Through Thick and Thin

I'm Sorry

Sarah's POV

I can't help but be pissed at myself for keeping this from Lily, but I have reasons. She obviously can't know about me planning to propose to her. Hopefully, this comes together before she breaks up with me, because at this rate she's going to.

"Morning Lovely." I whisper softly in her ear.
I roll over and kiss her forehead before getting up to make breakfast.
"Wait." Lily says before I leave our bed.
"What?"
"Where are you going?"
"Going to make breakfast. Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere." I say, trying to sound reassuring.
"Ok..."
"You sound like you don't trust me..."
"Because I don't." Lily says coldly.
"Ok, well I love you. I'll be downstairs making breakfast and our morning coffee."

"I'm going out today." Lily announces as she walks into the kitchen.
"Oh where?"
"To meet my friends."
"Which friends?" I ask looking up from the stove.
"My friends..." Lily says.
"Yeah babe, which friends?" I say with a questioning look.
"You don't need to know."
"Well, I'd like to know." I say coming up behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist. Lily just brushes my arms aside and sits at the kitchen island.
"Lily..?" I ask. "What's wrong with you, can I not get a hug?"
"I just want a cup of coffee please." She says with a shrugging look.
"Yes, sure, would you like me to make it for you or are you afraid I'm going to give you an STD?" Sarah asks.
"God Sarah, I know you're not going to give me an STD. Can I just have some coffee?" Lily says laughing sarcastically.
"If that's what you want." I say says returning to making the coffee.
"Yes, that is what I want."
"Ok then."
I drink my coffee and head upstairs to get ready, expecting Lily to follow after. I didn't hear any footsteps behind me, but I thought I might as well just go get ready myself. Once upstairs I go into the walk in closet that my girlfriend and I share. I pick out one of my many striped shirts to wear, a pair of comfy boyfriend style jeans and a pair of ankle boots. I hear Lily come in to our bedroom and then into our closet.

"Hi." I say turning around and smiling softly at her.
"Hello."
"Can I say sorry for upsetting you or?" I proclaim.
"I wanted to say I'm sorry myself actually." Lily says while watching herself wring her hands, then she makes eye contact with me. Those sweet, crystal blue pools staring at me. I can't help but bite my lip.
Without saying a word, I intertwine my fingers around hers and smile.

"I love you, I would never hurt you." I say with no hesitation.
I see a single tear form in her eye and trickle down her cheek. I wipe it away as she pulls me in for a hug.
"I love you, my sweet Sarah Catharine Paulson", she whispers in my ear before nuzzling her head into my chest.

I am rushed to get ready for work. My mind is constantly getting sidetracked by the thought of Lily. The thought of her reaction when I express my love to her in a proposal. I catch myself in a blank stare.

Later that day I decide to call up Zach and Emma to discuss some things.
We meet for lunch in the city.
Whilst eating we converse about Lily's engagement ring.
"I want it to be special. I want it to be the type of ring where people have to do a double take. Or the type of ring friends get jealous over." I relate over to my friends.
"Of course and Lily deserves that." Zach states.
"She definitely does. I can't wait. I hope this proposal happens before the panel we have coming up about the last project we all worked on together."
"Why?" Emma asks being her usual sweet self.
"Because, I want Lily to be able to show it off with me by her side."
"You're kind of being like a dog. Marking your territory."
"Uhm, yes I am. Lily Rabe is mine." I say trying to be as sassy as possible.
I look down at my phone and it's Amanda. I let it go to voicemail and decide to call her later since I'm in the middle of telling Zach and Emma about what's been happening with Lily. I tell them how she flipped out at me the other night after we met to go ring shopping. They're not shocked by it, since Lily's love for me apparently radiates off of her body when she's around me or talks about me and they can understand why she would be nervous. I then bring up the point of trusting the person you're in love and in a committed relationship with. Emma tells me it comes with every relationship and Evan is like that sometimes with her. Zachary just shrugs it off and tells me to get over it and it will be worth it. That is SO him.
"So did you talk to the jeweler yet?" Zach questions me as we're finishing our food up.
"Yes, yes I did. You were standing right next to me the other day."
"No, Sarah, since? Have you talked to him since you designed the ring?"
"Oh yes, I did. We talked about pick up times. He said he can have it done by next Wednesday."
"Well, that's before the panel, so that's a plus." Emma says.
"I know, I'm happy about that. Jessica texted me yesterday about the paparazzi pictures she saw of us leaving many jewelry stores asking what was going on. I just lied and said that I was looking for an early birthday present for Lily, like a bracelet or something stupid." I informed my two friends.
We finish up our lovely lunch and I decide to go to Whole Foods on the way home. I pick up Lily's favorite tea that we ran out of and a fresh bouquet of flowers for my angel. I call Amanda on my way home and announce my big plans. She then wonders if that's why Lily called her the other day. I tell her that that is the reason why and let her in on what has been going on between us. As Emma, she is not shocked that Lily reacted that way.

As I pull in the driveway I see Lily's car parked. I walk in and see that she too has just gotten home. I smile when I say her designer bag sitting neatly on the counter with her water bottle next to it. Hearing some noise upstairs I run up the staircase and find Lily changing out of her 'work' clothes. Slowly, I go up behind her and place a kiss on her neck that sends shivers down her spine.
"Hi babe." She says ever so softly after throwing her shirt over her head.
"Hello love." I respond kissing her cheek this time.
"Did you just get home?"
"No Lily, I've been home for an hour, you just didn't see me. Yes love, I just got home." I chuckle.
"How was work and whatever lunch plans you had?" She says while grabbing my hand.
"Work was long, I cannot wait to crawl into bed with you tonight like every other night." I say when biting my lip.
With that comment Lily flashes me a soft smile.
"And lunch was good. Taissa and Jessica say 'Hi'." I lie.
Lily just smiles back again at that comment. I myself undress and change into a t-shirt and sweatpants, we make our way down to the kitchen. As I'm making dinner my phone rings and Lily is closer to it, so I ask her to answer it.
"Babe? It's someone from a jewelry store asking to talk to you about something?"
Shit I think in my head.
"Give me." I proclaim sternly running out of the kitchen not caring if I burn our dinner.
"Woah, ok. Relax." Lily says laughing and handing my iPhone over.
I thank her and talk to the jeweler as I continue to cook dinner for my love and I.

"What was that about?" Lily asks coming into the kitchen as I'm plating our dinner.
"Oh, just something I asked about that I might be getting my sister." I lie again.
"You're so sweet! What are you thinking about getting her?"
I stutter, "Uh, just a bracelet..."
"That's sweet. Do you have a picture?" Lily asking just being her adorable, sweet self.
"No, I uh, I don't. I just went in to the jeweler and left my number because I had to ask if they made a certain type."
"Oh, ok. Will you show me when you get it?"
Oh god, can she please stop asking questions? I love this woman, for christ sake I'm asking her to marry me, but she needs to stop. She's making it so much harder for me.
"Yes babe, I will show you when I get it." I say while getting the wine glasses.
Lily is satisfied with that answer and finally stops asking questions.

I really can't catch a break around her. I either have my future finacée mad at me and thinking I'm keeping something huge from her or having her asking too many questions and almost blowing the engagement. Our dinner that night is the most peaceful one we have had all week and I missed it.

After dinner, I give her the flowers and surprise her with a cup of tea on the couch as we catch up Game of Thrones. By the end of the episode, Lily is fast asleep, curled up like a kitten. I grab her up and attempt to carry her into bed. I wake her and make her walk rest of the way. Lily is so tired and sleepy that it's almost as if she is still sleeping. I give her a gentle kiss on her luscious lips before I drift off into a deep, comfortable slumber.