summer child // joshler

38

tyler's point of view

today is thanksgiving.

i'm currently sitting in the backseat of my mom's car, my head leaning against the cool glass of the window and josh's hoodie keeping me warm. i don't particularly like any of my mother's family and none of them have shown any interest in liking me either. they all hated my dad and all they've ever seen me as is an extension of him, like i was nothing more than a parasite to my mother, feeding off of her under my father's guidance. i don't even speak to my father anymore, but i don't think that will change their minds.

i couldn't begin to imagine what they'd do if they knew i was gay. they're very religious people and i'm sure they'd think i'm disgusting, unnatural, and a sinner. of course, i wouldn't care in the slightest. i've never liked any of them too much. if they never spoke to me again, i would hardly notice.

the only saving grace i have within this gathering is a single cousin. phoebe.

when we pull down the dirt road to my grandmother's house, where holiday gatherings are always held, i exit the car as slowly as possible, keeping my hands in the pockets of my hoodie as we walk inside. my mom carries a dish of something she cooked up last night inside and greets everyone warmly, just like she always does. she's too kind for her own good.

i ignore the rest of my family, making a beeline for the loveseat pushed against the wall in the living room where phoebe is already sitting. i take the spot next to her and watch as she turns her phone off to look at me.

"hey, tyler. happy thanksgiving. it's good to see you." she smiles.

"hey, you too. thanks. i was gonna ask you though, i know i just got here, but do you wanna take a walk?"

"hell yeah." she stands up and leads the way to the backyard.

our grandmother lives on a rather large plot of land in the middle of nowhere, perfect for walks in the woods and avoiding other family members while getting as high as possible.

i pull out the joint and lighter i'd brought out of the pocket of my hoodie and wait until we get further into the wooded area to light it, taking a couple of puffs and then passing it to her.

"so, how've you been?" she asks, smoke pouring out of her mouth as she speaks. "i heard your mom and dad split."

"yeah, a few months ago. i haven't spoken to him. mom seems to be doing better nowadays though." i shrug.

"what about you, man? you know i don't really care about the rest of them in there. no offense."

"none taken i'm sure." i smile a little and then take a bigger hit to stall, using the time to try and decide if i want to give her the real answer. after i exhale and cough a bit, i go with the truth. "i've not been doing fantastic or anything, but i've been alright. school is going by pretty fast and i have a job now. i kind of had, like, an identity crisis but i, uh..." i pause for a moment. here it goes, "i'm gay. don't tell anyone, i don't want any of them to know. my mom knows but... no one else does."

"oh, shit! that's great, dude. do you have a boyfriend?" she smiles at me, taking another hit. it's almost gone now and it's definitely starting to kick in (thankfully).

"yeah, i do." i feel myself smile back at her. "do you remember my neighbor, josh?"

"duh, i remember your best friend for over a decade. that's awesome, i'm so happy for you guys." she slings an arm around my shoulders.

"thank you. he makes me really happy. it's like... he's so perfect. he's nice, he's smart, he's creative. he's patient with me and treats me so well. i don't deserve him at all but i really fucking love him."

phoebe and i talk for awhile longer, catching up and finishing off the joint i'd brought before going back inside. we're both pretty stoned but manage to make our way to the kitchen and load up our plates without having to talk to anyone else. we sit out on the porch instead of in the living room with everyone, enjoying the cool air and each other's company.

i pull out my phone and text josh about halfway through eating.

tyler: joooosh

tyler: happy thanksgiving :D

josh: happy thanksgiving to you too ty :)

tyler: i love u and i miss u a lot and im thankful 4 u

josh: i love and miss you too, baby. im so thankful for you <3

tyler: ur so sweet

tyler: i want to kiss your face

josh: that can be arranged

tyler: i told my cousin about us

josh: wait really? tyler thats huge! im so proud of you. thats a big step

tyler: thank u

tyler: she said she was happy for us and that if u hurt me she'd cyberbully u

josh: that's fair

tyler: can i see u later

josh: of course

josh: i'll leave my window unlocked for you <3

-

i'm sobered up by the time i'm climbing through josh's window. he stands in his room with a smile on his face as he watches me clamber inside.

"there's that smile." i walk up to him and wrap my arms around him, taking in the smell of his cologne and the soft fabric of his sweater. "i love you."

"i love you, tyler," he kisses the top of my head and squeezes me a bit tighter before pulling away. "did you have a good day?"

"i did." i pause, letting the warmth of being near him settle over my skin, the familiar, cozy, comfort seeping in from every angle. god, i love him.

"you okay?"

"yeah, i just... i want to do something for you." i step closer and slip my fingers through the belt loops of his pants. "show you how thankful i am for you."

"oh." his eyes widen a bit and his cheeks turn a shade of pink so pretty i'd paint my walls with it. "well, you don't have to-"

"i know i don't have to. if you're uncomfortable or anything, i obviously won't, but i want to."

"i-i can, um," he begins, getting a bit flustered as i pull him closer to me, "i can, like, do something for you first, if you want?"

"nope. i want to do this for you. is that okay?" i ask to double-check before i start to do anything. he definitely doesn't seem uncomfortable, just a bit caught off guard and somewhat shy, which is absolutely adorable.

"you're sure?" he asks me, his hands finally coming back to touch me, resting so gently on my hips.

"i'm positive. let me make you feel good, j. let me love you. okay?"

"okay."

(an: my thanksgiving tradition is eating a lot of food and then falling asleep with my head in my husbands lap and then getting up and eating more lmao. anyway, double update since i forgot yesterday. how are you all?)