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Wednesday | My house
"can we please talk" kai asked me. Raylon was at tootie house, and Kai decided to pop up. "what kyshon damn" i asked irritated of the fact that he keep tryna talk to me knowing he back with his ex.
"why you actin' like that" he asked sitting on the couch next to me. "what the fuck am i acting like? You steady coming over here, knowing damn well how i feel about you now" i said standing up with my arms crossed.
"how you feel about me" he licked his lips, standing up also. "bra... get the fuck kyshon. i don't have time for the games" i said walking away. "son all i did was eat yo pussy. you actin' like we fucked or sum" he said now clearly just as irritated as me.
"SO KYSHON?! i feel fuckin' guilty! you're xavier's homeboy and i let you do that" i broke down. "it was my fault ramari, i been had feelings for you" he said rubbing his hands down his face. "yea well... i was just going through a lot, and you were there. One thing led to another... is what i say to convince myself EVERY single time. this shit eating me alive. I feel awkward facing you, knowing what i let you do. Not only that, but did you have a girlfriend when we did what we did"
"no bra damn, stop askin that question over and over again. it ain like it's gone change anything even if i did. i still like you mari, that ain't gone change whether or not you reciprocate the feelings" he said.
"so where was nymia at" i asked. "ion know, we was on a break" he told me. "nigga please, you've been with her for how long? that's like the ex you go going back to, i can't even with you right now" i said before beginning to walk away.
"mari" he groaned. "why you makin' this harder then it has to be, i get that you feel guilty and all but what's happened, happened. Let's move on, we can start over" he said.
"how can you act like that knowing im your dead homeboys baby mama, not only that but EX" i asked raising my voice. "lower yo fuckin' tone speaking to me, he was doing yo ass down bad mari. Let's be real..."
"you really not shit kyshon" i chuckled bitterly before walking to my bedroom and slamming the door. "GET OUT" i scream from my bedroom. A moment later i heard my front door slam indicating that he finally left.
i went to his contact pressing the call button. "what" he answers. "Don't ever slam my door again when you don't pay bills in this hoe" i said hanging up and blocking him.
This really was all my fault. It was the death date of xavier, 2 years later. I drowned myself in wine, and he just happened to be there. I didn't expect it to happen, i just know how guilty and disgusted i felt with myself after knowing i used him for comfort, but in a sexual way.
I didn't tell anyone about the incident, thinking maybe i could bring it to my grave but seeing him with a girlfriend somehow made me mad a little. I went on a few dates but i always ghosted them... so here i am, lonely as ever.
