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October always knew that it was going to end at some point.
Elijah wasn't looking at her, jaw clenching as he tried to remain expressionless, as she sat next to him hands firmly to herself. She wanted to comfort him, place a hand on his shoulder, but she knew that it wouldn't help. He was pretending that he was fine, pointing out that she could that he wasn't would only make him frustrated. They both weren't emotional people in the sense that they didn't cry a lot. Elijah didn't feel sad, he felt numb - October wasn't mad, she was tired. She knew she wouldn't be able to keep it up for much longer. Pretending that they hadn't woken up next to each other, kissing her shoulder to wake her up, when they saw their friends later that day - acting like they were seeing each other for the first time.
The magic of the situation had faded away and she no longer felt excited. She knew that she'd just be left feeling empty afterwards. It was impossible for her to ever hate Elijah, hating him would be hating herself. She didn't blame him - she didn't blame herself. They just weren't designed to work. There was an error in their machinery and they couldn't fix it - they didn't function together. October was simply done with pretending that everything was fine, she didn't want to ignore the problem anymore. She couldn't continue to subject herself to his charm and let herself be burned by his flame even if the warmth was inviting. She wasn't delicate, she could handle a lot but she couldn't handle that.
Maybe if she didn't have feelings for him it would be easier - she'd be able to treat the situation like he did.
The air of the morning felt crisp that day, the sky seemed clearer. The brightness of the sun was rejuvenating - like it had a greater meaning. Maybe that's just because she liked English and looked for hidden messages in things as simple as the illumination of golden rays, when really the only explanation was that it was the end of August. Even if the weather didn't have a subliminal effect she still felt enlightened.
She went over to his, they didn't talk until they were in the safety of his room. They hadn't even said hello. She guessed that he could tell by her demeanour that something was wrong - he always was able to pick up on it. The silent warning that something coming, the raincloud hanging over their heads waiting for the storm to break.
They sat down on his bed, she sat further away from him than usual. He looked confused, she said they should stop whatever it was that they had going on. He said that was fine she gave him an unimpressed look, "Fine?", she repeated bitterly. She wanted him to care, to try and fight for it - she knew he wouldn't. She couldn't hate him but at that moment she was angry with him.
"I don't know what else you want me to say.", he told her - they both knew that there was a list of things she wanted him to say.
He couldn't do it. He didn't care if that made him a coward, he was terrified of how much he liked her. He didn't know what love was, he had never experienced it. He knew platonic love, he had that with many people. He knew whatever he felt for October wasn't platonic. He knew that it scared him. That even if he tried he couldn't put into words what she meant to him. That with her everything seemed to make sense, that she made him better. It would torture to say that, to tell her that he slept better when she was there, that the jokes seemed funnier when she was laughing at them. He hated that he couldn't tell her that she was peace and excitement and everything right in his life.
