The Path To You

27. Be selfish

Connor's POV-

I'd waited as long as I could. I'd packed all that I needed and I took a few breaks. But now I was ready to go and there was no avoiding it. I was leaving and before I did there was one last thing I had to do.

Saying goodbye to Jetson was the worst thing in the world. I'd done it once when I left for rehab and that had been hard enough but I knew I was coming back. Right now I had no clue what was going to happen. I didn't know what would happen when I left and that unknown scared me.

I couldn't lose Jet, I couldn't do this without him. But it was selfish of me to ask anything more of him. He needed to finish college and focus on himself, I couldn't drag him down with my problems more than I already have.

Maybe I was a little selfish. Every cell in my body was screaming for me to ask him to put aside weekends and to call me every chance he got. I wanted to see him just as much as I did now even with the two and a half hour drive.

The wants were all right there but I didn't dare ask any of that from him. I just had to say goodbye and hope that everything worked out.

The second the door opened my heart felt like it was about to break. Jetsons smile was so wide the minute he saw me and I knew once I told him I was leaving that I'd rip that smile right off his face. I didn't want to be the one to ruin his happiness.

"Hey." Jetson beamed as he greeted me.

"Can we talk?"

I watched Jets face fall slightly. That beaming smile dimmed with my words. I couldn't do that to him. I wouldn't ruin this happiness for him. I made a silent vow that his perfect smile would stay on his face. I wouldn't be the reason for anymore pain.

"Is everything okay?" He questioned as he let me inside.

I didn't know how to answer that. Everything was okay, I was sober and while I felt that itch, that need with every breath I took I hadn't searched out the bottle yet. I'd powered through rehab, thirty days of pain and a shit ton of therapy. It had been hell but I'd made it out the other side, I had a lot of work still left to do, work that my therapist was ready to make me do.

All the things I'd forced myself to drag back up still danced through my head and maybe one day I'd be able to sit down and tell Jetson some of it. I'd be able to talk about those years I spent in high school but I couldn't voice it all out loud today.

So everything was okay but at the same time it wasn't. I was broken, I had thrown some bandaids on all my wounds to hold myself together the best I could but I'd have to rip all those bandaids off eventually. I didn't know if I'd survive the aftermath of that.

"I'm leaving." I blurted out needing to focus on the truth.

"Wait what?" Jetson just blinked at me.

"My parents want me home where they can keep an eye on me. I was already failing my classes before I left and now that I missed a whole month it's a lost cause so I'm dropping the semester and I'll make it up in the fall." I explained.

"But going home means-,"

"Yeah I know what it means." I cut him off not wanting to hear the words out loud.

I knew what returning to that town would mean but I couldn't deny my parents. If I wasn't going to finish the semester there was no reason for me not to return home. I had no argument unless I confessed the truth. Just the thought of my parents learning the truth had my stomach turning. I couldn't tell them.

"Why didn't you tell me? We spent all yesterday together and you said nothing. If you just told me I could've maybe tried to figure something out. There has to be a way you could stay." His face was filled with worry and determination.