Eleven Eleven

Knockin' On Heavens Door

Despite having slept decently for the last two days, I was so exhausted my head remained against the cold window. The boys quiet chatter in the back would rise and fall like that of my high school cafeteria, until Ryan finally turned on some old anime and they all kind of quieted down and sat back to watch it with him.

My eyes followed each major casino as we passed; Bellagio, Luxor, MGM, Aria-they all blurred into one another. I'd only been to Vegas one time prior to tonight in my life and I was so young I couldn't remember anything. The boys, however, seemed to be disinterested by the people flooding the sidewalks and all the pretty, glittery lights. I knew that when we got up tomorrow the city would look completely different, so I decided to bask in the beauty of it tonight. Haiden's light strumming in the back was a nice, soft melody that floated throughout the bus. It would have been tranquil and serene if my father wasn't only a few inches away, looking my way at every red light.

"Why?" I finally whispered.

His head lifted a little, an indicator he'd heard me loud and clear, but echoed with a confused, "Why what?"

"You know, Jack." I said through my teeth, eyes trained on the crowd of people crossing the street in front of us. "Why'd you leave two three-year-olds and a young mother to fend for themselves? What did we do wrong?"

I kept my voice level, not wanting the boys in back to eavesdrop in on the conversation. My father kept his eyes ahead, his tense shoulders and clenched jaw the older sign he'd heard what I'd asked. Finally, after close to ten minutes of silence, he mustered up a response.

"It wasn't you or your brother, Willow."

I snickered. "Of course. Why would I expect you to take the blame for your own actions? My apologies."

When he only keeps his eyes on the road ahead, I continued. "And if it wasn't our fault, then why didn't you try to maintain contact with us?"

"You only know one side of the story." he mumbled.

I made a gesture toward him with my hands. "No, Jack. I'm going by matter of fact here. Mom had to juggle three jobs on top of raising Blake and me at seventeen. No help from anybody. And you? You decided it'd be in your best interest to choose your record label over us and go behind my back to coarse my best friend into being in your stupid little boy band. That's the side of the story I know."

I slumped back in my seat, knowing very well by the silence of the RV that the boys had stopped to watch the scene unfold before them. Fortunately for them, it proved to only get more entertaining.

"How about you ask your mother how often I tried to call and talk to you and Blake? Oh, that's right, because she brainwashed you both into thinking I was a monster, you'll always take her word over mine."

"I never claimed Mom was perfect, Jack!" I snapped. "But at least she was there! At least she was a parent!"

The RV jerks off into a gas station parking lot and he shifts in the driver's seat to face me. I could see Mason and Ryan starting to stand out of the corner of my eye, but they didn't make the advance toward us yet.

"I wasn't there, you're right. I should have tried harder to be. But I was young and stupid, Willow. I didn't want to be a father. I didn't think I could be." he said, shaking his head. "But I did try as much as I possibly could as you two got a little older. I'd send checks. I'd try to get her to hand the phone off to one or both of you guys, or at the very least allow me to write you somehow. She refused. She wouldn't let me into the little fantasy world she created without me in it."