Buddie One Shots || 9-1-1||

Time for you(or us) to cry

There's been a tough time for Eddie, difficult enough for him to let Chris know that he isn't always strong and okay, difficult enough for him to cry in front of Buck even if he's always the one that cries a lot, and is completely incapable of controlling his emotions, even if suddenly he was feeling even worst cause he worried his son and his best friend, his family.

Eddie is a natural caretaker, he his always the one that worries about the others, that saves people, thinking that he doesn't need that, that he doesn't need to cry, to suffer, to be saved.

Laying on his best friend's couch in the middle of the night once again, Buck has a different idea right now. He can't sleep, he can't stop watching over and over again the moment that he found Eddie sobbing in the middle of that messy room after Chris called, so so scared. 

It's the third night after that one, the third night that he is there trying to find a way to make Eddie feel better, trying to find a way to save his rock from the cruel reality, and between all that, trying to find a way to put his strong feelings behind his back.

It's not the moment to think about the way Eddie makes him feel. 

He still has a girlfriend so, that weird feeling can't be real after all.

Chris is still pretty freaked out and worried about his dad, Eddie is still barely sleeping, but this time is Buck the one that can't sleep, even if the other ones are both fortunately on their dreamlands. 

The house is in a complete silence, a really painful one, he loves that house, he always loved that house, he always felt so safe, so purely at home cause they are his family, but now he feels like that but in a different way, this house, their home has never been so sad (okay, maybe when Shannon died) and that makes him feel so empty, especially knowing that Eddie feels even worst than that. Buck needed to do something, he needed to fix this, it was impossible to him to see Eddie like this.

...that I'm never going to feel normal again

Hearing this mere phrase in his head, was enough to turn his eyes into oceans.

Suddenly everything stopped, the heavy silence, even the tears that were about to spill down his cheeks, cause he heard a sound,  to be more specific, a sound that came from Eddie's bedroom.

Buck got up so fast he lost focus on his vision for a couple of instants, than there he was, running to his best friend's room.

- Eddie? It's everything okay? - he asked knocking softly on the door, trying not to wake Chris.

There was no response to his worried question, a part of him thought he was hearing things, thought this was just a consequence from the mess that has been these last few days, from the lack of resting he has been giving to himself.

Than, suddenly a little crying sound, Buck felt like his heart was about to break into a million pieces, he opened the door in front of him, and now, now his heart just broke, there it was, Eddie, crying, laying on bed, curled around himself holding the blanket so desperately, he could see his shoulders shaking, he could see the fact that he didn't even noticed that someone came into the room. 

With his watered eyes, he approached from the bed, don't saying a single word, he didn't trust his voice at the moment. Carefully his hand touched Eddie's shoulder, the man jumped, visibly surprised, even a little scared. He never looked so small and fragile, he never felt so small and fragile. Buck knew that it was really really bad when he opened his arms and Eddie let him hold him, calm him. Eddie never gets to that point, not usually, he is not the type that likes to be taken care by anyone, at all. He hates to be seen so weak, even if it's by the person that knows him better than any other.

- I'm sorry, man... - he muttered, Buck was already about to stop him right there - You came here the other day and I was already pretty shaken, and now, here we are again...

- Hey? That's not the kinda thing you have to apologize for, ok? - in a sweet voice, Buck babbled that - It's not because you had a breakdown moment that you can't have another one, you are free to feel your emotions, don't forget that...

Than the silence came back, they didn't move a single muscle, they didn't want to. At some moment, Buck really thought that Eddie had gone back to sleep, so, in an instinctive way, he started caressing Eddie's hair and more to him, less to the man laying on his chest, he asked in a painful whisper:

- Tell me, how can I help you...? I can't, I just can't see you like that,  let m...

A secret small smile appeared on Eddie's lips. 

Here it is, Buck and his need to fix everything.

- You don't need to do nothing, you're here, and I'm so so thankful for that, Ev.

A all thing started inside Buck's heart, yes, the one that was now racing as fast as something really really fast(he was incapable to think about a thing as fast as his heart), and why? Cause, no one ever called him that, cause Eddie never called him that, and it sounded so sweet, adorable, sincere, that now he was really crying against Eddie's head, trying not to get any attention.

That's so weird, that's so new...

But it's not important right now.

Again.