the new girl.

11 - y/n

i woke up at 8am. 25 minutes before the surgery. i breathed shakily as i tiptoed over to kai's bed. i patted him on the shoulder softly.

"morning sleepyhead." i whispered. he opened his eyes and looked at me. he laughed slightly.

kai:"good morning to you too." i could hear slight fear in his voice.

"are you nervous??" i asked. he nodded.

"oh, hueningkai. you'll be fine!! you're the strongest person i know. you're gonna get through it." i smiled. somewhere deep down, i was still overly annoyed that i didn't get to hear what hueningkai had to tell me yesterday. it didn't matter now. he was gonna live. he wouldn't have a reason to tell me anything now, unless it really meant a lot to him.

i decided to try and cheer myself up.

"you want ice cream??" i asked. he smiled and nodded. i walked out of the room and cracked the door. i went downstairs to the cafeteria. i got vanilla ice cream for both of us. i went back upstairs and handed it to hueningkai. we ate it together and talked for a bit. soon enough, it was 8:25.

a surgeon came in.

surgeon:"are you ready??"

i looked to hueningkai. he nodded. i whispered in his ear.

"stay strong. you got this."

the others were fast asleep when they took kai to the surgery room. i just sat on his empty bed. i laid back, when suddenly, i felt something under the pillow. i unconvered a small box with my name on it.

i decided not to open it. it could be personal. or a trap. but while i waited for him to come out of surgery, all i could do was think about what's in that box.

yeonjun interrupted my thoughts with a yawn.

yeonjun:"hi sis. where's-"

yeonjun must have realized, because he stopped talking. i got up and rummaged through kai's things, trying to find a clue to what's inside the box.

yeonjun raised an eyebrow at me. i shooed him away with my free hand.

there was nothing that connected to the box. i sat down in defeat. i finally accepted that the only way to find out what was in the box was to open it. for some reason, i was scared to. it seemed like this was important to kai. if i opened it, i could be ruining something for him.

my thoughts do this to me a lot, where i won't be able to do something that i want to do because i'm afraid of hurting someone's feelings. yeonjun says i've always been like this. i'm too kind - hearted to risk getting in the way of someone's hopes and dreams.

my thoughts ran in circles like a train. i stared at the pillow. why could i just open the box like any normal person would?? people always had a motive, and i know mine. so why can't i do what i want for once and not what someone else wants??

i sighed. i have to take my mind off of that box. but it's hard to, when the person that box is connected to is in surgery as you speak. i put kai's things away neatly and sat next to yeonjun.

"yeonjun??" i looked up at him with longing eyes.

yeonjun:"yes, y/n??"

"just a scenario to uh- think about. what would you do if your heart is telling you to do something, but you're scared of chasing that thing."

yeonjun:"oh please, y/n. i'm not scared of anything." he scoffed jokingly. i slapped him.

"this is serious!! i don't need any of your yeonjun nonsense right now!! i need your help!!"

now i've done it. i was so overwhelmed that i blurted out that this wasn't a scenario. it was about me. and now he knows that. oh god, he's gonna tease me so much.

yeonjun:"y/n..how many times do i have to tell you. focus on YOU. chase YOUR dreams. you can't spend your entire life trying to please everyone else."

i know yeonjun's right. he's always right. i sighed.

"i want to do that, trust me. but it feels like.. it feels like i can't."

yeonjun:"sometimes you just have to go for it, y/n. it's better to find out what you're going for and let it be bad than to miss out on amazing and fun opportunities. promise me this, y/n. learn to live a little. you won't regret it. i promise."

i nodded. i walked over to the bed and took the box. i opened it. i picked up the note inside.

my mouth practically fell to the floor as i read it.