The Art of Forgiveness

A Friend (Past 10)

August 28th,
Ever since the duel, my mind has been quiet. I didn't expect to live, let alone come out the victor. For quite some time, I have been sitting alone, silently wondering what I am to do. I find myself stuck, unable to move forward, yet unable to go back to the way I once was. I don't know where I even want to go or what I want to do. All I know is that I can't continue to stay like this. 
I took my competitor to a healer. He has been monitored for quite some time, but is making a smooth recovery and will be alright. I send him my best wishes, despite still being unable to forgive. I'm not sure if I saved him for selfless or selfish reasons. On the one hand, I wanted to save a life, even though he had caused me so much pain. That alone would make the act seem selfless on my part. However, I also did it because I knew that I would never be able to live with myself if I had become a murderer that night. I didn't want to leave that duel knowing that a person had died by my hand. I firmly believe that there is selfishness lined behind every act that appears selfless. There are always selfish incentives, no matter how good and pure the act. 
I'm not sure why I am writing right now. I suppose I just wanted to share that disappointing realization. However, if that were true, then I would speak it, not write it. 
Why do I still try writing? No one will ever see these pages. These pointless entries have no meaning. Some day, this book will die just as I do, forgotten and useless.
I apologize. Not to anyone in particular, but to myself for wasting all this time.
I don't forgive myself.

Kylian had to be hospitalized for quite some time after the duel. Apparently, Marc's magic had some unique effects that healers weren't quite used to seeing. He wasn't sure what that really said about him and his powers, but all that mattered to him was that Kylian would live. He would be required to stay in the hospital for a few months, of course, but he would be fine. Marc wasn't a murderer. 

Marc made sure to check in with Kylian's medics every day at first. After a week or two, he switched to checking in once or twice a week. Of course, he never actually went into the room Kylian was staying in, because he doubted Kylian would want to see his face after what happened, but he still felt that it was important to make sure everything was alright, especially since he was the one responsible for injuring him in the first place.

He didn't bother wasting time wondering why his powers had such unusual effects on Kylian. He liked to overthink a lot, but he almost never paid his own magical abilities any mind. They were honestly the least of his worries.

What was actually the most surprising to him was the fact that no one else came to check up on Kylian's recovery. According to the medics, not one person had visited. It made Marc silently wonder what Kylian's family situation was. Surely they must have been worried, so why weren't they visiting? Even if his family situation was bad, he was a huge deal in the tribe. Marc would have expected his room to be FLOODED with visitors and friends. Pretty much everyone knew that Kylian was hospitalized, (although most weren't aware why or how, since the only people who knew about the duel in the first place were the people from the bar, and most of them were too drunk to really remember properly,) so why wasn't anyone else visiting him?

Since not many people were even aware that a duel had happened, Marc decided to keep quiet about the whole experience. He didn't want people coming up to him and congratulating him on not dying. He didn't want to be rewarded for hurting someone, and he most definitely didn't want to be labeled as some daring duel victor. That was not the image he wanted to be associated with his name. 

Marc hardly spoke to Danielle during those months that passed. Not that she was home much anyway. It was funny, how different everything seemed, yet how similar his days were to what they were before. He couldn't bring himself to hold her close when he slept anymore. Instead, he would hold an extra pillow. He was certain she knew that he was aware of what she had done, yet she still never spoke of it. They never talked to one another in order to work things out. Danielle would always smile and pretend everything was normal, while Marc would look down and remain silent.