Vegaspete: Just hold me this night

Just choose me this time

POV Pete

I watched Vegas run towards the door, not getting up from the floor. I needed time, just a little time to think about everything, a moment without anyone trying to influence me. I had to make a decision, and every option seemed to bear a painful loss that I wasn't really willing to make.

My head screamed at me for even thinking about it. The logical part of my brain wanted to kick my ass to wake me up from this dream world where I could love whoever I wanted, as if it wasn't a thing that would betray anyone I loved. It was stupid and irrational, something Porsche would do; and something I would reprimand Porsche about. 

Porsche. 

Porsche was the best friend I ever had, and the only real one as well: I never really got warm with the other bodyguards, and we don't even talk about the pile of misery that I call my childhood. But I went in Vegas' house originally to safe Porsche, and I knew I'd still die for him. I didn't want to betray him.

The same was about the main family - they were definitely not perfect, but they were loyal and they treated me well for years as their head bodyguard. Just the thought to decieve them like this felt wrong.

But my heart knew exactly that if I could just safe one person, it would be Vegas. I still would rather die than letting Porsche's life come to an end, and I still would safe Kinn and Tanhkun and all the others, but Vegas was my heart's first choice, no matter what I tried to tell myself.

I knew exactly that it didn't matter if I decided against this man, because my heart wouldn't listen to my brain. It would never feel right to not be on the same side as Porsche, but it felt way worse to face Vegas as my enemy. When I shot him, I felt like I shot my own heart.

I sat up and looked at the car next to me. "This is fucking dogshit", I informed it. The car didn't answer, of course, but that meant it wouldn't judge me, so I continued to talk to myself, facing the car to feel less weird: "I am pretty insane for choosing him, right? I mean, he kidnapped me and almost killed me with his torture. And he kind of used me to trauma dump. I feel insane for loving him."

Luckily, the car didn't judge me, but I went silent immediately. I said love. I just said that I loved him. And fuck, I did. I couldn't help it, but I knew that I had decided.

A dull noise made me startle. A single shot, way up in the building Vegas ran into. My heart dropped. I hurried to follow the way that Vegas had taken, with an incredibly bad gut feeling. I followed almost a hundred stairs until I found an open door; behind it was just silence. I entered quickly, exactly in the moment that Vegas fell on his knees.

But it wasn't Vegas who was shot - it was his father. My eyes widened. I couldn't see Vegas face, but I could see his body shaking, and his voice was quiet and broken when he whispered: "Pa?" He reached out his hand and let it sink again then, and to be honest, I was almost glad to not see his facial expression right now, because even this almost broke me.

He bowed his head briefly, then lifted his gaze and fixed it on Mr. Korn before slowly pulling out his gun. I looked at both of them in panic before pulling out my own, not sure where to point it. "Vegas..." My voice was almost begging. "Don't."

Vegas seemed to not listen, he pointed the gun right to my boss' face, and I felt tears in my eyes. Right now, I could feel my decision in my heart stronger than ever before, but right now, I was still a servitor of Mr. Korn. Dear God, please not. Mr. Korn just stood there, not doing anything against it, and when his men pointed their own guns at Vegas, he shook his head. "There is no need. Get out." 

And in this moment, I knew that he knew. That he knew about us, about my feelings, and he accepted them. He knew that I wouldn't shoot Vegas, that I would not decide right now to shoot anyone of them - otherwise he would have told me to get out as well - and that made me feel a hundred times lighter. Now it was just up to Vegas to not shoot him. But I let my own gun sink as well.

"Vegas." Kinn's father's voice was calm and gentle, as he was not in any danger. "From now on, I'll be taking care of you and your brother." A few moments of silence followed, and now I really wish I saw Vegas' face, because I had no idea what he would do now. His breath was getting heavier, then he let the gun sink and left the room in a hurry, his face was a mix of pain and anger. He held his shoulder when he ran past me, and even though he bumped into me a bit, he didn't even seem to notice me. Which was relatable after... this.

I swallowed and looked in his direction. I wanted to follow him so bad that it hurt - I definitely made my decision. I gave myself a push and turned around, but I needed a few moments to find my words that felt like an eternity. Then I just bowed. "I..." After another deep breath, I tried again. "I thank you for your mercy. I'll always love and be loyal to the main family. But I can't betray my own feelings anymore." I was surprised myself how clear my voice was at this point.

"I resign."

Korn just nodded a bit, and that showed me again that it was nothing new or unexpected to him. He knew where I belong. But neither Kinn nor Porsche did, and the face of my friend when I took of my jacket and mark almost made me cry. He looked so hurt.

Mr. Korn came a bit closer to me. "Take care of him." I bowed again, for one last time, then I hurried to get out there. I made my decision.