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"WHAT'S WITH THE SCRUBS?" It took a second to recognize that the look of such unfriendliness on Jalen's face was directed towards her. It was the first time she had been greeted by him with contempt instead love but then again...
She had never hurt him like this before.
At the question, Noelani glanced down at her clothing before answering, "I got a job with a vet. When you texted me I had just gotten home from work. Do you wanna go inside?"
"No. There's no point in that."
"I gotta admit," Noelani started in a cautious tone from where she was still sitting on her porch swing and her gaze on where Jalen was standing just below the steps of her porch, "I didn't think you were ever gonna reach out but I'm glad-."
"I didn't do this for you." Jalen's tone was cold as he joined her on the porch swing, managing to sit as far away from her as possible, "I only wanted to talk so I can get my mind right for the playoffs."
Noelani nodded once in a curt manner, pretending that her stomach hadn't just dropped to the center of the earth, "For basketball. Right." Her gaze dropped down to his bandaged right hand, "What happened to your hand?"
"Nothing." Jalen responded in the same cold tone, "Where's Alani?"
"Inside," Noelani twirled a shorter red curl that framed her face, "Where do you wanna start?"
Jalen was quiet again, his gaze on the dark ocean located across the street. Just when Noelani was about to remind him that they couldn't sit out here all night, Jalen turned to look her in the eyes, rendering Noelani speechless, "Why don't you wanna marry me?"
Noelani licked her bottom lip as Jalen continued to speak, "I mean, we were basically halfway there: we lived together, had a child together... I don't understand why you didn't want to."
Noelani sighed, "Jalen..."
"No. Don't 'Jalen' me. The least you could do is give me some damn answers." Jalen widened his dark brown eyes.
"I don't see myself getting married. Ever. It doesn't work out in my family. It didn't work for my mom, my grandmother and neither of my uncles," Noelani said in a gentle tone, "When I think of marriage all I see is-."
"Your mom and dad. We're not them. You can't keep using that as an excuse." Jalen snapped at her.
Noelani glared back in return then softened her facial expression at the look of anger upon him before drawing a deep breath, "Is that what you think?"
"I mean... Yeah. Our relationship, it was perfect. We were perfect."
Noelani took a second to absorb his words before releasing a sigh, "We were in love and happy but that's not the same as being perfect."
Jalen shook his head and then slumped against the wooden back of the swing.
"Can I ask you a question?" Noelani asked, her body now completely turned towards him.
Jalen didn't answer verbally, instead choosing to slide his chocolate brown eyes in her direction.
"Me not wanting marriage isn't a secret... I've been saying that since we met... Why did you ask anyway?" Noelani inquired.
Jalen tucked his bottom lip in, "I thought you had changed your mind. Guess not. Why did you say yes?"
"You freaked me out. We never even talked about marriage and then you were proposing on the sand out of like nowhere. I didn't wanna lose you." Noelani replied in a near whisper.
"You really fucked me up, you know?" Jalen answered in a low tone.
At his words, Noelani could feel her eyes well up with tears of regret.
"I'm sorry. You're the last person I've ever wanted to hurt." Noelani's tone was steeped in sincerity.
She took another gaping breath in an attempt to calm herself, "But if I'm being honest with myself now... You fucked me up too."
At once Jalen's face scrunched and he opened his mouth to retort but before he could, Noelani raised her left hand to indicate that she wasn't done speaking.
"Have you ever noticed that it's always been your way or the highway between us?"
Jalen crossed his arms in a childlike manner and once again Noelani had to bite back a chuckle, "No because it's not."
Back in high school, Noelani would've responded in the same immature way but motherhood had granted her more patience than she knew what do with.
"Jalen, you kicked me out of our- Your house. And then there was that argument we had before you proposed. And it was always me cooking and cleaning and giving up who I was."
"Aight!" Jalen cut her off, "I got it."
"That fucked me up," Noelani emphasized the word 'me'. "But I guess it's my fault because I let you run me."
Jalen was quiet for another moment, his body now completely slumped down so that his long legs stuck straight out, "I... I didn't mean to. I didn't know. You didn't tell me any of this. Why?"
"Because," Noelani rose to her feet, suddenly energized, "You were the one making the money and living your dreams. Especially when I didn't really have either. Who am I to tell you that I wasn't happy with the life you built for us? That I feel like I'm losing who I am?"
"I would've preferred that than this," Jalen mumbled, "I don't remember what life was like before you. I don't remember the person I was before you came into my life."
Noelani cocked her head at his words, "Maybe that's part of the problem. I don't really remember who I was before you either. Maybe we need some time to remember."
Jalen straightened his posture to put his head in his hands for a moment before standing as well and joining Noelani where she was leaning against the railing of the porch, "So what now?"
"Now... Now I think we get to know each other all over again," Noelani gently bumped his sternum with her shoulder and then smiled.
Jalen smiled down at her before bumping her back, "Yeah. Yeah, okay."
He glanced down at his watch, "I should go home. It's late."
Noelani pushed herself off of the railing, "Okay."
Jalen stepped down onto the path that led to her driveway then paused and turned around, "I like the life you've built for yourself."
Noelani broke into a grin as she watched Jalen get into his car then turned squarely onto her heel and entered her home with more peace she felt in a month.
NOTE FROM KY guffaw means laugh lmao vote & comment, please!
