Finding Home

3

Before I could search up Akash Kapoor and Aastha Kapoor, Ramesh opened the door to my room and entered it. Clearly Riya had already told on me to her dad. Honestly that girl was such a little snitch.

Ramesh: Riya said to me that you kicked her out of mine and Tina's room.

Me: you know I would appreciate it if you knock before you come into my room. I could have been changing.

Ramesh: you're changing the subject Anika and this isn't even your room anymore. You don't live here.

Me: still, I would appreciate some respect and privacy here so please go.

Ramesh: whatever. The point is that one, I would appreciate it if you could leave Riya alone for a bit. She has just lost her mother. Poor girl. She does not need you to be horrible to her.

Me: I also lost my mother Ramesh yet everyone still treats me like shit!

Ramesh: Riya is five, you are twenty something.

Me: twenty two Ramesh. You've been in my life long enough to know my age.

Ramesh: Riya is going to find Tina's death much harder to take in at her age than you are at your age. Please be nice to her and also, why are Tina's clothes scattered around on the floor of my room?

Me: Tina's dead. She's not going to care.

Ramesh: well I do. Tidy up your messes that you make, leave Riya alone and what is that photo?

He said, eyeing the photo of Akash, Tina and baby Aastha. He came closer so he could look at the photo but I slid it under my duvet. Even though Tina is not exactly mother of the year and even if she is dead, I was at least going to respect her wish of keeping Aastha a secret from Ramesh and everyone else. Even if I personally didn't like how she kept Aastha a secret. I was once a secret from Yash and her previous exes until her aunt died. I still remember the scene Yash created when I showed up at the door, saying I was Tina's daughter from a past relationship. I didn't need Ramesh to create a scene over Aastha.

Me: nothing Ramesh. Just an old photo of me and my friends. Go back to your guests.

Ramesh: fine. I'm going.

I sighed in relief as he left. Finally he was gone so I could go back to finding my secret sister and absent dad.

I could never forgive my dad for not coming back to me or checking in with Tina to see if she had me back. I could never forgive my dad for taking my little sister when she was born instead of waiting for the restraining order to be lifted off. I couldn't forgive him for missing out on my childhood like Tina did. At least Tina sent a card once in a while when I lived with her aunt. My dad sent me nothing.

It should be a sin to be a father yet not be there to support your children or watch them grow. As for Tina, it should be a sin to be a mother and be there in your child's life but make them feel as if they are not important to you. To feel that you aren't important to your mother leaves a hole. Most often it is felt as a hole in the heart. It's the hole where your mother was supposed to be. Where my mother was supposed to be.

I never wanted kids. This was because I was scared of giving them a father who would leave them and never contact them once. Another reason as to why I never wanted children of my own is because I am scared I'll be like Tina. Treat them in such a way that they feel unvalued, unwanted and unloved.

Hence I was never going to have a child and adopt a cat or two instead. I would adopt a dog if I could, but I developed a massive fear of them because of Yash. Yash had this dog that was so scary. It bit me once and I had to have so many injections. So I was adopting two cats at the most when I could afford it. They could make up for the fact that I don't have kids in the future.