hyperspace! → star wars ✓

xii. one last stand

⋆☆.* ✧✰ .✦⋆*☆

NOVA BOARDED THE LAST TRANSPORT with great hesitation; even though she knew a fight was coming, leaving Holdo to die on the main ship just didn't sit well with her. She had known the woman for years, essentially since the beginning of the Resistance, she had become something of a friend in some ways—like the aunt she never had.

The young Jedi looked around, seeing if anyone needed any further assistance, but everything was done. She had helped everyone board, had helped load in necessary supplies, the only thing left to do was take off. She had done all she could, but that didn't stop her from feeling like she should be doing more. She felt a great sense of unease about the whole thing, but of course she wasn't the only one.

She took a seat away from the crowd, staring out a nearby window as they took off. It wasn't easy, but she watched as they passed the wreckage of the other ships, metal shards floating in space, telling the story of what had transpired over the past several hours. It was then that her gaze shifted to Poe, who was laying unconscious on a bench across the ship. She hated that she didn't hate him; he had been so stupid, so foolish, so rash, and yet she knew he had been trying to do the right thing, no matter how misguided his actions were. She wanted to hate him for it, but she couldn't; perhaps it was how long she had known him or maybe she felt wrong hating an unconscious man, but it was just as infuriating either way.

He awoke with a start soon after they had taken off, running to the window and watching as they flew away from the wreckage. Nova watched as her mother waved him over, and while part of her wanted to know every detail of what they were talking about, she told herself to stay out of it; besides, even if she couldn't hate Poe, she at least felt the need to be mad at him. She took to staring out the window across from her again, and didn't look away even as he approached her. Poe apprehensively took a seat beside her, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Did my mother tell you to come over here and apologize?" she questioned cooly, still refusing to look his way.

"What? No," he murmured.
"I mean, she did, but I was going to anyway. Look, Solo, I was stupid—"

"Yeah, you were," she interrupted, and he couldn't really blame her for it.

"I was trying to do what I thought was right, but I should've trusted Holdo, and more importantly I should've trusted you."

"You're right, you should've." She finally faced him.
"And you shouldn't have held your blaster on me. I already had to face off against my brother at a refueling station on my way here, that was the last thing I needed."

"Solo—" he paused, his mind suddenly on something very different.
"Wait, you what?" She didn't dwell on it, ignoring his question completely and continuing on with the conversation.

"Did you really think I wouldn't act in the best interest of the Resistance?" Needless to say, things weren't going exactly as he had hoped they would.

"I-I already said I wasn't really thinkin' much at the time," he murmured.

"That's for damn sure." She turned back to the window again, but even so she could feel the way his gaze softened; she could feel his guilt.

"Like I said, I was stupid. I was scared, and I clearly didn't handle things the best way, and I'm sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me right away, but I just wanted you to know. The truth is, I've gotten used to being scared, but when we learned the First Order tracked us...that was fear like I had never felt it before. I-I know that doesn't excuse how I acted, believe me, I know, but damn it, Solo, I was terrified." He paused, and she allowed herself to face him once more, her own gaze softer than it had been before. She knew how hard it was for him to admit something like that to her, and she respected him for opening up like that.
"You can go fight a Sith Lord and still be a powerful force of nature, but I don't have that power." Nova was conflicted; she wanted to stay mad at him, she really did, but she was finding it harder and harder to keep it up. Finally, she sighed.