peace [bucky barnes]

5

Bucky's right leg jiggled rapidly, gloved hands clasped together in his lap as he eyeballed the familiar brown carpet with his usual distaste. He wasn't sure how the week had escaped him so quickly, the majority of his time spent walking around the city trying to outrun his thoughts, but still it had passed and here he was once again waiting to be called into Dr Raynor's office.

As usual, he had muttered his name to the overexcited receptionist, who had responded in her typical bubbly way, something which grated on him every week. He didn't understand how somebody could be so warm and gregarious to people they barely knew, the ease of her actions completely baffling; it was difficult enough for him to socialise with Sam, let alone strangers, and he constantly felt like he had to perform to an acceptable standard whenever he spoke to somebody. It was exhausting, having to monitor his words and his actions so that he didn't say something wrong or give away too much information, and the mental toll it took meant he felt the urge to withdraw from socialising completely more and more often.

Despite her chatty nature, the receptionist never pushed too far, always leaving him to it after he muttered a gruff response to her offers of tea and coffee, declining every time. Bucky watched her now, her acrylic nails tapping on the keyboard, bright blue eyes rimmed with wispy false lashes scanning the screen, lost in her work. Her brow furrowed slightly as she read, quick tapping followed by gentle clicks of her mouse, her larger front teeth resting on her bottom lip in concentration.

He enjoyed observing people closely when they didn't know they were being watched, finding people the most interesting when they were completely oblivious to the presence of a spectator. He always found that you see true vulnerability, true honesty as there are no pretences or false actions when someone simply exists as they are; he found it much easier than having to talk to people. It was why he spent so long in the park, watching and taking in so many people who had no idea someone was looking; it kept things interesting for him.

Bucky was focused on the dusting of pink eyeshadow on her broad eyelids when suddenly the blue darted in his direction, meeting his gaze. Embarrassed to be caught, he immediately directed his attention to the floor, silently cursing himself for staring for too long, his brain overloaded with that negative voice berating him for being a psycho.

He refused to look up until his name was called, finding patterns in the shitty brown that he'd never seen before, and tried his best to suppress the voice as it continued to cram his head with chatter. Sounds of footsteps came up and down the corridor, the receptionist giving a cheery greeting to the majority of those who passed, but he still felt too embarrassed to raise his head, sinking further into the uncomfortable sofa and burying his face as low as he could in the collar of his jacket.

"Hey you!" The receptionist's voice came, a warmer welcome than she'd given to anyone else. "How's your day going babe?"

Bucky still didn't move, but her change in tone intrigued him, slightly tilting his head forward so he could eavesdrop better.

"Not too bad so far, Pen. After the atrocity of last week, every day seems like a godsend."

The second voice made his head snap upward, that familiar soft tone spreading through his body like butter. He froze as he saw her, blonde hair wavy and falling past her shoulders, cheeks rosy as she looked back at her friend, and everything else completely faded away. Her lips were moving, but he was so taken aback by her yet again that he wasn't listening to a word she was saying, foreign feeling as she smiled causing his stomach to turn.

She tucked her hair behind her ears, glancing at the floor as her smile grew wider at something the receptionist said. As her eyes came back up, her head turned in his direction, and for the second time in 5 minutes Bucky was caught blatantly staring.