Chained To My Shadow || Loki Angst

<Chapter One> Uninvited

   Perhaps it's my own selfish pleasure. Maybe I've long given up not causing the pain of those around me. But then again, I don't suppose I've given them much of a reason to care about me these days. 

   Whatever it is, I barely found myself feeling guilty when I fell from the Bifrost that day. And I think he knew that too. 

   I'd like to think that my brother thought about me at least once since I was gone. 

   It's rather odd, isn't it? The fact that I still call him my brother. After all I've uncovered, after all I've done to him and everyone else who knows my name. 

   But I don't suppose Thor would feel the same. No one would willingly admit their heritage - whether true or not - to a... a monster. Because that's all there is to it. I'm a monster, I won't waste my time trying to deny that. A horrid, treacherous frost giant- 

   "Sir? We've arrived on Midgard." Came the gruff voice of one of the guards. I inwardly huffed. Time to make a fool of myself in front of the Avengers as well. 

... 

   Stepping out from one of the hallways, I found myself in a room with a bunch of couches and chairs facing a large-screen TV. I frowned. 

   That was frighteningly easy. I made a mental note to suggest to Stark that he may need to improve his security system. You'd think that after what happened just a few months ago they'd have- 

   "Unauthorised person detected in living room. Mr Stark has been alerted and will be with you shortly." 

   I jumped at the slightly robotic sounding male voice. Oh. 

   "Who are you and why-" Tony Stark, who had just ascended the staircase, immediately stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted me, Loki, sitting in his living room. 

   "Holy shit..." He finally seemed to recover from his terrified stupor. "JARVIS, tell every Avenger available to come down here right now." 

   "Already done so, sir." 

   Fuck. 

   I shot up immediately, which apparently wasn't the right move because Stark was already alert and calling for his suit in a matter of milliseconds. 

   "Waitwaitwaitwait! I'm not here to kill you!" Stark raised a disbelieving eyebrow. 

   "With the havoc you caused just a few months ago in this very city you're giving me a lot of reason to doubt-" 

   "Tony? What's going on? Why-" I scrunched my eyes shut and let out an unintentionally audible groan. My head was beginning to throb again. 

   "Look, just please allow me to explain," I tried, but to no avail. 

   I now had an entire group of fully armed Avengers pointing an incredibly wide range of weapons at me: Bows, guns, fists, whatever. The point is that any wrong move could've gotten me killed on the spot, but while that would be an incredibly tempting offer to take on in any other situation, unfortunately I was tasked with coming out of this one preferably alive. 

   "What are you doing here? Another one of your clever plans to take over New York? 'Cause that ain't gonna work." Natasha Romanoff was looking extra tough today, and her gun, even more so. I narrowed my eyes at the metal weapon. 

   "Surprisingly, that's not actually why I'm here. But I can't possibly imagine why you'd want to kill me, so could you-" 

   "We're not playing any games, Loki. We've got the upper hand here so I suggest you give up right now." I closed my eyes and sighed, standing up. That caused everyone's grip on their weapons to tighten. 

   Four months ago, I'd probably have laughed at how terrified they seemed. Now it makes me want to do no less than cry. Of course they were scared. 

   After what you've done to them... 

   Shut up. 

   "I was sent here from Asgard to repent for my crimes." I tried to sound as annoyed as possible. "Their idea, not mine. They forced me to do it." 

   Of course. You'd never even think of making up for it by yourself, you worthless, disgusting jötunn- 

   "Thor? Is this true?" 

   Only now did I notice my so-called brother standing beside Bruce Banner, wearing an expression of mixed bitter sadness, nerves and perhaps even irritation. When he spoke, his deep, rumbling voice sent a familiar and yet so very painful pang of grief down my spine. 

   "Yes, it is so. I had part in convincing the All-father to allow him freedom from his confinements so that he would have a chance at redemption." Almost all of his friends looked at him, bewildered, and I couldn't help but smirk at his ridiculous claim. 

   Him? Begging Odin to give me a second chance? And the All-father actually agreeing? The odds were beyond impossible. 

   "So you're saying-" 

   "I have to fight in wars beside you and be on your side until said otherwise. Yeah, I know. Tragic." Captain America narrowed his eyes. 

   "You have given us no reason to trust you. You will just betray us like every other time-" 

   "You're right: I'm a liar. But you can believe me, just this once. It wouldn't exactly be a good way to repent for my crimes, would it? Blowing up the city?" Tony Stark gave a humourless chuckle that, though I'd never admit it, made my blood run cold. 

   "Well well well, would you look at this? The mighty Loki kneeling at our feet and begging us for forgiveness?" 

   "I'm not begging for forgiveness, Stark. I'm way past that." 

   "What did they do to get you to do this? I gotta know." 

   Torture. Mental abuse. Maybe a bit of both. 

   "Well I would tell you I feel bad, but then you wouldn't exactly believe me, would you?" 

   "Not in the slightest bit." 

   "Exactly." A beat of silence passed. 

   "So..." 

   "Fine." I looked up, baffled. I wasn't expecting them to agree so easily. "But a single wrong move, and I'll very gladly be flinging you out of that window before you can say 'defenestration'." 

   That's understandable. 

... 

A/N 

 Defenestration is one of my favourite words. 

 -Heido_o7 

September 7th, 2022