Paid Love: Zeros.

04: My Na Home.

04: My Na Home.

~~~~~~~~~

I remember you telling me with your raspy voice:

" Song Claire, you have changed, you have became bright and cheerful like a lily celebrating its summer."

I couldn't tell you that change had infected you, too.

The coldness that populated you like a bare maple tree was so unexpected.

I knew that if I said anything, it would be followed by your question, "why."

I know you'll end up furious if I explain it to you.

Then I dismiss you...
And I begin to miss you.

~~~~~~~

"Another school day has passed, and only the date differentiates it from others." This is how I would begin the talk,  yes.

However, I was being embraced by Na Dak Hu just now,

He kissed me passionately as if it were a movie scene.

His kiss was delicate and long-lasting... It was not impulsive or motivated by lust.

Then he kept staring at me without saying anything, blinked nervously several times, and his lips narrowed.

He appeared embarrassed, contrary to my teasing smirk.

- I'm sorry I did that without your consent.

He complained and took my hand in his, pressing it against his cheek.

- Hit me if you want... I have no idea why I did that.

His tone lacked any hint of regret.

Is he serious now? I was upset not because he kissed me, but because I was "used" to reduce his confusion.

I am conscious that I have become consumed by him, so why is he terrified of everything to do with me?

Dak Hu always acts as though he would give his life to be next to me... yet something keeps him from being physical with me, even though his body language screams "I'd kill everything in this world to hold you."

- Next time... I'll murder you, believe me, Na Dak Hu, don't touch me all of a sudden, we're not lovers...

- We're not lovers... yet.

- Let's go home, I'm exhausted.

I proposed, feigning a smile, but as soon as I turned around, I erased it.

My face started to feel drenched in sadness.

If it was a different guy? I would have viewed the situation as a whim:
"Do you think you tricked me? No, you deluded moron, I used you and didn't take you seriously at all."

With him, though? I would detest discovering that I am not the one who will dye the living room with him or I certainly despise returning home to eat meals that were not prepared by him.

I'd refuse to have my blankets smell like anyone other than Dak Hu.

But I can't reject his rejection, sadly.

We have been walking the same route. We had lost touch with the outer world since our last activity together.

When Dakie was in front of me, I concentrated on his back, which helped me remember his actions and words better.

It's amusing. I'm the most realistic person you'll ever meet, and I've witnessed unbelievable happenings and heard dramatic statements that have nothing to do with reality.

Still, I'd be dishonest if I didn't say that I loved it... 

While I despised him because he failed to justify his actions and left me dumbfounded in a way that keeps assaulting my chest.

Dak Hu walked with me and occasionally took my hand, warming it in his pockets; I was pleased and I wanted us to stay like this for as long as possible.

I am one of the cursed individuals, though, so my enjoyments' lifespan is limited.

The rain had stopped as we approached the door leading outside and stopped in the courtyard.

Dudu and Mo Bin were both panting from exhaustion.

They simultaneously straightened their stances and gave us both angry and disappointed glares.

- I found her first, thus she is now mine.

Dakie spoke to them in aggressive dialect.

 He faced me and gave me life with a smile that, on this cloudy day, could have replaced the sun.

In an effort to trigger them, he purposefully stopped me in the middle of the road once more, stole another kiss from my cheek, and then carried me within his arms while whispering to me:

- Aye Claire, Bury your face in my neck.

- Would you like me to murder you?

- Would you like to get rid of them?

I giggled at his nastiness.

- You're a walking menace, Dak Hu.

I sighed and obeyed.

Certainly, the pattern of events will not allow me to survive.

It doesn't matter; the only thing that matters right now is how his neck feels.

And, like his unusual person, the fragrance is delicate but powerful, imposing his presence.

I clutched to him tighter as my limbs relaxed from inhaling his smell. Later, I felt his palm brush my hair, carrying me gently enough not to hurt me, and strong enough not to lose me.

How am I supposed to slap him?

How am I supposed to reject him?

I hate him,
I love him...

I feel conflicted around him.

I always feel protected around him.

Na Home.

~~~~~~

Done.