How Is It? Tourettes?

eight

As the two headed out, Robert almost knocked himself out against the door frame.
"Woahh. Gotta try and change some of these tics dad. I think tourettes is trying to kill me," Robert smiled, chuckling gently. Howard smiled, chuckling under his breath.
"You can do that?"
"Not really. Kinda just got to wait it out and let them change themselves. I think that one will be gone soon though."
"Fascinating. And how am I only learning about this now? You were diagnosed with Tourettes at least 6 years ago," Howard ventured.
"Dunno dad. But hey, its ok. Believe it or not, but I'm still learning things about it and I was diagnosed years ago," Robert chuckled, looking at the pavement, watching as his feet stepping evenly down, focusing on the pattern. But just for a moment. He allowed himself to focus on the pattern of steps before looking back up at his dad.
"Every day's a school day or whatever," Robert teased gently, sharing a gentle smile with his dad.

"Ok, so which restaurant are we -"
"Bananas."
"eating at?"
"Let's go to Peach's!! She has fantastic cherry flavoured milkshakes and the mac and cheese is amazing. Wait, hang on. You know all of this," Robert chuckled, looking at his dad, the excitement waxing and waning in his voice as he continued to softly ramble about which restaurant he wanted to go to.
Howard chuckled and smiled. He nodded.
"Let's head to Peach's. It'll be nice-"
"Hahah."
"-to go there before I have to drop you off. It feels strangely like you're mother. We went out before taking her to the hospital, remember. I think we'd gone to that cafe that was attached to her favourite book shop," Howard said, allowing a smile to creep through as he spoke of the memory, a memory that he'd hidden in a box deep within himself, fearing that it would be too painful to look back on. Fearing that by looking back on that particularly memory, he'd open the flood gates for the bad ones. And Howie didn't want that. He didn't want to have to face those memories yet. The bad ones. He didn't feel strong enough. And he was in public. Howard didn't want to break down sobbing over things he couldn't change, he didn't want to face that trauma yet. So thinking of the happy times, especially in a time that felt so difficult for him, seemed to be helping a great deal. Thankfully, there wasn't the negative connotations, there wasn't any of the bad memories. The flood gates hadn't been opened. At least not yet. At least not now. At least not by this memory. And that felt good. That was just perfect. It allowed for him to focus of this time with his son, focus on the good times with his late wife. He could spend this time with Robert remembering the time with his mother. This time with Robert was precious to him. It was special. He knew that he could spend this time focusing on the good, allowing himself to enjoy the small things, allowing him to just enjoy. Something he hadn't done for quite some time now. Not since Martha's passing. So this time with Robert meant the world to him.
"Dad? Dad? You ok there Dad? We can just order take out and eat at home if this is all to much for you," Robert said softly, placing a hand gently on his dad's arm, bringing his father back into the realm of the living.
Howard shook his head slightly. "No no. I think we should go to Peaches. It'll be fun. We'll have a excellent time. Just spending time, the two of us, talking. We need this Robbie. Ok maybe not so much you, but definitely me. I think I just need some time with my son," he chuckled gently.
"Awk, look at you being a sop dad!! I didn't think you had it in you. Especially after mum." Robert said, pausing at the mention of his late mother. "I miss her dad. I really do. I know she's only been gone two weeks. I'm not even sure that that's enough time away from someone to miss them. At least not properly. I don't know. I kind of just wish that she was here with us. Going to Peaches. Life just doesn't seem the same without her. It doesn't feel as blindingly bright. Maybe that's just the grief. The loss of it all. I'm not sure. But I'm just grateful to have the dogs. And you. I'm so grateful to have you. The best dad in the world oh my goodness. I don't there's anyone in the world - go f*&k a peanut - who has as good as a dad as I do. I mean look at my life. Sure, I have Tourettes and I'm shitty at a lot of things, but I've got an awesome, not scratch that, the best dad. I have a dad that's prepared to send me to a clinic on a trial so that we can find ways of helping my tics mellow out. Not only that, my dad is prepared to do that two weeks after his wife and mother to his son has just died. Now, if that doesn't mean that my dad is the best, I don't what does. Because as far as I'm concerned, I have the greatest dad to ever grace this earth and anybody that has the pleasure of meeting him is so lucky. I don't know about you, but I feel so lucky, but also so devastated and unlucky at the same time. I've been rambling for way to long, and hey, would you look at that - giant arse - we're nearly at Peach's." Robert rambled, stealing a glance at his father to find tears streaming down his cheeks.

Howard was sobbing. Properly, openly sobbing. Why? He wasn't fully sure but had the feeling that it had something to do with the fact that he loved his son so much and hearing how much his son loved him. That. That was probably what had done it. Howard couldn't believe how proud he felt of his son. He couldn't believe how lucky he felt to look at Robert and know that that was his son, someone that he had helped to create and mould. Knowing that that boy was his, somebody that he himself had raised and taken care of, how lucky that he was still here to see Robert grow into an even more - if it was even possibly - amazing person than he already was. Yet there was also the dread, the grief and the despair that Martha wasn't able to stay, see him grown into an even more phenomenal man. However, Howard also knew, deep down in his gut, that Martha was probably there, seeing him grow even further. She probably had a way, even from death, to watch and see Robert grow and form even further.

Howard knew that Martha was proud of Robert. Howard also knew that she knew he was one hell of a proud father.