Cupid X Psyche

bridge**

Cupid X Psyche

a short story by toneewritestragedies

Bridge //

- x x x x x x x x x x -

No. I can't be in love. I won't fall in love. Never! If I'm really in love, I should be dead right now. Impossible!

I shook my head in disgrace and looked myself at the mirror. I clearly remembered what I've said last time that this won't happen to me, yet here am I: hopelessly in love with someone.Yikes! A big yikes!

Naiinis ako sa sitwasyon ko ngayon. Ako 'yung nag-offer kay Psyche nang tungkol sa Love Game. Pero wala e. Talo ako. Aaminin ko, natatakot ako. Hindi dahil sa bibigyan ko siya ng BMW as promised pag natalo ako sa pustahan namin kundi dahil sa magiging reaction niya pag nalaman niya na na-in love na ako sa kanya.

I know I will be his laughing stock once he knew that it is me-who demanded to start the game, was actually the first one who lost. Ini-imagine ko pa lang na sasabihin ko sa kanya 'yung nararamdaman ko pero natatakot na agad ako. Shit, what am I suppose to do?!

Ayoko naman na basta na lang iiwas ako sa kanya kasi hindi naman ako 'yung taong bigla na lang umaalis sa problema pero ayoko namang umamin sa feelings ko! Arrgh! Ano ba dapat?! Hindi naman kasi pwede na ipagpatuloy na lang namin 'tong Love Game ng sobrang tagal na wala naman palang patutunguhan. We're wasting both of our times if we did that.

Lumabas na ako sa washroom at lumabas na sa Mall lobby kung saan hinihintay ako ni Psyche. Papalapit pa lang ako sa kanya pero pakiramdam ko sinasaksak 'yung puso ko ng paulit-ulit.

Ito na ba talaga ang feeling ng in love? 'Di ba usually naman masaya sa simula pag in love ang isang tao? Shit, bakit sa akin nasasaktan agad ako?!

Bakit ka naman masasaktan agad? Nabasted ka ba ni Psyche? Umamin ka ba?

No, hindi ako umaamin sa kanya at hindi ko rin alam kung aamin ba talaga ako! I know I've lost but it's hard to accept my defeat.

Then umamin ka na! 'Wag mo nang patagalin. You would get a heart attact! Sige ka.

Okay! Manakot ka pa, para namang nasisindak ako sayo-Wait! Am I just went nuts for talking to myself?! Duh! In love na nga ako, nabubuang pa ako. What kind of life is this?!

Na-feel ko na lang na hinalikan ako ni Psyche sa noo ko at doon na lang ako nakabalik sa ulirat. Nakakahiya, ano ba yan! Ang ganda-ganda ko pa man din ano!

"Titig na titig ka na naman sa akin, Wendy babe. Ano, in love ka na ba sa akin?" asar ni Psyche sa akin tapos tumawa. Hindi ko naman alam kung anong ire-react ko kasi baka sumagot ako ng oo.

Inirapan ko na lang siya tapos niyakap ko na lang siya ng mahigpit. This is the only thing that I can do right now. Kung pwede lang sana na ganito na lang kami palagi, pero imposible. Time will come that he's going to know the truth and I'm fatefully accept my loss.

"Ang sweet mo talaga ano. Yakap ka ng yakap sa akin."

I lifted my chin just to see his, yeah, his handsome face and looked straightly into his eyes. Sorry if I just admitted that he's handsome recently.

"You're my boyfriend. Ano naman ngayon?" tapos unti-unti akong kumalas sa kanya.

"Ang sweet mo din huh." sabi niya sa akin tapos nagsimula kaming maglakad.

Hindi ako mapakali sa buong duration ng lakad namin. And I really don't know why and what's the reason why I'm like this! Is this what really a love-stricken person does? This is frustrating as hell!

- x x x x x x x x x x -

We got a long, tiring day! Shopping, walking, eating, quarreling, PDA-ing. Wait, did I say PDA? Oh-kay, that's what couples do outside when they're having a date. That's normal, yet apart from feeling kilig, I also feel guilty. Kasi ako fini-feel ko talaga 'yung moment namin. I'm not into this Love Game feels anymore but he still does.

He stopped the car the moment we reached the condo establishment where I live in.

"Nag-enjoy ka ba?" tanong ni Psyche sa akin habang kinakalas ang seatbelt na nakakabit sa akin. Darn, I actually smell his masculine scent. Ang sarap niyang papakin!'

"Y-yes. Thanks by the way." I smiled at him then he pinched my nose.

Lalabas na sana siya sa kotse para pagbuksan ako pero pinigilan ko siya sa braso kaya nilingon niya ako. Nagsalubong ang kilay niya.

"Bakit?"

I took a deep breathe and looked intently on his eyes. Gosh, I can't take this anymore. This needs to end!

I just extended my hand to offer for a shake hands and he gave me a what-the-fuck look.

"Hoy, anong drama na naman 'yan, Wendy?" sabi niya habang palipat-lipat ang tingin sa akin at sa kamay ko.

"Just take my hand!" pinandilatan ko siya kaya alanganin siyang nakipagkamay sa akin.

"Bakit ka nakikipag-shake hands?" he asked me after.

I showed him a weak smile. Damn, minsan lang 'to mangyari sa akin at minsan lang ako ngumiti ng ganito.

"You win. I'm sorry, I can't take this anymore." I'm fighting and holding up my tears not to fall so he can't see that I'm crying because of him.

He looks puzzled with what I said. "Anong sorry? I won? Saan?"

"I'm going to give you your BMW prize next month. Thank you for this game. I enjoyed it a lot." I took all the courage to utter every single word that I need to say. Fuck! This is so hard!

I just hold the car knob to open, ready to get out but then I stopped myself and turn again to him. Niyakap ko siya at hinalikan sa pisngi at walang salitang lumabas na sa kotse niya. Dire-diretso akong naglakad papunta sa loob ng building nang hindi lumilingon sa kanya.

When I entered the elevator, doon na lang nag-burst lahat ng emotions ko. I cried hard. Good thing at wala akong kasama sa loob ng elevator hanggang sa makarating na ako sa unit ko. Iyak lang ako ng iyak. I know for a fact that he doesn't love me back, the way how much I love him, the way I wanted to be loved. That was too impossible.

Love is really synonymous to heartache and betrayal.