When I met your eyes//Skephalo

2. Why not

Word count: 1067
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BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE-

I'm startled awake by the grating sound of my alarm. It's quickly turned off.

I swing my legs around onto the floor and get out of bed, stretching. Once again, all my bones sound like rice crispy treats.

I pull my phone off the charger and walk out of my bedroom, heading towards the kitchen.

I'm not a fan of eating, but I kinda have to. I rummage around my cabinets and pull out a granola bar, then I reach over to the bowl of fruit on my counter and pull out a banana.

About an hour is spent sitting at the island scrolling through my phone. I probably would've sat there longer, but I realized my editor just uploaded the last video I had lined up and I need to record some more content.

I throw out my trash and grab a water bottle, then head to my office for the day.

A few hours go by and I record a couple different types of gameplay. It's all Minecraft, but I just played a few different online games and ran a small event on my server.

It's about 1:30pm when skeppy messages me.

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Skepster:
Hey bsd!!

SaintOfGames:
Good morning skeppy! :D what's up?

Skepster:
Do u wanna recprd a vidoe with me?

SaintOfGames:
Like, right now?

Skepster:
If it's ok!

SaintOfGames:
Yeah! I'll hop on discord, just tell me what the plan is there, k?

Skepster:
Kk!!
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Excitedly, I open discord and call him.

"Hi bad!! Okay so today I'm gonna do another trapping kids event!"

"Pff another one? What's the gimmick this time?"

"We're trapping them in.. and get this.. YOU!!"

"Wha- ME??"

"Yeah!! I got one of my builders to make a giant map that looks like your Minecraft skin!"

This muffinhead.

"Hah, okay. When are we starting?"

"We can start now if you're ready?"

I agree, and skeppy and I log onto the server he's doing it on and opens it up for all the contestants to join.

And he wasn't lying by the way. The map for today's challenge is literally me. Everyone starts at the feet, and has to work their way up to the head.

Of course, with me and skeppy there to mess with them, it won't be that easy.

The event goes well. Honestly nothing to write home about, it was just like all of skeppy's other events.

People dying, skeppy trolling, me insisting he be nicer, and lots of laughter. I wouldn't trade these recordings for the world.

Skeppy shuts down the server for the time being and stops the recording. He takes a second to get it sent to his editor, then leans back and starts chatting.

We talk about nothing, really. Minecraft, upcoming events, funny stories, and other general things you'd expect.

Eventually, the conversation drifts into one that makes me uncomfortable.

"Bad, I've been asking for 3 years at this point. Why won't you meet up with me?"

I can tell it's something that legitimately hurts him. And that scares me. It scares me how much it hurts me.

"I.." I don't know what to say. I want to ease his mind, but I'm still scared.

"... did I do something wrong?"

"NO!!"

...

"No, skeppy. This isn't your fault. It's mine."

"How's it your fault? I know you said you have your reasons, but I'd really like to know why."

I have to tell him. I feel bad letting him wonder like this.

"Okay. It's just that- ahem- I just.. don't want you to see what I look like."

I barely managed to stutter that sentence out. I feel bad having such a silly reason to refuse over and over.

"What? Why?"

Alright bad. Just answer honestly.

"I'm just ugly."

That works. Skeppy doesn't seem to like that sentiment.

"What the hell dude? You're not ugly!"

"Skeppy you've never even seen me."

"I don't have to see you to know you're not! You're an absolutely amazing person and that fact alone means you're not!"

He always knows what to say. His words make me feel a bit better, but I can't help but remain against the idea of him seeing me.

"... I appreciate that skeppy. But I still don't know if I can."

He stays silent for a few agonizing seconds. It's clear he's disappointed. He just sighs.

"It's ok bad. But if you ever change your mind, I'd be happy to see you."

I can practically hear his bittersweet smile through his voice.It's heartbreaking to me.

Skeppy got a call and had to leave, but I was still mentally caught up in our conversation.

It's about 6pm now. Just like yesterday, I stand up and stretch. I decide to eat something.

As I walk over to the kitchen, rat hears me and runs up to me. It is about her dinner time, huh?

I fill her bowl with kibble and turn to the counter to figure out what to eat. I didn't eat lunch today did I? Oh well.

Honestly I don't really feel like cooking. I guess I'll just have a tostinos pizza. I pull it out of the freezer and follow the directions, putting it in the oven for 25 minutes to bake.

As I wait I sit down on the floor of the kitchen and rat prances up to me and sits on my lap.

"Hi Lucy"

She obviously doesn't respond.

I pet the small fluff ball in my lap and decide to just.. unload my feelings. My friends say it can help so why not?

"I've been feeling so weird lately. I always feel so guilty when I reject skeppy's idea of meeting up. It's not like I don't want to see him! It's just.."

I pause and look down at my rat.

"... I just don't want him to judge how I look, y'know? I care about skeppy, a lot. And honestly my biggest fear is losing him."

"And I feel so upset with myself every time I disappoint him. Whenever he's sad it makes me sad. I've never really been an empath or anything, at least I don't think. So why?"

Rat looks up at me. She doesn't understand what's going on. She doesn't understand what's going through my brain or coming out of my mouth.

Maybe it's better that way. I just wish I understood what's running through my mind.