Xanax, Sorrow, and Love (A Mikey Way Fanfiction)

Epilouge

Snow falls gently on the windows outside. Inside, it's warm. A little kid's cartoon is playing on the TV, quietly. It's all quite mundane.
My daughter, Venus Way-Darkwood, plays with her Hot Wheels and Barbies on the couch, still in her pajamas. It's winter break from kindergarten, a couple months after her birthday.
It's been nearly seven months since Mikey left on tour, in May of 2007. His band, My Chemical Romance, had made it big with their newest album and; of course, with an album comes a tour. The band had formed shortly before Venus was born, in the September of 2001. Venus hardly even knows her dad, and it breaks my heart.
He's coming home soon, I think, staring longingly at the door. I turn to look at Venus. She looks back.
"Can I have a sandwich?" she asks, running over one of her Barbies with a Hot Wheels car.
I laugh. "Sure, sweetie," I say, "Which kind?"
"Peanut butter and butter."
I laugh more. "Whatever."
I start fixing Venus her sandwich. She runs upstairs. "Where are you going?" I call.
"Getting my poster."
A while ago, I got her a My Chemical Romance poster, just to show her a picture of what her dad and uncle do for a living. She worships it.
Less than a minute later, Venus appears with her poster. "See," she says, "There's Daddy, and Uncle Gerard, and Uncle Ray, and Uncle Frank, and Uncle Bob. They sure look funny." She laughs. I look at the poster sadly. Venus must have sensed my emotion.
"Mommy," she says, pointing at the face of her father, "When is Daddy coming home?"
I stare at her for a moment. You knew this question was coming someday, Ember, I think, tears glassing my eyes over.
"Don't cry, Mommy," Venus says, "I just wanted to know if he'll be here in time to go with us on our field trip to the zoo."
"Why are you going on a field trip to the zoo in December?" I ask, slightly smirking, "You'll freeze."
"I don't know," Venus replies, resting her head on her hand, "I think maybe it'll be better to see the polar bears? Mrs. Johnson said it had something to do with tickets and prices. It's still the zoo, though."
Mrs. Johnson, that cheap old woman, I think, sliding Venus' sandwich on her plate towards her.
Venus eats in silence, occasionally turning her head while she chews to watch Dora the Explorer. I lean on the counter and sigh. Nothing is the same without Mikey at home. It's colder, all the time. Venus is unhappy, all the time. So am I. I need him back. So does Venus.
My hand reaches toward the home phone on the counter. I hesitate to pick it up, about to call Mikey. I know he won't pick up. He was always leaving his phone in the refrigerator or something. He did it at home, so I figured he does it on tour, too.
Plus, that drummer guy Bob in his band gave out his phone number to a bunch of fans a while back. Mikey probably (hopefully) doesn't want to answer his phone and be greeted by a horny 14-year-old, and I didn't blame him.
And so, for the millionth time that day, I sigh and lean on some solid object near me. "Mommy," Venus says with a concerned expression, her mouth full of sandwich bits, "Why are you so sad all the time?"
I look at the ceiling like I'm praying to some unknown deity for guidance, or at least the answer to a six-year-old's simple question. I'm not gonna tell her the truth. So, I do the logical thing: lie through my teeth. What better way to raise a kid? "I'm sad because they were out of pasta salad at the grocery store last time I went to buy you Goldfish." Best excuse ever! This kid is gonna have a hard time rivaling me in middle school.
"Why don't we go to the store and buy you some so you're not sad anymore?" Venus asks, "You always get me my favorite ice cream when I'm sad to make you feel better."
I smile. "Okay," I sigh, "Get in the car."
Venus runs to put on her jacket and light-up shoes. She looks like a little walrus going to a rave; in a puffy, pink, fake-fur lined jacket and top-of-the-line 'Stomp-n-Shine' SpongeBob sneakers. I pull on my hoodie and step out into the snow.
I look at my car. It's a new one, a Volkswagen Beetle; since as soon as Mikey started making money, we fucking scrapped the Monte Carlo. I was glad to have it out of my life.
Venus climbs into the backseat. I get into the drivers' side, and off to the grocery store we go.
********
And now I'm on the ride back home, with a small child singing the lyrics to I'm Not Okay like an expert through the rear-view mirror. With a little emotion, too, might I add. She'd been hanging out with Gerard too much... Or one of her 'uncles' snuck her a copy of Life on the Murder Scene when I wasn't looking. Like I cared.
I also have a gallon tub of pasta salad in the trunk. One that I'll never eat, because I absolutely despise pasta salad. Whatever it takes to make the kid happy and feel like she helped, I guess.
We pull into the driveway of the house. Something feels different about the place. Not normal. I get out of the car, into the cold, and look around.
Then, I notice it. The lights are on upstairs. Shit, I think, making sure Venus is okay in the car. Don't tell me we're getting robbed. Did I lock the door? I don't think I did. Shit. "Stay here, Venus, until I say it's safe. Mommy will be right back, I promise." Venus nods her head.
I rush indoors, through the unlocked entrance, and look around. "Get out here!" I yell, "Face me like a fucking man! You had no right coming into this home and stealing shit, you fucking low-life--"
And then I saw the shadow coming down the stairs. I grab a spoon off the kitchen counter and brandish it threateningly. Pathetic, I know, but the best I can do. Where was a decent knife when I needed one?
The figure comes into the light. Suddenly, I am faced with a tidal wave of familiar features, as well as emotions... Smudged eyeliner, a dark-brown up-do, and a frightened expression.
"...Ember?" He asks. It's Mikey. I nearly shit my pants from the surprise of it all. I start making excited motions with my hands, and yell for Venus to come in. Other than that, I'm unable to speak.
Before I know it, I'm wrapped in a bear hug. Once I regain my senses, I hug back tightly. Oh, how I missed his touch. It was like I was the one away from home for so long, but being in Mikey's arms brought me back.
"I've missed you so much," he says into my hair. His voice sends chills down my spine.
"I've missed you too," I say, feeling tears well up in my eyes. He takes my face in his hands and kisses me gently. I feel these butterflies pounding against the walls my stomach much like when we first met. It was exhilarating.
I'm brought back down to earth by a loud and drawn out "Ew!" from Venus. I laugh and turn around.
Mikey bends down and scoops his daughter up. "How have you been, pumpkin?" he asks, ruffling her hair.
She giggles and smiles broadly, obviously pleased. "Good!" she replies. "I'm going to the zoo!"
Mikey's face lights up and I realize I'm smiling too. "Are you now? Well I'll just have to come with you!"
Venus becomes more excited. "Can your band play for my friends?" she asks, bouncing in his arms.
"Maybe," he says, his grin not wavering. He shoots an amused look at me, which I reciprocate. "We'll have to see."
Venus hasn't grasped yet that 'maybe' means no ninety-nine percent of the time, so she wraps her arms around his neck. Mikey closes his eyes and squeezes her back, looking very content.
I wipe a tear rolling down my cheek. This was it. This was our happy family. The love of my life and our amazing daughter were both standing right in front of me. I remember back to when I had nothing, to when my life was nothing more than a crappy apartment and empty pill bottles. But now I have everything.
"Why don't I make dinner?" I ask my perfect little family.
"Sure," says Mikey, setting Venus down, who scampers into the next room. "I'm starved. What do you have?"
I laugh and say, "We have lots of pasta salad."

********
It's 9:00 at night, and Venus is asleep upstairs. Mikey's up there as well, probably taking care of his bass or something. I'm just wrapped in a blanket, staring at a blank TV that was showing my darkened reflection due to the candles scattered around the room.
Power outage.
The blizzard outside had gotten pretty bad within the few hours that Mikey was home, and it took down some power lines. I didn't care, though. It really didn't matter at all to me.
I'm about to grab my blanket and call it a day, when I hear footsteps sounding down the stairs; softly, as to not wake Venus.
I turn around and see Mikey walking toward me.
"Hi, babe," I say, smiling gently. He makes a motion as if he's trying to push imaginary glasses up his nose. He's still getting used to the fact that he got Lasik surgery a while back.
"Hey," he replies, looking at the green carpet for a bit, then at me, "I just- I have something concerning our relationship that I can't say to your face, so I just wrote it on paper."
And with that, he hands me a sheet of paper and leaves. No extra information, nothing to back up his actions, he just leaves. I'm terrified that it's going to be a notice saying he's through with all my bullshit and that he's taking Venus and moving to Los Angeles with his brother. I'm honestly just terrified. My whole life has been a whirlpool of pessimism and paranoia, and I'm scared of something to change.
I slowly unfold the paper, quivering hands and frankly un-zen aura causing the flames of the candles around me to flicker.
I notice that it's stationary, with dark blue clouds and silver moons decorating the border. One of the two packs of paper in my stationary set that I never used...
Candlelight dances across the paper as I try to read Mikey's handwriting- that's about as good as Venus'. Eventually, I manage to decipher all the words:
Dear Ember,
Thanks for always being here for me. Thanks for putting up with all this touring bullshit and for not becoming obsessed and shit when I have to leave for a long time. Thanks for not getting sick of the fame, the tabloids, the alcohol and the drugs. I've tried to get cleaned up, all for you. All for you, and Venus, and us. I'm always so sad on the road, when I start thinking of how Venus only really knows what her dad looks like from pictures on the walls and in the posters. How you have to take care of Venus all by yourself, how the other parents think you're weird because your boyfriend (not husband, not permanent) is gone all the time. And all I want to do is make this for real. Stable, solid, official. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Will you marry me?
I cover my mouth in shock and drop the paper. Through tear-blurred eyes, I could see something come undone from the back of the paper and fall to the ground. My hands absolutely shaking now, I pick it up.
It's a silver ring, set with black diamonds. I slide it on my ring finger, and it fits perfectly. I notice how it gleams in the glow of the flames of the candles. How it's so elegant but so untraditional.
Finding it hard to walk, I go upstairs and into the bedroom. I know I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight, but I need to be with Mikey.
I open the door quietly and sit on the bed. Mikey shifts, rolls over, and looks me in the eye. I can see the bright hazel radiating in his invisible gaze, even in the darkness.
   "Did you read it?" He asks, sitting up, whispering, and wringing his hands nervously.
   "Yes, I did," I reply in a similarly soft tone, "I did."
   Just as he opens his mouth to speak, most likely to ask what I thought. I fling my arms around his neck and pull his chest closer to mine. Our hearts are beating in sync, and and our lungs are breathing in sync; and soon enough, our lips are moving with one another in sync. I know, at this moment, that we are meant to be. I already knew my answer, but this just added to the reasons why.
   He pulls away. Again, through the darkness, I can see his smile.
   "Yes," I laugh, not even caring if Venus hears. I wrap Mikey up in a hug yet again, with no intentions of letting go while the sun is still behind the horizon.
  
********
A/N:
A big thank you to my friend altoclef52 for helping me finish this chapter! She's an amazing writer and an amazing friend. ❤️
Ok, so it's finally done. This whole, fucking, almost-a-year-long effort is finally over with. Yeah, yeah, I know there's some weird grammar scraps left over from the editing, but I'll fix that up as I go. The big stuff is done now. Hope you enjoyed, guys!!!
Much love,
Mikey (the author)