Chapter 3|Unbearable

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🖤"Woh ghum chupane ke liye haste hai, jinhe rona nahi aata."🖤

("They laugh to hide their sorrows,
who don't know how to cry.")

♡__________________________♡

The rain causes no more pain, The heart soaked all the tears, he misses her already! but never let anyone know his pain. Forgetting her was never easy, but he had to let it go.

||"The Unbearable Sting of Betrayal: Learning to Heal and Move On"||

A sigh left my lips when the irritating sound of the alarm rang next to me

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A sigh left my lips when the irritating sound of the alarm rang next to me. I stretched my arm to turn it off and hopped out of bed, quickly moving towards the washroom with half-closed eyes. I performed ablution and stepped on the prayer mat, saying "bismilla" (in the name of God). I started offering my fajr Salah, raising my hands for dua. I began opening my heart out in front of the one who loves listening to me, who understands me, and who heals my pain, quick or late but with time. The pain was so much that my eyes started speaking, lips unable to move, and face soaked with tears. I tried my best not to cry or make any sound, but I was failing miserably.

It's 5am and I'm still wide awake. My eyes have drenched the prayer mat and my shirt. My heart hurts, feels like it's going to rip itself out of my ribcage because it's too tired of being there all alone. I'm staring down at the prayer mat, trembling, with sobs leaving my mouth. I'm terribly exhausted and frustrated. I want to call a friend, but all the contacts in my phone seem like strangers more than people I know. Some days, I miss them terribly. Most days, I miss myself. I feel so detached from who I used to be. I've lost count of the nights, days, and hours I've felt like this. I don't know what I feel or why. I've forgotten what a good sleep feels like and what a heartfelt laugh feels like. I have unread messages, unfinished work, and an unwell mind. It's been so long that it's hard to remember. I don't know how to make myself feel alright, so I sob some more. More tears, more painful breaths, and more heaviness sinking into my heart. I feel guilty, as if it's somehow all my fault that I feel this way. As if I should be held accountable for letting myself be in pain. I feel angry because my mind seems so out of control. I feel scared that it's taking control over me. I'm so tired of feeling this way, so bloody tired of feeling nothing and then feeling everything, all at once.

My tears flow freely as I struggle to
hold back the pain. I've always believed in the phrase "boys don't cry," but I can't help it. The weight of my suffering is crushing. I know that it's not anyone's fault but my own. Who said that falling in love was a good idea? Loving her was easy, but living in love has been a nightmare. After she left my life, I've been living in a personal hell. I know that my love for her may seem small or insignificant to others, but it's everything to me. Loving someone with all your might is a powerful feeling. I refuse to let anyone call me dramatic for feeling the way I do.

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