Of all the things

Chapter Eleven

That's exactly what I did.

Hailey's

HINDI pa rin niya ako tinitingnan. We've been here for thirty minutes and yet he hasn't said anything – at all. The was just looking at his plate, or anywhere else in this room. Hindi niya talaga ako binibigyan ng atensyon. Makailang beses ko nang sinipa ang paa niya sa ilalim ng mesa pero hindi talaga siya nakikipagtinginan sa akin. Pinag-aaralan ko ang reaction ng mukha ni Theo, he doesn't seem shocked to see me. In fact, parang well informed na siya sa mga nangyayari, at mga mangyayari pa lamang. Theo would never lie to me, but he tends to leave some details most of the times, iyong tipong alam naman na niya pero hindi niya sinasabi sa akin and this is a classic example of that.

"Are you two okay? Parang hindi kayo magkakilala. Hindi kayo nag-uusap." Theo's dad spoke. Ngumiti ako kahit iritang – irita ako kay Theo.

"Dad, Tito, could you excuse us for a while?" Sa pagkakataong iyon ay nakuha ko ang atensyon ni Theo. Walang abog na kinuha ko ang braso niya at sapilitang inilabas siya ng private room. Hindi ko talaga siya binibitiwan kahit na palag siya nang palag. When we reached outside, saka ko siya hinarap at hinampas nang makailang beses sa braso.

"What the actual fuck, Theo?! You know about this, do you?!" Naghintay muna ako nang ilang segundo bago niya ako tinanguan. Napamura na naman ako at muli ko na naman siyang hinampas sa braso.

"Aray naman, Hailey..." Mukhang nasaktan siya noon pero wala akong pakialam. Naiinis ako sa kanya. Bakit hindi niya sinabi sa akin? Bakit hindi niya sinasagot ang mga texts at mga tawag ko kanina?!

"Is this why you were avoiding me all day?" I asked him. Nakakuyom ang mga palad ko. Napakagat – labi pa siya. Mukhang iyon nga ang dahilan. Napapadyak naman ako. "You should've told me!"

"Anong sasabihin ko? Up until now hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaksyon ko! One moment you're my friend, and the next thing I knew, you're the woman I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with!"

"And what the fuck is the problem with that?!" Bigla ay parang nag – init ang mga mata ko. Why does it sound like he's already regretting it? Wala pa ngang matinong usapang nagaganap!

"What if this isn't what I want?" He spat those words and it felt like daggers to my heart. "Hailey, kaibigan kita, mahal kita, I am willing to do everything for you but not like this." Pahina nang pahina ang boses niya. "Mom always tells me that the choices we make in life defines us, you chose to be with Perseus before, why do I have to suffer with you now?"

My mouth parted. Halata sa boses ni Theo ang frustration. Nag-init ang mga mata ko. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang disappointment sa tinig niya, na para bang ipinamumukha niya talaga sa akin na hindi niya gusto ang nagaganap sa ngayon, na wala siyang choice, na para bang ako lang ang may gusto nito.

Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko, I cried. My tears fell and it seemed like Theo woke up from a trance when he realized that I am now crying. He tried to touch my arm but I took a step back.

"Hailey, I didn't mean it that way. It's just that I want to do more things in life. I want to make sure that—"

"I'll talk to my dad. Maybe he could find someone else for me. I'm sorry for getting you to this mess." I spoke those words with such finality. Mabuti na lang at may taxi na dumaan. Mabilis kong pinara iyon at sumakay ako. I told the driver where to take me, tahimik lang naman akong umiiyak.

Theo is right, he shouldn't suffer with me. Choice ko naman ang lahat ng ito, why would I let anyone other than myself suffer the consequences of my actions?