Conjuring Love

Y/N Backstory: The reason. (1)

Warnings: Abuse, mature language, mention of SH, description of SA, eating disorder.

( Before we begin this chapter I wanna mention that this chapter and some of the story is very heavy and may be hard for some people to read, I do have warnings listed above and I will put a little "~" symbol to let you know when a heavy subject is about to happen. Also people are actually reading these which is crazy, I know its not much but to have people who read the story or save them to their library means so much to me as I love writing these, enough of me, enjoy x
-Jamie)

In kansas. 10 years before main story.

The same room, the same cracked mirror, the same torn curtains, the same blood stained pillow. The same room.

Every day you wake up, dry, red eyes, bloody nose, bloody arm. Your alarm clock blares your ear as you strain to open your eyes, the blinding sun light blinds you through the torn curtains.
The door swings open and in walks your dad, annoyance and aggression on his face.

~

"Hey! Turn that shit off and get out of bed!" He yells throwing your alarm clock on the floor, the loud noise fading out as it breaks. He rips the blanket from your aching body and grabs your arm.

"Get up, you little bitch!" He yells startling you and making you jump. You rip your arm away from his grasp and sit up in your bed. He leans close your ear.

"Don't you ever push me away again, or you will regret it." He growles and pushes you making you go face first into the plaster wall. He stomps put the door slamming it behind him. You stay there, head resting on the wall as ears run down your face and blood drips out your nose, falling onto your lap. You remain there until your tears dry then drag yourself to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror you see your zombie self staring back with puffy eyes, blood still running down your lip and chin. You turn the tap on and rinse your face with water, gasping as the cold liquid hits your face, washing the blood away. 
You grab your makeup bag and cover the new bruise formed on your nose, blending the truth away, creating a mask to hide the reality. You knew all about masks, covering up the truth. Godforbid anybody found out. So every morning, you wake up in the same room, put the same makeup on your face, the same fake smile, the same fake story.

Staring into your wardrobe you picked your outfit. A grey long sleeve shirt with a locked heart design, black ripped jeans with fishnet tights underneath and black converse. You roll up your sleeve and wrap a bandage around it, concealing the result of your unbearable, trapped feelings and you pull your sleeve down.

-

Arriving at school you walk straight to the field, where you sit against a big oak tree, the leaves shading you from the sun. You take out your sketch book and a pencil and begin to draw, first you take the view above and draw the dark parts of the blue sky, then the mellow clouds and then the view of the field around you, capturing a few people sat on benches and the school band rehearsing for the school soccer game. You capture your friends in the crowd of people, playing their instruments with a smile. Turning a page you find something else to draw, looking back up to the band you find Cole, smiling widely as he jabs Sam in the arm making him drop his trumpet. You giggle, watching Sam's face go red with embarressment as he tries not to burst out in laughter. You look back down to your sketch pad and behind capturing Cole's cheeky grin as you drew him in his band outfit. Looking back up you see them both being told off for distracting everyone, roll your eyes and smile amused by their silly antics. You continue drawing, getting every detail perfect, the creases by his eyes when he smiles and the way his hair is swooped to the side.

"Hm, what's that Y/N?" Cole asks tilting his head to the side, you look up snd find him stood infront of you, looking down at the drawing, heat rushes to your cheeks, painting a subtle pink blush on your cheeks.

"Uhm, nothing just doodling, I um got bored." You stutter, closing your book and putting the pencil in your bag. He smiles, watching the pink blush rest on your cheeks.

"Awh come on show me, were on break anyway so I have some time to kill." He
Practically begs, sitting next to you, resting his head on the tree, poking his neck out slightly. You can't help but smile as he takes interest as soon ad you open the book, his attention on your slender fingers turning blank pages to the drawing of the field. He tracks your eyes looking at the drawing with a little smile, you feel his eyes on you and your breath deepens, as you move closer to show him the drawing properly.

"It's just a sketch of the field, seemed peaceful so I just did a rough sketch." You explain, in a quiet and nervous voice. He turns the page and sees the drawing of himself, noticing each accurate detail. He smiles and pushes you playfully.

"What the fuck Y/N, this is so good how did you even do this, I can't even draw a stick man let alone a portrait of somebody." He yells in a exited tone, still smiling widely at the image. You smile back and go to take the sketch book back when he abruptly stands up and holds it up dangling it out of reach.

"Hey! Wait give it back." You stand and jump to try and get it from him, failing and stumbling back.

"Huh, oh you want the book back, try and get it!!" He chuckles dangling the book in his fingertips shaking it around.
A page separates and a blood stained metal blade falls out from between them.

"Cole! Please- I." You plead, spotting the blade you pick it up and place it into your pocket.

"Wait what was that? Y/N what have you got?" He questions, handing you the book back, worry on his face. You take a deep breath and shake your head and put a fake smile on your face.

"What was what? It's nothing." You tru to convince him, smiling as you put the book back in your bag. He puts a hand on your shoulder and turns you around.

" Y/N, what's going on, are you okay?" He asks trying to reach for your pocket. You shuffle backwards realising what he was trying to do.

"Cole it's nothing, I'm fine, stop freaking out, I gotta get to class." You stop smiling and grab your bag, walking away. He grabs your arm and tries to pull you back, pain and pressure all over your arm as his firm grip opens the fresh wounds, you flinch and hiss as you pull your arm away.

"Y/N... your arm, I." He whispers, staring down at your grey sleeve, now saturated with scarlet blood as it seeps through the fabric. You stare down, panic, shame, hurt washes over you.

"I- feel, Cole..." You call out ad your vision blurs, he grabs you tight and holds you close.

"It's okay, I got you Y/N, I'm not going anywhere. Let's sit down, yeah?" He suggests, lowering you to the ground as he opens his bag, taking out a mini med kit. You sit there, uneven breathing as you try to stay conscious. He slowly grabs your hand and pulls your arms resting it on his knee.

"I don't want you to see that, Cole." You mumble, pulling your arm away. He looks at you, watery eyes.

"I just want to help you, Y/N. I'm here for all of it, thick and thin. I'm not going to think any differently about you Y/N. Let me help you, please." He reassures you, holding your hand tight, using his thumb to rub your knuckles. You take a deep breath and nod. He rolls up your sleeve and looks at the once white bandage now drenched in blood. He unravels the bandage and a stray tear escapes his eye as he sees the deep gashes plastered all over your wrist, you squeeze your eyes closed and try to focus on your breathing. He uses a wipe to clean the blood off your arm and then uses fresh bandages around your wrist. He digs through his bag and grabs his red jacket, giving it to you. You place it next to you and shuffle towards him, he pulls you close into a much needed hug, he rests his chin on your head as he strokes your hair.

"I've always got you. I got you." He whispers, he places a short, sweet kiss on your head and rocks your sniffling self side to side.

( This is the first part to this, the next chapter will be more backstory I just wanted to chop it up slightly.)

~1554 words