Been To Hell

Chapter 15: Crazy in Love.

After a night of having a couple drinks with my fiancé, my exboyfriend, and an old friend, Jorel's girlfriend Vanessa came and collected the two intoxicated men. Pat saw the trio out while I sat at the island with my half drunk beer, waiting for the shit storm that was about to happen. Granted, I enjoyed seeing J again. It's been such a long time since I've seen him face to face like this. It was nice seeing an old friend, someone I saw almost daily then all of a sudden we just stopped seeing each other. It was weird, to be perfectly honest. It was like we were in our early twenties again, sitting in his mom's kitchen, having a good laugh. Y'know, before all the drama started and I made like a ghost and disappeared.

Matt's sense of humor hasn't changed a bit, neither has J's. And his girlfriend, Vanessa seems nice, I like her a lot. I've ordered some sugarfix merch before but I never realized that Jorel was dating one of the owners. I guess I've literally blocked everyone out of my life, their names weren't heard to me, their faces were unfamiliar and their lives were absent to mine. It was nice being a part of something bigger than just my life. But it was a very weird feeling, like one minute we were twenty-three with our lives ahead of us, then the next we were thirty with most of our lives behind us. It's a scary thought to be honest. In the next couple of years I can become a mother if I want. Pat and I are getting married in six months. A lot has changed in seven years.

Pat came waltzing in with a beer bottle in his hand. He stopped in the doorway. He looked down at his drink for a second. I could feel an uncertain doom hovering above my head like a thunder cloud. I was all too familiar with this feeling. This was the feeling of fear, and I hated it. My eyes shifted between the bottle on the counter and Pat in the doorway.

"I'm assuming you lied to me about your past relationship with my client for a damn good reason." Pat snapped lowly. He usually doesn't have a temper but he was hurt, and anger is the only way he knows how to translate his hurt. At first I was afraid of his sinister tone of voice but then I became annoyed by what he said. He feels self entitled to know every detail about my past, even though I've told him everything I felt comfortable telling him.

"Y'know what? Yes, I have a damn good reason; it's none of your fucking business." I told him off strongly. I was less than amused with how this situation was being handled. I assumed he'd be okay with the fact that Matt and I once dated but no longer, I'm with Pat now and that's all that should matter. I've never given him any reason to now trust me.

"None of my business? Are you serious? Not only did you lie to me, but you dated my client." Pat seemed angry about my response but he shouldn't. I gave him a valid reason as to why I didn't tell him. I shook my head at him and hopped off of the bar stool.

"Okay, let me get this through your head. One: I didn't lie to you, I told you I knew him from School and that we lost contact years ago, and I told you the truth. Secondly: I dated him before he was your client, so technically speaking; you're working with my exboyfriend. And thirdly: How fucking dare you, I don't have to tell you about every boy I've ever had feelings for or dated." I didn't mean to sound so bitchy but he was tugging at the last straw. This is the first time he's ever called me a liar. In seven years of trust and loyalty, he's never once called me a liar until Matt came back into our lives. The irony is crippling.

"How long did you two date?" Pat asked after a few long moments of intense silence.

"Five years, but we've known each other fifteen years before we stopped talking." I replied softly. I knew I didn't want to go back down this road but Pat should know the truth, as much of it as I can tell him. I watched as my fiancé shifted in his place slightly and frown down at me.

"Is he the one who raped you after your teacher sexually assaulted you?" Pat's question hit a nerve that was almost like an instinct. I had to protect myself, Pat and Matt. Because if Pat finds out Matt raped me, he's going to go on a murdering spree. I need to protect him. But then that makes me a hypocrite. I talk big about trust and honesty, yet here I am tempting to lie straight to my fiancé. The man I'm going to be marrying in six months, do I dare lie to him about something like this? I've never told anybody about who raped me. My mom doesn't even know. Nobody knows. So, do I tell Pat the truth or do I keep it buried six feet deep in the mud? Sometimes, you need to do what's right, no matter how hard it is.

"No."

Pat nodded at me with a relieved smile and a light sigh. His icy blue eyes were framed with sadness and sorrow by his thick but neatly groomed dark eyebrows.

"Do you still love him?" My stomach dropped. My heart stopped. I stood there in front of the man I love talking about the other man that I've forgotten that I love. How do I answer this? Do I tell Pat that I still have feelings towards Matt? Do I break his heart? Or do I break my own?

"No."

"So, you're not going to cheat on me with him." I know he's joking but it still hurt. It hurt more knowing that I didn't know the answer to that. I knew the right answer was obviously no, but I didn't know if I could keep it a no. I was with Matt for fifteen years, five years were us actually dating but still. I've missed him, but I have Pat now. I have the man I'm going to marry and live happily ever after with. After I left Matt I never thought I'd get that but then I met Patrick and he showed me a whole new meaning to happiness. He helped me up, dusted me off and kissed away the pain. He gave me trust and loyalty when Matt gave me heartache and distrust. It's because of Patrick that I believe in happily ever after again.

"No." I replied shortly then smirked a half smirk, shrugging my shoulder again. "-Why should I? I have you." I added flirtatiously. All sorrow and sadness washed away from Pat's face. His mouth curled into a flattered smile and he approached me. His arms hung wide open; he set the beer bottle down on the counter behind me as his chest engulfed me proudly. I was immediately assaulted by the smell of his cologne, it intoxicated me vigorously. I felt his heart beating against my chest as I buried my cheek into his collarbone. His strong arms wrapped around me tightly.

"I love you, Bow." Pat mumbled before kissing the top of my head.

"I love you too, Patrick." I said into his tee shirt. I stared at the engagement ring on my finger, running over the thought that Pat's the one who put it there. I love him, I do. I truly and utterly do. I didn't say it for him to be reassured that I love him. I said it to remind myself that I'm in with love Pat. I had to remind myself that by the end of July I am going to be Mrs Bow Connery. I do not love Matthew Busek. I love Patrick Connery. And there is nothing that can change that. No drama. No actions or words can change my love for Patrick and my hatred towards Matthew. I do not love Matthew Busek. I love Patrick Connery.