IV: Freaking Special Forces!

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Shayne had thought about it all night. Had thought about it in his whole morning. This was it. He was ready. And what did he said on that one 'Why We're Bad At Dating' episode? "When you get older, you'll get better at being honest with people?" He knew he could be hypocritical, sometimes. It was one of those times. He knows it's all bullcrap. And honesty is not for the weak. Receiving honest might be manageable, but giving it might be one of the toughest, most terrifying thing a person could do.
He loves Courtney, and with that love comes the part where he never, in his lifetime, want to do something that will make him lose her. Especially not as a friend. He doesn't want their friendship to drift apart just because his heart got in the way. But at the same time his heart couldn't hold it together going another day keeping secrets. Not another suppression. But when loving someone, sometimes you just fuck everything else and just give in. Sometimes you can't help but forget all the consequence and start burning your bridges.

And so, he waits for the opportunity to get her alone. To talk to her. For his heart, he will try and shoot his shot. For his happiness, which for once he won't ignore, he must do something. It was true, maybe the game they played in Texas wasn't the only one they've been playing all along, or at least, he, had been playing. Maybe it was even a metaphor for the situation he was under. He hides with Courtney, and from Courtney.

He was having his coffee on the table near the restrooms, which gave him the view of whoever walks in. He's alone. And was probably zoning out since Garrett kept on sending him a confused and worried glances from the window of one of the office rooms. He smiled at him, as if assuring that he was fine. Well, he thinks he is. It was still a bit early and he was one of the first people to come in. And so he checks his watch, and decides to have a few pages to read on his book until Courtney finally arrives.

•••

Courtney had written about her trip to Texas in her journal. Not only that, but the details of what she had felt there, and what had really happened, under her perspective. The hide-and-seek provided her enough to feed her fantasies for weeks. Overly fixated since she had gotten home. She had put down her diary and slips into an outfit change.

She replays their interaction as she ran her hands on her vanity and flops on the chair. Their smiles, their glances, even the few hand-holds. It wouldn't hurt to indulge in a bit of delusion, not if you're alone and in the premises of your own room. But the flaw in that is doing it a few hours before work. Work. Where she'd see Shayne. Where Shayne would talk. Where she would realize the pain the product of her imagination would bring when met with reality. This was always the case.
It's a hard being an imaginative person in love. It doesn't even have to be love, might as well be infatuation. But nonetheless, thinking is a pain. She guesses that the word falling in the phrase falling in love, was right, because love hurts, and falling had always been synonymous to the word hurt.
She hates that she was already overthinking. She shouldn't be thinking about anything, she doesn't have the right to. At all. As if Shayne was ever in love with her. She was just a friend. And that's how it's supposed to be for as long as whatever. So, she tries to go about her day as usual, and with that would be knowing better. To ignore the urge to daydream. An effort to get herself ready for work.
•••
When he sees Courtney walking in the hallway, Shayne's heart jumps up as if he were sneaking around and had been caught red-handed. He follows her, instantly. She enters a door, and Shayne was so happy she had stopped there. The office kitchen. It was empty, except for the two of them, and it was almost sound-proof, that means it'll give them enough privacy.
"Hey...Courtney," His voice cracks,
"Woah, hey Shania," She laughs at his state. At this early of a morning. Though she felt her heart throbbing.
"God, please don't laugh," He pinches the bridge of his nose, "I'm already nervous." He adds, lowering his voice to a faint mumble.
"Why would you be nervous? Did you audition for something? Is there an audition coming up? Did something happened? Tell me." Her tone turns gentle as she places a hand on his shoulder.
"No, Court. No auditions, nah. I just have something I really, really need to admit." He replies and his hands start to shake.
"You can be honest with me. It's okay." She pins on, the sound of her voice high up in pitch. Her heart started to race.
Shayne squints his eyes shut and began to speak, "I... don't know if it's really a thing that you'd want to hear, but I-" He gulps hard. He'll say it now for whatever it's worth, "Courtney, I like you." He felt as if he was having a seizure.

Courtney was frozen where she stood. A million thoughts ran through her head all at once, and at light's speed. It was as if her entire system had collapsed. Though she was desperate to, but she couldn't even say a word.

•••
This went on, Courtney had not moved, and in every ticking moment, Shayne's anxiety heightened. His breathing gets heavier.

Why isn't she saying anything? What if she's trying to figure out the best way to reject me? What if she hates me already? Maybe I was wrong about this. Maybe I've already ruined everything, just like I thought I would. It was chaos inside his mind. Each thought was getting even worse than the previous one. He was trying to hold himself together, though without support, he would tremble. If only she didn't stay quiet. She always had a thing to say. Where is that spirit now? Even a cough from her, he would accept. Just something. Anything at all.

"I'm sorry if I screwed this up. I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry." He says, before running away. It took all of his courage to leave the room. He wanted to stay until he hears a word croak out of her. He needed a sign that he didn't messed up. But it seems like there wasn't any. He screwed it up. The damage had already been done.
And he instantly took shelter. Drove home, struggling through traffic, and found himself crying. He shouldn't have said it. If only it was something Courtney could easily forget, hoping that it would be possibly over when tomorrow comes. Why does the consequence have to be so blurry and out of sight when you need to see it the most? Why is life unfair like that? Why had he allow such carelessness to get better of him, to cause him this mistake?

He'd curled up in his couch. Tears still falling from his eyes. He was mistaken. Badly mistaken. I'm an idiot.
•••
"Somebody call nine-one-one! She's not moving!" Someone anxiously yells.

"No, just shake her around. You'll see." Another voice calmly suggests,

"Courtney! Courtney! Courtney!" For each time her body was shook, her name was repeatedly chanted.

Luckily easily responsive, slowly, consciousness had came over her. Courtney draws a large breathe, as if she'd just drown and had lost tons of breath. She sees people around her but,

"Shayne!" She screams,

"Where is he? I need to find him."

Ohhh...
Welp, this was chapter four, my guy! Welp, see you on Friday for the final chapter! (Welp's the theme)

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