Round of Applause

Chapter 6: 3 Years...

3 years…that’s the least he could get. 3 years. 3 years without kisses. 3 years without hugs. 3 years without nonstop laughing. 3 years without holding him close. 3 years without hearing him laugh. 3 years without his beautiful love sessions. 3 years to let the scratches I left on his back heal. 3 years to be alone at night and not having him cradle my body. 3 years my kids go fatherless. 3 more years to mourn about Kennan and Dario.

3 years in prison. That’s a while. It’s like taking him away forever. I can’t even go a day without him. It’s only been a couple of weeks though, and my birthday is tomorrow, April 26th. I’ll be 24. That still seems young. Is it? I feel like my life is over some times.

When I got Manny and Sara from school, Manny did his homework and Sara recited her alphabet to me. I made them a simple dinner. Pasta with vegetables and strips of chicken in it. I made them some fruit punch. “Mommy when is Dario coming back?” Manny asked me. I swallowed, “Uhm he went on an adventure,” I lied. “How long?” Manny asked soon after. “About 3 years.” I said continuing to eat. “Is Dario going to die like daddy did?” Sara asked. I was shocked. Sara hardly ever talks. And then she just said that. I stretched over and popped her in the mouth, “Don’t you ever say that.” I said to her.

She looked at me puzzled and then started crying. She jumped off the chair, without Manny’s usual help and ran to their room. Manny looked at me with his father’s eyes. He put his fork down and started crying. “No Manny don’t cry.” I said trying to touch him. He yanked away and went to the room and opened the door, slamming it shut.

What did I do?

The only thing I could do. I cried. I made my babies cry. I’m ruining their lives just by me being all unhappy. But I hardly ever hit them and when I do I always apologize.

Later when I was about to go to _work_ I went to their room and opened the door. They were both on their beds. I sat on Sara’s bed and kissed her cheek, “I’m sorry Sara.” I said. She just laid there. I looked over at Manny who was staring at me. I patted my lap and he got off his bed and crawled into my lap. I embraced him and kissed his head. Sara sat up. “It’s just us for a while.” I said. “But you didn’t answer my question.” Sara said. I sighed, “He just might.” I said. “He just might.”

I sent them to Mrs. Jones and got ready for work. I put on some sweats and put what I would change into in a bag. I walked to the bus stop and was just in time for the bus. I sat to the front because I just wanted to jump right off when it got to my stop, which I did because I got there in less than 20 minutes. There were a group of teens on the bus, like they were coming back from a party or probably going to. They were blasting music and the woman next to me seemed aggravated. I used to be like that with my friends too, but I had to grow up, and take care of my kids.

I got off at my stop and walked the one block to Shadows Strip Club. The music was heard from outside and I entered through the back where all the girls entered. I automatically smelled weed and cheap perfume. In was in the dressing room where you put on you _outfit_ and cake on a lot of makeup and fix your hair. I changed into something skimpy and felt horrible. I looked in the mirror and started applying blush onto my cheeks slowly and tears started falling and mixed in with the powder. My hair was up in a slick ponytail. One of the friends I made here sat next to me, “Risky, are you okay?” she asked me. That was my name here, because I am risking my future here.

“Yeah, Midnight.” I said “I’m fine.” I lied. She smiled at me and walked away. I noticed she was wearing a thong, a bright pink one. She was beautiful. She was Hispanic with long hair down to her butt, thick figure and she could dance really well. Minutes later I was serving guys drinks, later I would have to go on. For just bending over I scored a couple of 20s and 50s. Men throw away money for this? I sighed when I went on the stage with some of the other dancers. I danced like my kid’s lives depended on it, which it did. And that night I had to give 2 lap dances.

At 3 o’clock I was leaving.

At 4 o’clock I was taking a shower.

At 6 in the morning I was downstairs getting Manny and Sara.

At 8 I was back home from dropping them off to school.

At 9 I got a call from my mother.

At 9:15 I was at the hospital.

At 9:45 I was at my grandma’s hospital bed.

From 10 to 10:04 I sang for her.

And at 10:13 she closed her eyes, never to open them again.

People can really die of a broken heart. When my granddad died she couldn’t live with herself. I’m heart broken, will I die soon?

*Yeah this is short, but I have to prepare you for the next chapter.*

What do you think about it so far?

ILY! ILY!