Of all the things

Prologue

I am Haley Consunji-Demitri and I always aim to please.

I want to please everyone. I want them to see how good I am, that I am indeed the best child of Helios and Yza Demitri. Palaging sinasabi ni Hunter na siya ang pinakamatinong anak ng mga magulang namin and I always tell them that he's wrong because that's my role. I am the best child of my parents. . . until my father found out about my relationship with my cousin—Perseus Vejar.

It wasn't planned. All my life, Perseus always takes care of me. When we were kids, he was always the one who stood beside me whenever our other cousins decide to pick on me. I was kind of different because of the colors of my eyes. I have a pair of different eyes, one green and one dark brown; dahil dito, palagi akong pinagkatutuwaan ng mga pinsan ko. For them, I was a freak, but for Perseus, I am beautiful.

He made me feel that my flaws are a part of my perfection. That in his eyes, I am the most beautiful and the most important – call me naïve or stupid, but those things made me forget that we were blood related, thus, I committed the biggest sin that I never thought I could.

I fell for Perseus Vejar and it stared all the bad things in my life. I knew it was wrong. I knew that we were bound to burn but the feelings are too strong that I cannot help it anymore.

I was happy.

Perseus made me feel loved and wanted. His kisses, his touches, they all made me feel like I want to be with him for a long time.

I know that he feels the same too, but despite all that, I knew how wrong it was and so, I wanted to end it.

I need to end it.

Pero tuwing sisimulan ko, at tuwing sasabihin ko sa kanya ang tungkol do'n ay nagagalit siya. Nag-aaway kami, he does things to hurt himself.

One time, he was so mad, he punched the wall at school and his knuckles were injured. I felt so guilty. I blamed myself for the pain he inflicted in himself. I know that Perseus loves me, I love him too, but our relationship is toxic. We push and then we pull each other. Maliban sa toxic kaming dalawa, hindi rin tama ang ginagawa namin dahil pinsan ko siya. Malayo man ang dugo naming dalawa, pinalaki kami sa lipunang malapit ang aming pamilya. Our clan has a close family tie and we value each other. Kahit na hindi magkasundo ang mga magulang namin, it would never change the fact that Perseus Vejar is my cousin... I am kissing my own cousin.

I am making out with him and it feels so fucking good. He makes me feel good and after that, I'd feel guilty for letting him do things to me. I know how wrong it is, but I couldn't find a way out. I can't because I love him.

Paano ko pa masasabi na ako ang pinakamatinong anak ni Helios Demitri if I am like this? I can't seem to get out. Every damn time I try, I felt guilty because he becomes hurt. Ayokong masaktan si Percy. I know how precious he is.

"If you need help, you can talk to me."

I was inside the science lab that afternoon. Katatapos ko lang umiyak dahil katatapos lang din ng ayaw namin ni Perseus. I wanted out. I told him that we need to stop this. But he was too angry. Hindi niya ako pinakinggan. Nabigla si Percy, nahatak niya ang balikat ko, nasaktan ako, I saw guilt in his eyes, and then he just walked out. I needed time to breathe, but instead my tears kept falling. Hinayaan ko ang sarili kong malunod sa kakaiyak. Hindi ko kailangan nito, kailangan ko nang makaalis sa relasyon ito. Hindi tama, pero hindi ko rin naman siya maiwan. I know that my father is having a hard time and he always tell me that knowing that I am his daughter and that I am kind.

How can I face him knowing that I am in this forbidden relationship?

I was startled when I found Theodore Calimbao Jr. standing near the science instrument's cabinet. Kanina pa ba siya rito? Did he see us fight? I swallowed hard. Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko sa kanya. He walked towards me and then handed me a handkerchief. I bit my lower lip, afraid that another whimper would escape my lips. I accepted the hankie and wiped my tears.

"How long have you been here?"

"Long enough to confirm the gossips." He mumbled but I heard him loud enough. I gasped. Alam ko naman ang tungkol sa mga tsismis na iyon, nahihiya ako sa mga taong nakakaalam niyon pero wala naman akong dapat ipaliwanag sa kanila, so I kept my mouth shut, but I am well aware of what they are saying about me, I just choose not to care.

"You do know that it's wrong..."

"I know." I bit my lower lip again. "But how could I stop? I love him."

"I..." I knew that he was about to say something, but he chose not to, but at this moment, I wanted to know. I wanted to hear it. Maybe it could help me, I don't know, I want to hear what he needs to say.

"What?"

He sighed at first, parang ayaw niya pang magsalita pero nang muli siyang tumingin sa akin ay nagsalita na siya.

"I don't think it's love anymore Haley," he said to me. "In my point of view, it's all about possession. He wants you; he gets you. That's just it. If he keeps on hurting you like that, then is it still about love? Do you love him, Haley? Or has it become a habit?"

Wala akong nasabi. Mukhang hindi rin naman siya naghihintay ng sagot. I sighed again.

"Can you be my voice of reason, Theo? I know we aren't close, but I like the way you talk to me."

"Whatever you like, Haley," he casually said. I sighed again. Yes, I like Theo Calimbao.