I've Been Tired (TMNT 2012 Leo x reader)

"No."

  You sighed, fidgeting with your hands. Leo...Leo was your best friend. But his mind was elsewhere. And regardless of what he'd done wrong, you didn't want to hold him back from what he actually wanted.

And on top of that, you were pretty sure you couldn't handle another rejection. Maybe it was selfish, but you wanted to be...you know, number one. The way Leo was for you. And honestly? It kinda hurt that you weren't that for him.

Maybe you needed some time away, and maybe you felt guilty for that. But...you were tired of having your feelings hurt, and tired of being rejected in favor of his flights of fancy.

You took a deep breath, coming to a decision.

"Lee...I love ya. Seriously. You're my best friend." You said, and for a moment, he perked up. You winced, and continued. "But...Maybe we should take a break for a bit, y'know?"

His hands trembled. He looked shattered, like the light behind his eyes had gone out. And for a moment you wanted to take your words back, to run down the fire escape and give him a hug and whisper that everything was fine...

But he nodded, despite the glossiness of his eyes, and stared at the ground. "I...Okay. I guess...I guess that's...fair, (Y/N). I'm...I'm so so sorry."

You felt your grip tighten around the railing of the fire escape, and you slammed your eyes shut so you wouldn't have to see the heartbroken look in his eyes. "Yeah. Me too."

"...Yeah." He said, and his voice cracked.

You heard the sound of the manhole being shoved open, and then closed again, and when you opened your eyes and peeked through your fingers, he was gone.

Okay.

You took in a final breath of fresh air, and ducked back into your room.

Weirdly, you felt better.

Maybe you were a horrible person for that, but it was true. You felt lighter. Freer.

Things were gonna be okay.

You still cried though.

***

Raph was waiting at the bottom of the ladder in the sewers, with Donnie and Mikey at his side.

"So how'd it go Fearless?" Raph grinned.

"Is everything okay again? Are you gonna stop bummin' me out?!" Mikey said excitedly.

Leo stared at the ground and tugged at his wrist wrappings.

"Oooh." Donnie cringed, picking up on Leo's body language. "Do you want us to leave you alone, Leo?"

"Wait, so what happened?" Mikey frowned.

"Shh, give him some space." Donnie hissed.

Leo sighed and wrapped his arms around himself. "Raph, you're leading patrol today. I'm...I'm gonna take a break." He said as authoritatively as he could muster.

"So...it was a no." Raph realized, and despite being fully aware, Leo still felt himself die inside a bit more at hearing it said out loud. He scowled.

"Yeah, it was that! So you guys can...can stop asking, okay?!" Leo snapped, but at the look of shock in their faces, he deflated. "Look, I'm...I'm sorry, guys- uh guys and Donnie- I just-"

Donnie stepped forwards and patted Leo's shoulder. "It's okay, Leo. We..." They glanced back at the other two who stared blankly, and rephrased. "Well, I get it. We'll leave you alone if you want that, I'm sure Raph can handle being the leader for a day-"

Raph coughed something that sounded like 'Oh please no', and Donnie gave him a hard glare.

"Ugh...yeah sure I can, Fearless. So long as Snakeweed doesn't show up." He said finally, although he looked pissed despite the words.

But Leo had already vanished down the corridor.

He didn't think he could have sat there any longer, listening to his siblings talk...and for the second time in the past twenty-four hours, he found his eyes watering out of control.

He wiped the tears from his face as he ran into the lair, but they kept coming.

He'd messed up so much, and now he'd lost you. Maybe forever.

He slammed the door to his room open and slumped onto the bed.

He wished he'd never met Karai. He wished he'd been a better friend. But it was too late now...

Leo wrapped his arms around himself and let out a choked sob. He was so stupid. Maybe it was a good thing you'd left him...after all, he was clearly not good enough to be your friend, much less your boyfriend. He was dumb for even hoping you'd ever like him, regardless of what Raph said.

Raph was wrong, he thought, rubbing his eyes on his knee pads. You didn't like him...why would you?!

After all, he was more than just a weird looking sewer freak: He was a weird looking sewer freak who'd hurt you again and again just to keep himself from getting hurt.

(You're an insecure teenager, Leonardo, said a voice in his head that sounded like Master Splinter. Of course you've made a mistake, it's part of growing up- Leo shook his head and ignored the voice, choosing instead to let loose a rampant pile of insults on himself.) ( Stupid, stupid, incompetent leader. Dumb turtle. Bad friend. Dishonorable sad loser who's feeling sorry for himself again...)

He tried really hard not to cry, but it was far too late for that, seeing as everything in his general vicinity was soaked with salty tears.

He sighed and took a deep breath. It was okay, things were gonna be okay. You'd said you wanted a break, not that you wanted him dead, so that meant he might just get to see you again someday, right?

Someday when he would be older, wiser, and maybe a bit taller if he was lucky, and then he could take you out to the forest under a starry sky and say 'I am so so sorry, (Y/N). I love you and I wish we could be friends again.' and you'd say 'Wow Leonardo! You've grown and changed so much- you're way more like Captain Ryan than you are like that dumb idiot kid I had to deal with all those years ago- I can't say I love you yet because you're so different that I barely know you, but I'd love to get to know you! You wanna get boba tea or something?' and he'd say 'Heck yeah' and then you'd finally be friends again and everything would be perfect and he'd never be so stupid ever again-

...But that was just a daydream. In reality, it was far more likely that in the future he'd still be...A: a stupid kid. B: 5'1. Maybe 5'2 if he was lucky. C: a scary sewer freak that you were only ever friends with because you were so kind that you didn't mind his quirks.

In reality it'd probably go more along the lines of 'Hey (Y/N), I miss you.' And then you'd say 'Seriously? You're still not over that? Damn you're an even bigger loser than I thought. Also I'm dating this hot human boy who looks more like Captain Ryan than you'll ever get to look.' And then you'd show him a picture of your hot new boyfriend and Leo would inevitably end up with a hate-crush on him because you had awesome taste in everything and your taste in guys was no exception...which is exactly why he knew you would never ever date him.

Which was fine. Leo understood. But he didn't know what he'd do without having you as a friend...but Leo also wasn't an asshole. He might miss you, but you didn't wanna see him, and he sure as heck wasn't gonna cross that boundary as tempting as it was...

He swallowed. His train of thought was getting pretty unhinged, he was probably spiralling...he took a deep breath and got up from his bed to get some tea.

He stirred the matcha powder into his cup and watched it swirl...things would be okay, right?

Yeah...yeah. He still had Splinter. He still had his siblings. Maybe someday he'd get to have you back, but in the meantime...the sky was clear, the Krang weren't causing too much trouble, Slash hadn't killed them yet, he had a tea party with Chloe scheduled...

Life would go on.

It was gonna be okay.