Vegaspete: Just hold me this night

Just hold me this night

"Vegas."
At first I thought that I imagined his voice because I heard it in my head every night. His voice, his laugh, even his breath. But this time, I heard it again, and again: "Vegas!"
I looked up, and I couldn't believe my eyes: Pete.
It really was Pete, barely visible through the window in the dark night outside, but it was definitely him, and he pressed his hands against the glass.
Pete. Pete came back, my Pete came back to me, and for a second, everything was okay. Then, while I rushed to the door, a thought came to me that stopped my unlimited relief for a second: Why? What the heck was he doing here, after giving so much to get out?
Petes eyes were red and swollen, as he had cried for hours, and new tears were already dripping over his face when he wrapped his arms around my body, crumbeling at my chest as a sobbing mess that wasn't able to stand by himself.

I held him tight, pressed his trembling body to mine, and while he was trying to calm, I slowly got down on the ground, taking him on my lap. "Pete." My fingertips gently stroke his face untill I took it between my hands. "Pete, what happened?"
"I don't want to kill you, Vegas." Pete looked up, looked in my eyes, and his whole face was filled with so much pain that I couldn't stop myself from giving him a little forehead kiss. Just a bit comfort. Absolutely meaningless.
"They get ready for a final fight, Vegas. Our practice sessions have increased, and we focus on killing. Headshots. How to hit the heart." I tried to swallow, but I couldn't, I couldn't even speek.
"They teach me how to kill you, Vegas. How to kill your friends and your family. And it feels so wrong." He buried his face in my chest. "I feel like a fucking traitor, you know? I know who my loyalty belongs to. I would die for the main family without hesistating even a second."
I never thought about this before, about how loyal you have to be that you would literally accept being killed for somebody elses life to go on, but Pete interrupted my thoughts. "So why do I feel like doing the wrong thing? Why does it feel so wrong to me when I shoot the people my boss wants me to?"

He didn't look up, but he pressed his hands on his heart, maybe not even being aware of this. "It feels like my head is loyal, but my heart is not. Why, Vegas? Why do I have to feel this?"
A memorie came up to my head that made me smile. "When you care about them, it means they are importaint to you."
Pete remembered the situation as well: It was a moment right after my hedgehog died, and back then, I was the one who lost his mind; now Pete was the upset one.

"I don't want to care anymore, Vegas." His voice whispered so quiet I could barely understand his words. "I am tired of caring. I care about anybody, anybody in the darn main house, I don't want to feel responsible for the whole world. I am tired of feeling like I am."
We both were silent for a while, he just slided a bit closer, and I pressed his small body against mine as he otherwise would disappear.
"Your head-" I tapped on his nose. "Your head is loyal. The most loyal person I know, to be honest. But your heart-" My finger wandered to his heart. "Your heart is in love with somebody that your head doesn't want you to."

Love.
The word was hanging in the air for a long time, because none of us ever said it before. And when his voice broke the silence, he sounded almost a bit defiant: "But I don't want to love you... fool."
I couldn't help myself to smile a bit, and this smile got even bigger when he slapped me. "I never planned to fall in love with you as well, Pete. Definitely not. But you can't plan feelings."
His eyebrowes disappeared under his hairline when he raised them. "You tell me you fell in love with me? When? When I basically was your pet? When you controlled me? When you fucked me?" His voice sounded bitter, and I realized that even sitting this close, there was left so much between us.

"You came back." I tried to swallow, failed and swallowed again. "Man, you had the chance to get free, but instead you stayed, just to comfort a sadistic psycho with a dead hedgehog that kidnapped and tortured you." I couldn't look in his face, so I started to play with his hair while talking.
"I think I already had these feelings before, but in this moment, everything broke out of me, and you didn't make fun of me or hurted me. You would have had so many reasons to hurt me back, but you tried to help me, and in this moment... my feelings where there before, but in this moment, I started to accept them."
Pete looked at me like I was a ghost, and then a little smile popped up on his face. "Damn, Vegas. If I had known earlier that I just need to visit you crying to make you admit you actually have FEELINGS..."

This time, I was the one who slapped him, as soft as he would could into pieces if I did it harder. "You are still a fool", he added, and then he kissed me. It was different, different then ever before. This hunger was missing, this desperation to get the other one, to almost own the other one. This kiss didn't demand anything, it was sweet and calm and left some place for real feelings. Kindness. Love.
I couldn't remember the kiss to end, but it did, because the next thing I remember is Petes head laying on my shoulder.

"Can we just give a damn this night?", he asked quietly. "No major or minor family. You are not a part of mafia, I am not a bodyguard. You never did anything to me. We forget it all, we are just... Vegas and Pete."
I nodded and gave him a little kiss on the nose. "Nice to meet you, my name is Vegas."
Pete's little smile grew. "I am Pete. And I feel pretty cold, can I come in?" I got up and pulled him with me. And suddenly he seemed weirdly.. confident.

"You have to make a lot of things right, Vegas, don't you?" I just nodded, pretty confused.
"Well, I will tell you how. Just hold me for the night. In your bed, not this awful playroom bed. Just hold me, don't you dare to touch my butt or even THINK about chains. Oh, and dinner would be nice. Curry, with some extra spice, please." He looked at me with a pleased smile as I nodded.
"Vegas can be given commands? A rare opportunity, I should use it again. Kiss me, Vegas."