Carbon: Devil's Rose #8

Chapter 22: Roman Grant

My back lays flat on my bed frame as I watch Gabby. After our rounds three or four rounds of sex (obviously) and food so we weren't starving in the morning which it practically already is, somehow she still had the energy to function. 

She put her underwear back on with one of my hoodies covering her upper body and after she was done eating, she decided that a dance party was in order. While I'm too tired for that, she dances around the front of my bed, singing (terribly but I'm not allowed to say that aloud) along to Doja Cat songs. 

I slide down into the covers, place my head on my pillow, and let my eyes drift shut. I love her very much, but I'm too fucking tired to watch her dance around. I need to sleep, especially if I'm going to work tomorrow, well technically today. It's Sunday, but I still have to go in. 

I've spent enough time out of the office, and I need to go in to make sure that everything is good. It's not that I don't trust the other members of Devil's Rose, it's quite the opposite in fact, but I like having my own eyes on things. It gives me more confidence in reassuring myself that everyone is fine.

Not too long after I close my eyes, I feel Gabby curl herself into my embrace. I love this so much. I love her so much.

I awaken to the smell of burning toast. I reach out my hand carefully to feel Gabby's soft body beside me, but she isn't there. I jump out of bed, dazed and confused, and rush into the kitchen to find her standing in the middle of the messiest kitchen I've ever seen. 

I scrunch my eyebrows, trying to understand what the fuck is going on. I take heavy steps toward her to let her know that I'm here and touch her elbow lightly. 

I turn her around to see tears streaming down her face, and while the urge to laugh at her dilemma is almost uncontrollable, instead of laughing, I tug her into my arms and bury her face into my neck, so she can't see the smile crossing my face. 

I run my fingers through her hair and settle her down before I try to get her to explain what's happening here. I brush the tears away from her face, placing a kiss on her lips.

"What's all this for, Gabriella? What were you trying to do?"

"I want to make you breakfast in bed 'cause you've been taking care of me, and I messed it up."

That much was clear, Gabby.

"Thank you, little dove. I appreciate it."

"I'm sorry that I ruined your kitchen and didn't make you breakfast."

"You're okay. I promise that it's okay. Why don't we clean this up, and I'll help you make breakfast? Would that make you feel better?"

She nods her head and doesn't say another word until we're sitting down at the table, and it's only after I prompt her.

"What's wrong?" I ask her, confused about why she's so silent.

"You didn't get mad at me. I'm so used to people getting mad about me making a mess, and you didn't. It's different for me."

That kills me.

"There's nothing to be mad about. Everyone creates messes sometimes. Kitchen and otherwise. You cleaned up after yourself, so truly, there's nothing for me to be frustrated over."

I observe her with calm eyes, wanting to make sure that my words soak into her beautiful mind of hers. From what she's told me, I'm sure that she hasn't had a good relationship with her father in many years, maybe ever. 

As someone who doesn't have a father, and I don't have a bad relationship with either one of my mothers, I can't fully relate to her life and how she feels, but I know that a lot of people have issues with their parents. Practically the entire Devil's Rose MC has had an issue or has issues with their parents. 

It fucking sucks to know the woman that I love has gone through shitty parenting regardless of where that parenting came from. Her mother, the most supportive person in her life, died during her teenage years, and I can't even imagine how painful that must have been, how painful it still may be some days. 

She also doesn't have a good relationship with her sister. I wonder if she has any good female role models at all. I would hope that she would have a person she could look up to and learn from.

But either way, she never has to apologize to me about something as trivial as making my kitchen messy. That's so fucking dumb. It's dumb that she feels like she has to, Gabby herself isn't dumb. Why is she apologizing for being human? It doesn't make any sense to me. I'm grateful that that doesn't make any sense to me.

"Did I ever tell you how I got the road name Carbon?"

She glances up at me, shaking her head, her cheeks still red from crying.

Fuck, my heart physically hurts. Seeing her like this makes me want to rip the world apart.

"I was a chemistry major in college. I graduated with a chemistry degree, specifically dealing with the element carbon. That's how it came to be. I did lots of research on carbon and all these different forms of it. Anyway, in my research, I sometimes created a mess. I had to be careful when creating my mess because many of the types of carbon I explored were toxic. 

"But, I made messes nonetheless. If those messes weren't made, I wouldn't have graduated. I wouldn't have found a chemistry job in Foxburg, and I wouldn't have even known the DR MC existed. Your messes are okay, Gabriella. You will always have me to help clean up the mess, okay?"

She stares at me with those gorgeous and sparkling brown eyes.

"After my mom died, my family disappeared into themselves. We all coped with it differently. You know, that's normal with grief. But in all of that, we lost each other. My father got up, went to work, came home, watched tv, and fell asleep. He repeated that every day. 

"My sister in desperation for some type of attention became a popular girl in school. She was a cheerleader and dated the most popular guys and had all of the friends because she couldn't find what she needed at home. Causing trouble, for her, was the only way to gain my father's attention. I, however, disappeared into books. 

"It's so cliché, but that's the way I could cope with the whole inside of me. I used characters and words and pages to try to fill it. It didn't work, it only created book obsession and retail therapy. But every word we said to one another became a burden. 

"Every time we impeded each other's lives, we became a burden. Because of the mistakes we made toward one another through trying to heal ourselves, I have a fear that I am going to impede on the lives of people I care about. By causing a mess, I'm a burden."

Tears spill out onto my cheeks from my eyes as I look at this woman in front of me. I brush them away so she doesn't think I'm pitying her. If anything, I'm feeling for her. This woman in front of me is everything to me. To know that she was that alone, that she was suffering and sad alone when she needed a support system the most, kills me. 

There's no other way to put it. Every part of me wants to take care of her kind soul and remind her that she's not alone. I want to spend the rest of my life showing her that she's not a burden and that it's okay to count on the people that care about you. I need her to know that she doesn't have to carry the weight alone.

It all bubbles up inside me at once.

"You could never be a burden to me, little dove. I will spend every moment I can showing you that there is no way in this world you could ever be one. I love you. I'm in love with you. I'm in love with every single fucking part of you. 

"I'm in love with the way all of your thoughts spill out and the deep breath you take when you walk into any place that has people and the way you look at me. I love the way you dance and sing like no one's watching and the way you touch me and how you make everyone around you feel welcome. 

"I'm in love with your kindness and your compassion. I love the depths of your soul. I love all your messes. The ones inside you and the ones you create. So, no, you are not and never will be a burden. Not in this lifetime or the next."

She crawls into my lap, bawling her eyes out and holding me tight.

"I'm in love with you too, Roman. I don't have pretty words because I'm not good at that, but I love you. I love you a lot."

"I don't need pretty words, little dove. I know."