Broken Soul | Din Djarin

chapter eighteen: the raiders

When you wake, the first thing you see is Din.

He's laying across from you, on his own cot, but he's moved it closer to your own. His pieces of armor lay piled neatly by his bedside and he's lying on his back, facing the ceiling of the barn. Conflicted emotions pile in your chest and you shove your face into your pillow.

It's too early for this shit. I can't let my emotions get the better of me. I have a whole day of training and preparation ahead of me. I can't be distracted. I shouldn't have let him get so close. What was I thinking?

You groan into your pillow, trying to suffocate your confliction and hoping the fabric of the pillow will muffle your noise.

It doesn't.

Din stirs next to you, turning his body to face you. You freeze when his gloved hand rests on your back.

"Alora, are you okay?"

Your body tenses at his touch and you keep your face pressed into the pillow, eyes closed tightly.

"I'm fine," you say into the pillow, your voice muffled.

"Oh...okay." His hand moves away from your back. You can sense that he wants to ask you something, but he decides not to.

You remove your face from the pillow, turning to face Din and staring at him numbly.

"Your cot moved," you mumble. "How'd you get over here?" You raise your voice in a way that Din would understand that you're not upset. You're just confused.

"When I came in last night, there were tears on your face. Like you'd fallen asleep crying. I wanted to stay by your side in case you woke up upset."

"Oh," your eyes soften and emotion builds again. Your chest hurts from the overwhelming amount of feeling and tears at his kindness and concern threaten to spill from your eyes.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Din moves off of his cot to kneel by you, brushing the hair from your face. The touch increases your urge to cry and you scrunch up your face to keep your tears from spilling over.

"I'm sorry, Din. I just-... I try to shut them out but... the morals and code I was raised in with the Jedi. It's tearing me apart... I-." You shove your face into the pillow once again, knowing you've shared too much of your emotion.

"What do you mean, Alora?"

"I-..." You let out a groan. Taking a few moments with your face pressed into the cot, you finally turn back to him.

"Nothing. It's nothing. I'm fine. I'm sorry." You sit up suddenly, rolling off of the cot and hitting the floor with a thump. Din watches you confusingly as you sit for a moment on the floor. You prop yourself up into a sitting position, looking around the barn.

"Where's the kid?" The kid isn't in his crib.

"Oh, Omera offered to take him in for the night. I thought it would be fine."

"Oh...okay." You struggle to get up from the floor, stumbling over to the window.

The villagers are already awake, practicing with Cara in the fields and finishing off the blockade structures. You watch from the window as a line of villagers practices their offensive strokes with their staff.

"We should join them," you mutter as you watch, deep in your own thoughts. You give your head a little shake to try to clear the muddled emotions and leftover effects of sleep. The emotions have become so bold and loud that your mind has gone numb in an attempt to avoid confrontation with them.

"Alora," Din appears at your side, startling you in his silent approach. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," you say bluntly, turning to leave. You grab your cloak on your way out, shrugging it over your shoulders and leaving without another word.