Breathe Me- Ziam (Mini-Fic)

Breathe me

Hey, so this is a new Ziam fic :) It is just a mini-one which includes four parts which are all based on songs or poems.

I really hope that this fic is going to be good because it is really intense.

Okay, thank you for reading :)

Part one

 

Help, I have done it again

I have been here many times before

Hurt myself again today

And the worst part is there's no one else to blame

Numb. That is how Zayn feels right now. Just numb. And maybe free but he doesn’t know if he really is. Maybe for the moment but he knows that if the wounds are healing all the pain and pressure is back. It never fades. He just knows it.

The way the thin metal would slide through the skinny layer of skin on the inside of his wrist could make him feel that way for the moment. Numb and free. All his problems are away for the moment and it feels good. He dropped the razor into the bin next to his toilet and sat on the floor.

His back against the bathtub and his wrist pressed against each other with a towel between them. It wasn’t a deep cut but still there was blood. He doesn’t like blood at all so he stares at the ceiling trying to focus on the pain and nothing else because he just didn’t want to see the truth.

The pain had something surreal and that is what he wants to keep, like it all wasn’t real, that everything is a game or a dream and he just has to wake up but it wasn’t and Zayn knew it.

After a few minutes he started to release the towel between his arms and softly turned them upside. On his left there was just one cut but on his right there were three. He knew exactly what each was for and that wasn’t helping in his situation. Zayn is aware that with every cut he has something that makes him remember the past. That sound so paradox but Zayn’s brain just keeps moving with this.

“You know what, I hate you. I don’t even know why I married you in the first place.” His mother’s voice was loud and clear through the whole house. Zayn had his room and bathroom upstairs with the old room from his older sister who is in University. But the voices from his parents fighting were still present.

For the moment he could forget that there were his parents fighting but now it is all back and he covered his ears. “Shut up.” He whispered because it is all too much but still the voices are present.

“That question I have on my mind since our wedding, go to hell, really.” Then there was door shutting and he knew his father was out somewhere drinking his ass off.

It was just a matter of time when his parents finally getting divorced. It was like that all the time. He comes home from school, the place he hates the most and not just because of the learning and then he finds his parents fighting over the smallest things.

It is 9 p.m. and it is the weekend. He just can’t go out with friends because he haven’t got any. He used to but they weren’t that great friend when they started bullying him. He doesn’t know why exactly but it is bad, really bad.

So bad that he gets hit almost every day. It started a few months ago and he just lets them. Because that is also the time he just lets go and feels numb. The same kids would get him after school and say disgusting things because Zayn was a ‘light victim’. Zayn didn’t argue he just knows that when he is home that he hates school so much.