapped a hand down on his friend’s shoulder, “So what are you waiting for?”

“I don’t want to screw it up, I don’t want her to think I’m just some suicidal creep with a crush on her for wanting to help.”

“Big K, look at yourself. This is the most miserable I’ve ever seen you. You look like you’re dying inside without her, like… Shit, man,” Ben Paused, his grip tightening on his shoulder, “You’re in it deep with her, aren’t you?”

Kettu nodded.

“I’ve never felt this way, ever, about anyone.” Kettu said quietly.

“Then you need to go to her. Simple as that.”

“It’s not that simple, Ben. I need to prove that I’m better, you know? So she doesn’t feel like she’s sticking around because she’s my only reason to live. That’s too much pressure to put on anyone, I need to find a way to get better.”

“There’s only one way to do that, man, and you’re not going to like it.”

“If I can clear my mind of all of this guilt and gather up the courage to talk to Nina about how I feel, it’ll be worth it.”

“Wow.” Ben stared at Kettu dumbfounded.

“What?” Kettu looked up at him.

“That’s showing a lot, Big K. I mean, you’re sure about this?”

Kettu nodded wordlessly.

“Then come with me, get in the van, I know somewhere safe you can go.”

“Wait, Ben, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“If you flirt with a girl, and she says it’s no big deal, what does that mean?”

“Dude, you were flirting with her?” Ben laughed, “You said something cheesy, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.” Kettu said bashfully.

“And you realized it was cheesy, and said something about it.” Ben grinned. Kettu raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“I’ve been there.” Ben said dismissingly, “I wouldn’t worry about it, bro. She probably took it as a compliment, and appreciates you more for it.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“I am, now come on, let’s get in the van.”

“Where are we going?”

“To the hospital.”

“Wait, Ben, I don’t think that we have to go to that extreme to-”

“Do you want to get better or not?” Ben asked, seriousness washing over his face, “Because if you’re serious about this, and serious about showing Nina that you’re serious about getting better, and being normal, you don’t just have to do this, you have to want to do this.”

      He hated that Ben was always right.