I Had Him

April 2007: Something Will Never Be Found

I  H A D  H I M •

While I was cleaning our room and tidying up our things, I stumbled upon an old drawer, with dust scattered on top,  evidence that it hasn't been touched in months. I opened it and found our wedding vows. I chose to open Landon's vows first. He promised me so much that night. He told me many things that I never thought I would ever hear in my life. 

And then Landon suddenly came in the room and looked at the paper that I was holding, and he took it.

He smiled. Damn. That smile. There's something intoxicating about his curved lips.

He faced me and slowly held my hand, "I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not, to agree to disagree on red velvet cake, and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home."

He kissed me on the forehead as I wiped my tears of reminiscence.

I slowly slid my hand in my pocket and took out a piece of crumpled and torn out paper.

"I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. And to always know in the deepest part of my soul that no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find our way back to each other." I smiled cheekily as I speak out the final words on my wedding vow. It's the first time that I've seen Landon tear up in a while. Landon usually hides his tears from me. He doesn't want me to see his emotional side. He wants to show that he is a strong man, incapable of letting his tears flow.

Little did he know that I hear him cry every night. I hear his soft sobs, trying to keep his voice down as I sleep. He didn't want me to sense that something is lost in him.

Something is missing. Something will never be found.