love & hate | wroetoshaw

t h i r t e e n

harry swiftly turns around, a sense of urgency in his eyes. his eyes land on me stood in the doorway and they soften as he places his hand over his chest, taking a breath.

"bella," he says, a nervous laugh falling from his lips, "you scared the shit out of me."

"sorry," i say, looking down at my hands, "can i talk to you?" i ask, reluctance clear in my voice.

"i- yeah, sure," he stutters, "what about?"

"last night," i mumble, glancing my eyes up to him before looking back down at my hands, picking the chipped nail varnish off my fingernails. i look back up and see him nod slightly, gesturing his hand for me to come onto the balcony. i slowly walk over, copying his actions of leaning my arms against the railing. i smile at the view, the city lights twinkling across the river thames in the distance. i feel harry's gaze on me, watching me admire the view.

"this view is amazing," i smile, turning towards him.

"yeah," he lightly chuckles, "it's class."

"i just wanted to say–" i pause, examining his features, "thank you."

"thank you? what for?" he questions, his eyebrows furrowing.

"you know, for helping me when i had that–" i sigh, "moment."

"well, i wasn't exactly going to leave you," he replies, "i didn't know what was going on."

"i just got a bit flustered," i lie, not wanting to share my problems with the boy.

"it scared me," he barley whispers.

we stay silent, looking out into the city. a small breeze brushes past, causing a few pieces of hair to float around my head. i glace towards harry, seeing him still staring into the distance, the reflection of the city lights sparkle slightly in his eyes. i look back down at my hands, suddenly feeling awkward in the silence we've created, which is soon broken by harry speaking up.

"i'm sorry," harry says, abruptly, "for everything."

"what?" i ask, my eyes wide, shocked at his apology.

"i'm sorry," he repeats, turning his body to face mine, "i've not exactly been the nicest to you and it's unacceptable. i've been a dick, i know. i guess i was just trying to make you hate me."

i listen to him rant, before replying, "but, why do you want me to hate you?"

"because–" he pauses, taking a small step closer to me. images of the night before flash through my mind, causing me to slightly get déjà vu. he shakes his head and looks down towards his feet, slowly looking back up at me through his lashes, "because you make me feel things i don't want to feel."

i stare at him for a moment, unsure how to reply. he looks back down at his feet, a habit of his i've noticed over the past week, before turning back towards the railing.

"i'm sorry, too," i say, quietly, "i shouldn't have let my pettiness fight back. i get why you're annoyed, though. if someone came into my apartment in the middle of the night and claimed to live there, i'd be pretty pissed."

he lets out a small chuckle, "that's freezy's fault, he was the one that didn't tell me you were moving in."

"yeah, he's pretty forgetful," i laugh, "he forgot to tell me that my hamster died when i left him to look after it when i was away."

"fuck off!" harry laughs, "what an idiot."

"it's my own fault for letting him look after it, what did i think was going to happen? he probably tried to feed it a kebab or something," i look at him and smile. he looks back at me and copies my actions.