Reluctant Mate

Chapter 6

 The next morning, I was in a daze about the night before. The bar memories—up until Alex touched me—were crystal clear. But after that, nothing made sense to me. Like my foolish willingness to leave my well-being in the hands of a stranger without intelligently being concerned with his sobriety. Our relaxed conversation, teasing one another, and his distracting smile and eyes. Even the moment we stood outside the door to my room, held no logistic answer to why it occurred. Or why I allowed it?

  Or a better question was; why did he bother with me at all? Was he fooling with my head? Using me to taunt my brother? Entertaining himself with a human who would soon return home, granting him freedom from any long-term consequences?

  That topic irrationally circled my brain and even toyed with my emotions. His opinion of me was somehow imperative, and that discouraged me with negativity. I wondered what he was thinking and if it reflected mockery of my tipsy state. Did he perceive me as a childish teenager who made a spectacle of herself? Was he somewhere laughing at me?

  Or did he generally like me—in a friendly way, of course?

  Regardless, a part of my brain shoved my boyfriend's face front and center, which I stubbornly discarded. I didn’t need the guilt or shame.

  But pushing Tyler from my mind only left space for thoughts about Alex to plague my brain.

  Groaning, I mentally screamed at myself. I had a boyfriend and was dishonoring him by lying in bed, thinking of someone else.

  I didn’t know how to face the day with all that guilt and so many unanswerable questions. Especially if Alex and I ran into each other again, which was likely. Almost guaranteed, actually.

  No, I had to avoid him at all costs. To continue allowing him opportunities for entry into my life was not fair. Even if the intimate friction of our encounters was all in my head, the brakes needed to be heavily applied. I had a boyfriend, and accepting help was one thing, but it opened the door to other favors and invitations.

  Like touching me, for instance. That was not necessary. Even if every strand of hair on my head was covering my face, no one had the excuse to place their hands on me. It tainted my thinking. Disturbed my plan to skid through my punishment incident-free so I could enjoy my freedom later. 

  With my boyfriend, I mentally reminded myself.

  My anger as far as Alex was concerned, could not be helped. I responded to him more than physically, and perhaps my expressive frustrations were a response to that rather than Alex himself? Or his intentions? There were only a handful of people who could rattle me, and even fewer who deservingly acquired a reaction. But Alex… He felt like one more person who was being added to that list. Only he was signing his signature without my permission. 

  I wrestled with myself about the mild feelings and attraction I felt toward him. It was a mystery why I couldn't just leave it alone or dispose of all thoughts pertaining to the man. He was a stranger, for goodness sake! Even disliked by my brother for unknown reasons, which was a red flag! That fact alone should have been an irrefutable reason for him to be the last person on my radar!

  Clearly, my willingness toward him was not approved of.

  Yet, it was absurdly overshadowed by my curiosity to know more about him.

  It was a complex range of emotions. Each swam inside me frantically, and none of them thought twice about Tyler or how it could affect him. 

  To tell the truth, the guilt for how much another man held my attention over my own boyfriend was baffling. Despite that fact, Tyler technically didn’t act bothered by my absence either. The lack of communication—no text goodnight or call this morning—appeared to have no effect on him and only cleared up room for someone else.