traded my life [TWD]

『14』

I wish I'd had half the mind to fix myself up before busting into the police station. 

Somehow, in my maze of mess in my head, I didn't put it together that a girl stumbling into the station, shorts still unbuttoned, sobbing, with legs covered in cuts from falling on the pavement would send every officer into a frenzy.

"Ma'am, can you sit down?" a woman asks.

"S-Sha-Shane-" I blubber out.

"Get Officer Walsh," another man demands to a second.

The woman places me in the chair. "Hyejin, right?"

My chest rattles and I hiccup as I try to nod my head.

"Officer Walsh will be here soon. Just calm down, let's sort ourselves out.. Okay?"

I wasn't hyperventilating when Shane finally came out of the back offices. I was still sobbing, though. As soon as I see him, I push the woma aside and dart out of my chair.

"Hyejin, wha-" Shane begins.

I cut him off as I leap into his arms. I try to hid away in his chest. Things wouldn't hurt me if he could take care of it. I hated that I was hiding behind a man, but God.. everything was so wrong right now. Shane was the only thing that was right.

"Hyejin.. you gotta talk to me," Shane urges.

"Q.. I-I met him.." I reveal.

Shane's eyes glaze over. I could see the anger and disappointment.

"I'm sorry! I know you said not to. I just.. I needed to see.. and you- you were right, Shane. You were right! I'm sorry!" 

Shane doesn't hug me back. But, he doesn't push me away, either. 

--

I told Shane everything.

I apologized until I lost my voice.

"Say something," I beg. "Anything.. Please."

Shane hadn't said a word. We were in the back office. He was sitting on the desk and I was in the chair. 

He doesn't even look at me.

"Shane.." I cry. "Please.. Please, just.."

He takes a deep breath. I hold mine.

"I think you should go to a foster home."

My soul breaks.

I deserve that. I know I do. I fucked up way too many times.

"I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Please.. Please, don't-" I bawl.

Shane takes his cap off and takes inhales once more. 

"I won't ever do.. anything! I just won't do anything ever again. Please. You- You're the only one that gave me a chance, I know I fucked up. Please, Shane, please!"

I fall from my chair to the floor- on my knees. I rub my hands together, pleading with him to the highest degree.

"I'll never fuck up again. I won't do stupid shit. Please, don't.. Don't throw me away. Please.. Just.. Just one more chance. I'll never-"

Shane grabs my wrists and pulls me to my feet. My knees wobble and I continue to cry.

"Come on," he urges, standing up from the desk.

"Where- Where are we going?"I panic.

"We're going home. Let's just.. take the day off, all right?"

"You're not taking me to the state, right?"

"No. Let's just go home for today."

--

The following days were.. strange.

Shane didn't force me to go to school. He hardly made me leave my room. He took off work. Lori brought over some groceries and for the first time, Shane cooked our meals.

Despite staying at home 24/7, I hardly saw Shane. He would leave my food at the door and knock. When I'd race to the door to see him, he was already gone.

I knew what this was. It was jail time. 

He couldn't lock me up anywhere else. But, this.. this was me serving my time for the crimes I committed.

It was a week when I finally saw Shane at the kitchen table. He was drinking a beer as I place my dirty dishes in the sink.

"Your food tastes like shit," I inform, sitting at the table.

"I know," he agrees.

I fiddle with my fingers in the silence. God, I hated this. This is the time we would be laughing and joking.. making fun of each other.. something.

"Can I cook tonight?" I ask.

Finally, he looks at me. I chew he inside of my bottom lip anxsouly.

"Do what you want. You usually do, anyway."

I bow my head in shame.

"I'll do anything to prove myself.. Just, please don't do this," I plead.

"Do what? Act like a guardian? Because it's clear to me you need a guardian more than a friend."

"I fucked up. Big time. I kno-"

"No cursing in my house."

"What can I do to make it up to you?"

Shane tilts his head. "Give me time and space to think about it."

I nod to let him know I understood, but then I worry that's not enough. "Yes, sir."

"Making dinner is a good start."

I look up at him with hope. "Yes, sir."

I hurry out of my chair and set to work on making dinner.