Identity Disorder

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Alan's POV

I didn't understand what Becky meant and I couldn't tell what she was saying because of her tears. I rocked her slowly until her sobs faded. Alex sat besides me on the bed with a confused expression.
"Did she say jack?" He mouthed.
"Yeah I think so" I mouthed back. His face went pale and he swallow hard. I held becky's shoulders and pushed her backwards slightly so she was looking at me.
"Tell me what's going on" I said in a calm but firm voice.
"They're lying. All of them. It's some stupid fucking dare thing to see who can keep a relationship for the longest. They don't give a shit about any of us" Beckys bottom lip trembled with anger.
"How do you know?" Alex's whispered, tears forming in his eyes.
"I read Vic's messages. There was a group chat with them all in. That's not even the worst part"
Tears spilled from my eyes as I tried to come to terms with the situation.
"What's the worst part?" I asked, unsure of whether I wanted an answer.
"They filmed us having sex" becky was shaking uncontrollable as she spoke.
"They wouldn't...." I whispered through my tears.
"I hate to break it to you both but Austin and Jack are just heartless cunts like the rest of them"

Without saying a word, Alex stood up and walked out of the room, his expression remaining blank.
"It'll be ok" I may have sounded calm but I was far from it. My head was spinning and my stomach was churning. I kissed becky's forehead gently before leaving.

How could Austin do this to me? I had given him everything. I trusted him so much and this is how he repays me. Everything I thought was true is a lie.

Alex was sat on my bed with his head in his hands.
"Why would they do that?" He whimpered.
"I don't know" I answered truthfully, sitting down next to him. I couldn't tell if I was angry or upset, or both. Whatever I was feeling made me want to smash my face into a wall and sob until I ran out of tears.
"I don't think I ever really loved him, not like I love...." Alex exhaled deeply, trying to compose himself.
"Not like you love who?" I asked, pulling him into a tight hug and wiping my tears on his shoulder.
"You" Alex buried his face in my chest and sighed.
"I love you too" I kissed his forehead and ran my fingers through his hair.
"No you don't. Not in the same way I love you" he pulled away from me harshly.
"What do you mean?" I sniffed, my brain overflowing with thoughts and unable to comprehend the situation.
"I realise now that the only person I've ever truly loved is you, Alan. These other crushes were just covering up how I really feel. And it's pathetic because you'll never feel the same" Alex whispered, using his sleeves to wipe fresh tears from his face.

I stared at him blankly. My best friend of 10 years had just told me he loved me. How the fuck was I supposed to respond.
"Aren't you going to say something?" Alex asked angrily, raising his voice. "Say something" he shouted, grabbing my shoulders. I opened and closed my mouth, unable to form words.
"ALAN" he yelled, moving his face so close to mine that our noses were touching. I tilted my head slightly then pressed my lips against Alex's. My hand traced patterns on his back as he pushed me backwards. He parted my lips with his tongue and I granted him entrance. His silky lips felt like perfection against my own but I knew it was wrong.
"Alex I ca-" I pulled away from him, propping myself up on the pillows behind me.
"But. But you kissed me" his bottom lip wobbled and fresh tears fell onto his cheeks.
"I know. I'm sorry. It's a weird situation. My emotions got the better of me" I spoke quietly and slowly approached Alex.
"No you can't do that. You can't just lead me on like that" his face turned a dark shade of red as he stood up, towering over me.
"Alex I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight. It's because of austin" I begged, his dominant body language was making me feel very uncomfortable.
"Austin Austin Austin. He's all you care about isn't he" he snarled.
"No. I care about you. I really do. In fact I love you just not in the way you want me too"
Alex's expression softened at hearing me say those three words, even if they weren't meant in the way he wanted them to be.
"I'm sorry Alan. I'm so sorry. I'm such a dickhead" he sobbed, sliding down the wall with his head in his hands.
"Shh it's ok. Shall we just forget this ever happened?" I sat down besides him and played with his hair.
"I can't forget the feelings I have for you Alan. It's not that easy" Alex whispered, hiding his face in my shirt.
"Okay. We'll work something out" I smiled unconvincingly.
"I'm sorry" Alex buried his face further into my chest.
"Don't apologise. You look tired. Wanna sleep?"
"Yeah"
I stood up and gently pulled Alex with me. I couldn't be bothered to change my clothes and it seemed that Alex couldn't either. He climbed under the covers and I joined him. I pulled him closer so we were chest to chest and kissed his forehead.
"It'll be ok" I whispered.
"You really think?" Alex sniffed, his eyes welling up again.
"They're just two guys. It really doesn't matter that much" I surprised myself with my confidence. Austin was way more than just a guy to me. I wasn't going to get over this as quick as I wanted to. "We'll always have each other"
Alex smiled weakly and wrapped his arms round my waist. I rested my head in the crook of his neck and slowly began to fall asleep.