BITTERLY LUSCIOUS

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 10

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Logan's Point of View:

    "But what, Cayan? Why bring up the past when according to you, it no longer mattered? It's been almost four years, Cay. Do you realize that? Four years. So why now? What suddenly changed? Is there something I'm not aware of?"

Roman's voice remained hard and unyielding, making the already overwhelming silence even more pronounced. Cayan flinched as if slapped, but he squared his shoulders, and did what most people in the business world were too terrified to do, faced Roman Steele head-on.

    "Because he...he...he..." the words appeared to have stuck in his throat for an uncomfortable bit before he regained his composure. "He was not the one who burned the bridge. I was. I messed up, Roman, no, I fucked up big time, and I don't even know what to do about it anymore. I don't know how to find him; I don't know how to contact him; I don't know how to fix it; I don't even know if forgiveness could be mine at this point. All I know is that I need to find him."

His voice cracked, and he turned away, his face was no longer a part of my view, but I could tell he had started to cry. Roman immediately stepped towards his spouse; all the anger and harshness from mere seconds earlier was gone as if never there. The loving husband was back on the scene, ready to comfort his spouse, but Cayan had none of it. Roman had taken only a step when the little guy lifted his hand in the universal sign for 'stay back.'

    "Baby..." he called gently, but again, the little guy wanted none of it.

    "I don't need coddling right now, Roman; I really don't...What happened should have never happened. It was supposed to be a conversation__ a talk between cousins, but it didn't happen that way. Instead, before either of us realized what was going on, it had turned into a fight. But not just any fight; this was ugly, vicious, so fucking vicious, and I was to blame. I was the one who blew the situation out of proportion and said things that should have never been said__that I should have never said. But because I felt justified in my anger, with little regard as to how they would affect him and our relationship, I said them anyways."

He paused, scrubbing at his face attempting to stop the steady flow of silent tears rolling down his cheek; when that did not produce the results he wanted, he pulled his hands away with a sound of disgust as tears continued to flow. All the while, Roman looked on, hands clenched at his side and a pained expression on his face. He wanted to comfort his husband but was battling the need to do so. The little guy had made it clear that he did not want to be comforted, and I could tell that my friend was warring with himself to accommodate his husband's wish.

    "I mistreated him..." the little guy continued after regaining some semblance of control over his emotions, "I treated him as if he was my enemy- no, even worse. And you know what the worse part is? He just sat there and took it as though he deserved what came out of my self-righteous mouth. He was right; we- no, I judged him as if I was God and then became the offended one when he tried to defend himself from my incessant probing. We all ganged up on him under the guise of being helpful when we were far from it__ I was far from it. He and I are families, and we were friends, but I went far beyond my reach as a family member or friend. I overstepped and trampled all over his boundaries, and the craziest part, I had to nerve to be angry."