We'll Recover Together

I Want My 60 Years

Ben put the hamper down and walked over to Miranda.  She slid over in the bed giving him room to sit down.  Miranda took a deep breath looking at her husband. but he just looked down at the bed. fiddling with the covers 

"Ben, please look at me"

Miranda said with desperation.  Ben deeply sighed and slowly brought his eyes up to look at hers. His stare was distant and one that she was unable to read. Normally a look from her husband told her when he was happy, sad, angry, or even in the mood to make love, but now there was nothing their nonverbal connection was gone, and it sadden her.

"Ben why are you being this way.   I am still your wife.  The wife you said you loved." 

Ben clicked his teeth and looked up

"I love you.  You know that."

"Then act like it and talk to me.  Tell me what's going on with you.  You're holding something in, and it is not good for you or us."  

"Miranda it's not the time.  You just got out of the hospital we don't need to be having a conversation like this.  You don't need to be worked up.  It can wait." 

"No, it can't" 

Miranda said. Her voice breaking.

"You're angry and hurt I know you are.  Why won't you just say what it is."

"Miranda," 

Ben said frustrated.

"Ben"

She retorted.

"Fine! You had a heart attack and didn't let me know about it until it was almost too late. You sat in that car with me knowing you were not feeling well.  You lied and said you had a meeting, knowing full well why you had me drop you off at that God forsaken hospital.  You were being selfish and petty.  You gambled with your life and why, to get back at me? Miranda, you could have died and all you were thinking about was yourself." 

"Ben I wasn't thinking of myself"

"Yes, you were!"

Ben said loudly, Miranda jumped at the forcefulness of his voice.

"You were not thinking of us and the promises we made to each other.  We are supposed to go through ups and downs together.  You let your anger at the choice I made dictate your actions.  You let them perform a major procedure on you and was going to keep that a secret."

Miranda gasped

"Yeah, I know!  Webber told me.  Him and Maggie pleaded with you to let them call me and you said no.  What, you were just going to act like it didn't happen?  How the hell were you going to do that? You weren't thinking about me and how this would affect me."   

"No matter what, I would never shut you out the way you did me.  Especially if my life was on the line. I could have lost you and I would have had to live with the guilt of thinking that it was my fault for the rest of my life." 

"Even afterwards you continue to reject my help. All I want to do is make sure you are okay and help you recover, and you won't let me do that.  So yeah, I'm angry.......but I still love you, even after all you've done.  The question is do you still love me?"

Ben was crying. She placed her hand on his, but he moved his hand away and it hurt Miranda's soul.  She started crying.

"Ben, I do love you. I'm sorry and you're right. I was angry with you.  I couldn't see pass the choice that you made, but please understand.  I was hurt too. I thought you choosing this job was you choosing to leave me. I couldn't understand why you would put your life on the line for others. I'm supposed to be the most important person in your life, and I think I was emotionally leaving you before you got hurt or even worse."