Vegaspete: Just hold me this night

Just succor me this evening

POV Pete

I stumbled over my own feet when I ran down the stairs. I couldn't say I was happy, but I was relieved, so relieved to finally not betray myself anymore - even if I still felt Porsche's hurt gaze in my back. But from now on, there was nothing that could stop me from being with Vegas.

Finally arriving downstairs, I looked for him, and I felt as if I was gripped by an ice-cold hand in the neck. There was something that could stop us from being together, and it was Vegas. Because his gun was pointed on his own face, in the same position as Tawan shot himself. "Vegas, stop, what are you doing?!"

I wanted to run towards him, wanted to rip it out of his hands, but I was too scared to come closer than a few steps. I didn't want him to shoot accidently. I could see his face now; while Tawan was smiling creepily before he killed himself, Vegas face was full of pain. He didn't want a dramatic end, he wanted a relief. 

Instead of pulling the trigger, he reared up like an injured animal and screamed out loudly, letting the pain out this way. His breath was heavy when he looked at the gun and at me, like he would struggle to decide. "There's nothing left."

I took a deep breath as well. Nothing left? Then who in Mr. Korn's sake just left his friends and family to get along with him? "I'm here, Vegas. I'm here."

He didn't look at me, he wasn't moving at all, but he had put the gun down, so I didn't hesitate to come over and wrap my arms around him, or at least to try it, because he shook me off immediately. "Why did you follow me, Pete? I got nothing left." 

He looked so hurt, so vulnerable and alone, that I tried again to hug him, and this time he just let it happen for a moment, with a such a suffering whine that my heart ached. "Let me go!" He tried to shake me off again, and I tried to cling on him as my life depended on it. "No!"

Vegas crumbled down, and I held him as tight as I could; his sobs sounded so broken that my heart seemed to shatter. If I could carry a part of his pain for him, I would have taken it without any hesitation. "Why did you follow me, Pete?", he asked again, crying now, and tears run down my face. I couldn't speak, could just hold him tighter, trying to comfort both of us. Then suddenly he pushed me back, standing up, and raised his voice: "I got nothing left!"

I had enough. Honestly, this was getting hurtful. What was about 'just the two of us' now? Didn't he say he wanted me more than anything else? "Would you stop saying that you got nothing left? I'm right here." He didn't react, but he stopped walking away and just stood there, not looking at me. "And don't turn your back on me like this!" I didn't just mean that he didn't looked in my direction. I also meant the fact that he wanted to leave this world, and that he accepted that this meant to leave me.

Again, no reaction. I felt my heart breaking again, this time not due pity - this time I felt left alone. I didn't want this anymore. I wanted a hug, and I wanted to go home, to end this battle. I didn't want to fight anymore. 

"Because..." I tried to speak clear, but I couldn't stop sobbing. "Because I'm hungry."

Please understand what I mean, Vegas. Please don't expect me to fight anymore, please just stay with me. Please just take care of me. Please don't leave me, I will do anything for you, will never leave you alone. Just succor me this evening. 

"Are you very hungry?" Vegas tilted his head, but he still didn't look at me. "Can someone else take you to eat?"

Oh, he understood me, and I felt anger rushing through my body, giving me new energy. Somebody else, was he serious? First, he damaged me almost irreparable, made me part of his life, became a part of mine and wanted me to give up anything for him - and now he wanted to leave me? Did he just ask me for permission to relieve himself, to leave me alone in the mess he made?

I stood up. I didn't cry anymore, my voice was clear. "You dare push me away? You dare push me away, Vegas?" After I gave up everything for him? Now I felt tears in my eyes again, but they were caused by anger. "And why the heck did you tell me that you wanted to be with me?" He chose me because I was there for him, and not it was his time to be there for me. To stay with me. To succor me. 

I didn't know how to explain my feelings, so I used the same methaphor as before. "I'm your pet, aren't I? And I'm hungry now. And you walked out. So I had to come find my owner." I was crying, but I didn't try to hold it back anymore. He should see how I felt. How much he meant to me. How much he got left. 

"Vegas." Vegas still looked away, and that made me cry even more. "Vegas. Could you please turn around to see me?" Please, please just succor me right now, and I will be with you forever. "Vegas." 

Now he tilted his head, just a bit, before he slowly turned around. His face was full of dry tears, but he stopped crying, and when I smiled, he gave me back a little and insecure smile. For a moment, everything was perfect. He had chosen me.

Then I heard the shot, and Vegas' body twitched. For a precious last second I thought he just flinched, then I saw the blood. It was a lot of blood, and it became more with another shot, and another. Vegas stumbled for an internite moment, then he fell.

No. NO. This was not true, this was not possible. Not now, not after everything was finally fine. The whole world was suddenly immersed in an unreal fog, i saw everything from afar. I heard a tormented scream and didn't realise it was my own until me throat hurt. Without even thinking, I raised my gun and shot in the direction of the attacker until I had no bullets left, but it was too late to undo what he did.

My body was trembling when I fell down next to Vegas. "No. No. No!" I tried to wake him up with shaking hands, knowing it was to late. "Vegas." He didn't react, and even knowing it was pointless, I couldn't stop myself to call his name, over and over again. "Vegas!"

My voice broke, my throat was sore, but I didn't care at all. He was here, right next to me, but in the same moment he was further away than ever before. I couldn't stop crying, and it made my throat hurt even more, but I didn't even want to stop. It was nothing next to my heart that felt like it was slit with thousands of razor blades. 

His face was calm, calm and relieved. This was what he planned to do, this is what I was able to stop him doing, and now he was lying here, not moving anymore. If I wouldn't feel this pain right now, I would follow him immediately, but I didn't want Porsche to be the one crying next to my body in the way I did now. 

Every thought about my life made me scream even louder. My whole life had been a mess, and the most messed up part of it was the part that made me want to live this life. Our story was not supposed to end at this point. No author would ever be so cruel, except the real life itself.

I wrapped my arms around his chest, feeling the warmth in the lifeless body, and I didn't let go of him.

I didn't let go of him when the others came down the stairs. 

I didn't let go of him when the main family's doctor came and took care of him until the ambulance arrived, and they had to violently get me away from him when they drove him in the hospital. I didn't have much hope that they could save him, he was hit by several bullets. I just wanted to stay with him.