MASON AND SAGE

Chapter 13 ~ Sage

I couldn't tell you how long I stood in the kitchen after Mason left me.

Left me.

My knee-jerk reaction was to run after him, to drag him back into my apartment and discuss things. But I stopped myself, because I had to make certain of my next steps with Mason. This was either a go forward, full-speed ahead situation or a let it fade away and turn in to a cherished memory situation. And it would be cherished because, regardless of those ten seconds he spent in an alley with Eva, he was absolutely right: the millions of seconds before that had been beautiful.

Despite wanting to tear out the door after him, despite feeling as if I were going to hyperventilate at the thought of my life without him, I put my next move on pause. It would be cruel to Mason to call him back if I wasn't certain I could put the alley in the past, if I couldn't one hundred percent believe he'd never do that to me again.

It's funny how you can take something or, in this case, someone, for granted. I was used to Mason being there for me, even when we were apart. He was always in the background, even when I left him, even when I refused to speak to him, patiently waiting for me.

Loving me.

The meals. The flowers. The texts and calls and letters. He couldn't be there to physically take care of me when I'd left him, but he'd made sure to take care of me just the same, with no promise or hope that I'd ever let him back into my life.

I used the palms of my hands to scrub the tears from my face. Looking in a mirror, I was amazed at just how awful my face looked after only a few minutes of crying. Well, OK, let's be honest -- sobbing. Hysterically.

Picking up my phone, I called my date that night, and apologized profusely for having to cancel at the last minute. I felt horrible doing that to him, but there was no way I could have faked my way through conversation with a stranger for even an hour. And honestly, I felt nothing but relief that I didn't have to go out and meet someone new. My first date had been nice enough, but it felt forced to me, as if I was trying to rush something you really can't rush. 

I had accepted these two dates to appease Hannah and Taylor -- and that was wrong. It wasn't fair to these perfectly nice men to be going out with them when I was not ready to start dating yet. I needed to move on in my own timeline, not some well-meaning friends'. And while jumping from relationship to relationship might work for Taylor, it wasn't for me. Neither was Hannah's two-week rule -- she always gave herself two weeks to get over a man before she forced herself to start dating again. However, I needed to process and think, allow my heart to mend so I wasn't looking across the table at someone and thinking about another man's eyes or another man's much superior smile. My theory was, if you didn't give yourself time to heal, you were bound to make the same mistakes repeatedly.

Ironically, I refused to impose a timeline on getting over Mason, but I'd given myself a deadline of three days to think about what I really wanted with him. For seventy-two hours, I would force myself to keep waiting and think clearly. At work, I was able to miraculously focus, so my shift hours flew by, but the minute I walked out the hospital doors, my mind was whirling, thinking, sifting, sorting.

Tonight, with just twenty-four hours to go, I was meeting Taylor and Hannah for dinner and I'd fill them in about what had happened with Mason and Eva. I hadn't shared that with anyone yet, so I was curious to see what their reactions would be.

We met at a little Mexican restaurant we all loved that had the best margaritas in glasses so big, I swear you could practically swim in them. By the time we had ordered our food, Hannah and Taylor were staring at me impatiently.

"Bryce said you canceled the date," Hannah said, not even pretending to ease into it. She just wanted the tea spilled and spilled now.

"Yep." Taking a long sip of my drink, I bought myself a few seconds to marshal my thoughts. "Mason came over when I was getting ready for my date."