By My Side

Chapter 20 - Sidious

Author's Note: I feel the need to say point out that this was written to focus on a very depressed version of Anakin. Yes, he will get better, but not until later on. This is something meant to deal with trauma in a realistic fashion, and if you expect Anakin to be able to just wish his trauma and mental problems away, you're reading the wrong fanfic. I've dealt with some of this in real life. I know what it's like. I'm not going to act like depression is nothing and can just be 'fixed' or wished away.

~ Rivana Rita

Ngl, I was kind of disappointed by some of the reactions to the last chapter. I'm not giving any names, because it's not really a matter of who said what, but rather, the... impressions that I was getting from reviews that Anakin is somehow stupid by agreeing to meet Palpatine (what else could he do anyway?) and not taking anyone else with him (because he is sooo willing to drag his family straight into a death trap - sarcasm absolutely intended). 

Given the situation, what else could he realistically do??? Nothing. That's what. If he refused Palpatine, that wouldn't change anything. He'd just be hiding from the truths that he doesn't want to face, not to mention putting everyone, including himself, at even more risk for not bowing to the whims of the probable Sith Master. At least if he goes into the meeting, he can get information which he can use to his benefit. Anakin isn't stupid. He was a brilliant general and tactician. Depressed though he may be, that is still the case.

Seriously, if you want to criticize someone for the way everything is spiraling downhill, look at Palpatine. He's the one orchestrating this mess. 

~ Amina Gila

He wishes he hadn't agreed. Anything. Something. Just that he wasn't here, because he does not want to have a long conversation with Darth Sidious. Because the more he thinks about it, the more Anakin realizes Dooku wasn't lying. What does that say about the galaxy, if the only people he's close to he can't trust, and his enemies are more truthful than them?

Palpatine told him to come here, and he can't refuse. He... but he wishes he had now, so he didn't have to deal with this, but there's nothing else he could do. Go back to the Temple and pretend nothing happened? That he doesn't highly suspect the Chancellor of the Republic is a traitor? That would be even more treasonous than anything the Jedi could or would do.

He doesn't know what this means. Doesn't know... any of this, but he's not ready for this conversation. He probably never will be.

But it's not as though standing here, panicking about it, will make Sidious any less inclined to harm him if he wants to, and if he tries... Anakin has always believed in the Force, if nothing else, and he tries to let that certainty fill him as he enters. Palpatine's apartment is, admittedly, far fancier than it needs to be. But then again, all Nubians are like that – Padme, too. He wouldn't mind, except now, it feels like there's something sinister to everything. That's merely paranoia, though, so he tries to let it go and let the calm flow of the Light soothe him.

"I see you have begun to question our friendship," he says, once they're alone in closed quarters. Too closed. Anakin hates being in closed spaces. It's... only grown worse.

"Why bring me here?" he asks, body rigid. He can't help the fear devouring him.

"We must discuss this without fear of interruption, wouldn't you agree, Anakin?" He's acting as though this is any normal conversation, though now Anakin can see something sinister in his eyes. How he never noticed before, he will never understand.

"Yes," Anakin says – he hopes it's the right response, anyway.

Palpatine smiles. "Good. Would you like to sit down for our... discussion?"