Monster

02

The whole way home I've been trying to find clever ways of how to tell Shane about this. I honestly don't know why I am agreeing to go through with this. Something in me is telling me to follow through and give it a chance. The worst that could happen is I get rejected, the best is that I'm actually in.

I've read over the flyer what feels like a thousand times. 'One direction Hiring a new guitarist for their backup band known as the other direction. Please prepare to play Little Things. Location: Moody Center Austin Texas. Date and Time: May 15th, 3:00 pm.'

I take a deep breath and head inside trying to figure out what to tell him. He doesn't do well with news like this so I'm hoping he at least takes this well. I mean it's not like I have a full-time job like he does, he's always complaining about how I need to get a job to help out with rent and certain payments.

As soon as I open the door I am met with the overwhelming smell of weed. This means that Clinton is here, Shane's weed-obsession friend. I set my bag down on the couch and take multiple deep breaths and try to figure out a solid plan for how to tell him.

I can't just be like 'Oh hey my boyfriend of 2 years I'm going to go audition for a boy band filled with really hot British guys' That won't go well.

After what feels like an hour but in reality, it was only 5 minutes of contemplating on how to tell him I finally figure it out. I walk up to the bedroom door and knock. "Open" I put on a fake smile and open the door. Smoke filled my lungs, do they have to be smoking at 4 pm? I walk in and take a seat in the bed.

"Hey Clint," I said giving him a small smile. "Hey whatever your name is", he's been over to the apartment over a hundred times but never cares to learn my name so I honestly just ignore him anytime he's over.

Shane looks at me and just doesn't say anything and goes back to rolling a joint. "So how was your day?" I at least try to make conversation before I just lay this news on him.

"Why do you care? It was a day, the same day I always have. Work, weed, video games, eat, beer then sleep. Nothing new" Ah yes his loving attitude filled with compassion. He hates when I try and make small talk, he much rather I just don't say anything.

I just sit there and don't say anything and watch them roll joints and talk about their work day. This is a two day out of the week occurrence for them. Clint comes over and they get high off their ass and talk about shitty nonsense or about a new country artist.

I honestly don't know why I'm even with Shane. I met him through a mutual friend but we honestly have nothing in common. He loves living in country places and overall is just an inconsiderate asshole whose whole personality revolves around getting drunk every day and yelling at people for no reason.

While me on the other hand hate living in the country and like cities a lot more, I'm a recovering alcoholic who cares about other people and take into consideration their feelings.

The only thing we have in common is our love for baseball and music. The only time we get along is if we play instruments together or watch a game on tv or go to a stadium. Other than that we're basically at each other's throats. But it's hard to let him go. We've been dating for two years now.

The first eight months of our relationship were amazing, we got along very well and truly cared for each other and hardly ever argued. After he got into alcohol and smoking he completely changed, and now we fight every day.

"You need something or can we go back to hanging out without you?" Shane interrupts my thoughts and I bring back my attention to him. "Sorry, I'll just go watch tv in the living room" I get up and walk away leaving them to do their thing.

This is what I hate most about him, he never wants to just talk and hang out. I understand he has a friend over and I respect him wanting to have alone time with him but at the same time, I just want to talk to my boyfriend.

I shut the door behind me and go into the kitchen. I grab the flyer from my pocket and look at it, the auditions are tomorrow, so I'm going to have to talk to him today.

I go into the kitchen and grab water from the fridge, I sit down on the couch and turn it onto a random channel and watch the show that was on.

A few hours have passed by now and Clinton is finally leaving. I'm finishing up dinner, Shane hates it if dinner is late. "I'm making your favorite, chicken alfredo" I smile at him. He just gives me a nod and goes to sit down on the couch and flips through channels until he lands on the discovery channel which has on some show about snakes.

I finish up dinner and walk over to the couch and sit his dinner down on the tv tray in front of him. I sit on the couch next to him and set my plate down. Before I sit down I go and grab our drinks. Shane always wants a Bud Lite while I just get a soda. Usually, I would get a beer too but you know, AA.

Okay, now's the time to tell him.

"Hey, can I talk to you about something" He takes a bite of his food and then nods not saying anything. I take a deep breath and pull out the flyer from my back pocket and unfold it. I hand it to him.

He draws his attention away from the TV and grabs the flyer. "The hell is this?" he asks while looking at me with narrowed eyes. I try to think of what to say. "Mack" his voice is now becoming more stern.

He's mad.

He only calls me Mack when he's mad.

Talk

Say something

Your silence is only making it worse.

"I saw the flyer on a bulletin board outside the meeting room and thought I can give it a try" I look at him trying to read his expression, blank. He's not talking which is not a good thing.

As I'm sitting there looking at him he's staring down at the flyer. "Ok," he said sitting it down and taking a sip of his beer. He then turns his face to me and looks at me through glazed eyes.

Did he just say Ok? Usually, he would be pissed off and yelling about it, but he just said Ok.

I give him a confused look, "really? I thought you would rip up the flyer and tell me I can't" he gives me a small smile. Is he really happy I got this opportunity, this is new. Maybe he's changing.

"Oh well you see, I'm coming with you. You are going to fail and I'm going to be the one to tell you how much of a fucking idiot you are, also I need some entertainment in my life. Having a boring girlfriend is not so fun anymore, time to spice it up" He looks at me with his normal blank eyes. He then takes a sip of his beer.

"You are nothing more than a worthless human who thinks they are something big. All you're going to do is embarrass yourself. So why not see my worthless girlfriend embarrass herself" He brings his attention away from me and then to the TV.

I fell my throat getting tight, Anxiety.

I stand up and try to make my way to the bedroom but before I could even walk away Shane strongly grabs my wrist and yanks me towards him. "You might want to start practicing that song, sweetheart" he then lets go.

He's such a dick.